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I’m Not Asocial

September 14, 2011, 11:55 am

By Isaac Sweeney

I’m not asocial. I promise.

As a new faculty member at Richard Bland College in Petersburg, Va., I’ve been invited to a couple social gatherings and to join a book club for faculty and staff members. I’ve joined the book club on a part-time basis, and I haven’t been to any of the social gatherings. I’m just too busy right now.

I’m teaching six courses my first semester and I’m still transitioning into the area. My wife and son still live in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. She works and is waiting to transfer closer to Richard Bland. I spend my weekends with them, getting our house ready to go on the market, and I spend my weeks living with my parents, whose house isn’t too far away from my new employer.

I spend Friday and Sunday evenings driving, and I spend my weeks working and resting. Occasionally, during the week, I get to see some family members or friends I haven’t seen in a while. I would love to go grab a bite or to go to the “welcome” reception with my new colleagues, but I just can’t right now. First, these things are typically on weekends. Second, even if I do find the time, I don’t have the energy at the moment.

Maybe when the craziness settles, I’ll be able to meet more people and hang out a little more. But with an earthquake and a hurricane in the first week of classes, I doubt the craziness will settle for a few more weeks now. The book club will be cool, though.

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  • rogue_academic

    We believe you. Now get it in writing and send to the Chronicle of Higher Education.

  • dpmccain

    Just as a thought, have you considered sending a floral arrangement/plant to the host of the social gathering? Or the department office administrative assistant might work too.   Sometimes, when people are viewed as asocial (I developed a reputation as antisocial)we are just..tired or have a list of responsibilities that needs to be addressed. 

    Sometimes, a token goes a long way to letting colleagues know that you are “there”.  For the bookclub, depending upon budget (we know about your time).  A small envelope of bookmarks for members of the group.  These can be anything from “I am here in spirit” to puchased bookmarks from ebay…bookplates are good too.  

  • ohiograd

    Go to a social gathering.  You’re making a decision that may have long-term consequences for the quality of your social life based on how tired and busy you are right now.  When your family gets to Petersburg, they will be very happy that you have built even a small circle of social friends.

  • superdude

    Right.  Not enough time to be nice to your colleagues, but enough time to write inane letters to the CHE.

  • flasocprof

    Dear Prof Sweeney, I strongly encourage you to find the time to attend at least one social event in the very near future.  Although I totally understand that you must feel overwhelmed at the moment — the move itself is a significant change and the weather events add even more uncertainty.  However, demonstrating to your colleagues that you are invested in their (now your) community is vital. It’s not possible to overstate the importance of doing this.  I’m a full prof and department chair and I’ve got 30 years of experience in academia.  Trust me, it does matter.  You didn’t say if you’re on a temporary appointment.  If you are, it’s even more important that you be seen as a team player and as someone who willing to invest in the department and the college.  Good luck!

  • flasocprof

    I somehow missed the fact that you are a blogger for On Hiring.  I just read some of your earlier posts.  Now that I know your college is associated with William and Mary, I’m even more convinced that you are making a grave mistake by skipping out on the social activities.  W&M prides itself on its centuries old social traditions, so I assume your college does as well.  If you have time to hang out with old friends from your hometown, you surely have time to attend a reception that is most likely being held to welcome you and other newcomers.  I suspect, after having read your other posts, that you pride yourself on thumbing your nose at academic policies and practices.  I think you do so at your own peril. All workplace have a hugely important social dimension.  Don’t blow it by being blatantly ignorant.

  • barbarashell

    Simply put – we all FIND the time to do the things we WANT to do.

  • changing123

    Go to SOMETHING. By the time you think you have the time to attend something, you won’t be getting invitations. 

  • girl37

    Two thoughts: First, now that you have started your hard-earned tenure-track position, it’s time to switch gears and start working toward actually obtaining tenure (which includes being collegial), and second, if you haven’t been assigned one, it might be a good idea to find a faculty mentor who can help guide you in balancing the heavy teaching load with other obligations (including family).

  • bibliophile31

    This is a well-worn cliche that doesn’t always hold true.  At one time, I was working 4 (yes, FOUR) jobs, going through a divorce, caring for a 3-year-old and a 7-year-old AND my mother with Alzheimer’s.  Believe me, I had many, many things I wanted to do that I could not do for lack of time.  Find time???  Twas impossible!
    Thus,  be careful when you judge others based on such “truisms”; they’re not always accurate. 

  • softshellcrab

     I don’t believe you don’t have the time to grab a bite to eat sometimes with your colleagues.  

  • mraymond

    Actually

  • duppy_conqueror

    You sound a little depressed or “homesick” to me. As I was once told in a new, socially hyper-aware work setting — don’t worry or complain about all the invites you’re going to get; worry when the invites stop.

  • smilintoday

    There’s a great line in the movie Erin Brokovotch:   Have a fucking cup of coffee, Ed.

    Eliminating the profanity, you may need to have a cup of coffee, Isaac.

  • gmd1057

    It’s a strong professional temptation among academics to whine rather than do. For what it’s worth, I’ve worked full-time in academia since the 80s, so I have a decent-sized database on which to base that generalization.

    The writer of this piece needs to consider that, and do something more effective with his time than waste more of it complaining about the fact that so many weekly hours are taken up with less than optimal obligations. I bet most of the 200-300 other people who likely applied for the position he actually got would trade with him in a heartbeat.

    There are people out there with far more annoying jobs than full-time professor who work just as many hours a week as this, or more.

  • southerntransplant

    Not even trying to go to any of these events is not going to help your tenure bid. Your colleagues don’t know you, and they’ll be voting on your application when the time comes. Your senior colleagues are a rich source of advice, and a cohort who you can hang with is invaluable. You may have done things in an unconventional way (for various definitions of “unconventional”) thus far, but I wouldn’t try that approach here. This is your dream job, is it not?

  • wlsale

    i alway feel my time is not enough, maybe i should make a new time table to arrange my work.

  • helpful

    “Transitioning”??? I hope you aren’t teaching in the English department!

  • englishsensei

    Isaac, with all due respect, you are not the only one with six classes (dude – count your lucky stars – you’re WORKING), you’re not the only one dealing with the earthquake and hurricane, and you’re not the only one who has ever made a big move for a new job. I’m sure that your colleagues will understand that you are busy because yes, you are essentially still living in separate cities, and they will understand that you want to spend time with your family. However, I will add my voice to those already here that you really should attend at least a couple of the events. You play the woe-is-me martyr a little much with commentary like the above. Maybe sacrifice a weekend not to go home and instead go to a couple events, save a little gas money, and get to know your new locals. (Coming from someone who has been apart from her other half for a total of 3 in our nearly 9 years together, one weekend away won’t kill you. Trust me. I’ve done 8 months at a time, 3000 miles apart). You don’t want to end up “Isaac Who?” to your colleagues.

  • http://twitter.com/IsaacSweeney IsaacSweeney

    I don’t get it.

  • http://twitter.com/IsaacSweeney IsaacSweeney

    Don’t forget there’s a kid involved here too.

    Anyway, thanks all for the advice.

  • dale1

    Dear Prof. Sweeney:

    My best advice for you is to focus your attention on only the essentials. Writing for the Chronicle is not one of them.

  • bander40

    Besides offending colleagues and potential allies by rejecting social invitations, I suspect that complaining about being too busy is also likely to offend some of those same colleagues in other ways. It often seems that the passive-aggressive subtext to these “I’m too busy” responses is, “You’re not nearly as busy as I am.”

  • 115thDream

    Prof. Sweeney,
    I’m sympathetic to your approach in the circumstances, but hey, have a look at these responses.  If your school is full of folks that think like this, you best get to the potluck, brah.

  • southerntransplant

    Hate to say it, but the tenure committee isn’t going to care about your kid, your commute or much else that falls outside the purview of your job. You might think it’s too early to start thinking about tenure, but it’s not.

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