The Babylonian Talmud teaches us that: “If Israel were to keep two Sabbaths according to the laws thereof, they would be redeemed immediately” (Shabbath 118b).
To which we respond that Messiah will come if, and only if, every single secular Jew on earth watches back-to-back episodes of Larry David’s Curb Your Enthusiasm.
This Sunday offers the first such opportunity for universal redemption as Rabbi David kicks off the eighth season of Curb (and, by my count, the fourth “final season” of Curb).
According to promos, some of the action will take place in New York, which is a promising development because, as our sages of blessed memory teach us, California is no place for a Jew.
Those who wish to understand the Jewish male—or the “Jew Man” as some of my neighbors in Brooklyn referred to us, not always unaffectionately—would be well advised to tune in to HBO on Sunday night.
Diversity counselors at universities across America might consider screening episodes of Curb for incoming freshman gentiles unfamiliar with Judaism.
For the inescapable truth is that there is a little (and sometimes a lot) of Larry David in every single Jewish male in America.
This distressing state of affairs was brought to my attention, somewhat venomously, by my wife after an unfortunate incident that occurred two days after my family moved to Washington, D.C. I cannot repeat all of the details here. Suffice it to say I have no rational way of explaining why I raised my middle finger (actually both middle fingers; I double-pumped) to our hard-of-hearing next-door neighbor, whose acquaintance I had not yet made and who I thought was blocking our driveway.
Mark my words: Every single Jewish man you meet has a little Larry in ‘em. Here is a picture of Brainstorm editor Alex Kafka. The image so completely validates my contention that it requires no further commentary.
As for fellow Tribesman and Brainstorm blogger, Professor David Barash, I can only begin to imagine what kind of mayhem this fellow gets himself into when studying sexual dimorphism among the sea walruses of the Kamchatka Peninsula.
The point is that we, the Jewish Men, have seen Larry David and he is us. Whether he is pointing out to Richard Lewis that in all likelihood he will never be cast as the lead in From Here to Eternity, or exploring the ethics of having a friend’s wife “pop in” during a masturbatory fantasy, David is our Jewish anti-hero, our anti-Ezra who sets his nightmares to the rhythms of comedy.
I urge administrators around the country to organize group viewings of Curb during move-in week, if only to acquaint the next generation of hearts and minds with the Mosaic ideal.
Dear Readers: If this here manuscript beard does not get in the way, I expect to live-blog Episode 1 this Sunday night.