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Author Topic: My husband doesn't want a dog. I do. What to do?  (Read 39063 times)
kaysixteen
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« Reply #105 on: February 20, 2008, 2:20:30 am »

You are  not seriously equating the rights and status of children with those of pets, are you?
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gayle
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« Reply #106 on: February 20, 2008, 9:35:20 am »

Many people "laugh" about the way cats always seem to go straight for the person who likes them the least.

This is very simple.  Cats and dogs see eye contact as a sign of aggression, so they go to the friendly looking guest - the one who is trying d@mn hard to ignore them.  Cat phobic or disliking folks just need to be taught to look the animal in the eye and most of the time it will leave them alone.

Now, if I could just train my grandmother NOT to stare at my dog, maybe the dog will let her pet it.
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graycat
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« Reply #107 on: February 20, 2008, 9:52:25 am »


I think babies and dogs are probably the closest analogy you can find, so it's convenient (for the sake of this discussion) that, as things stand now, your husband doesn't want a dog and you don't want a baby.  Can you imagine how you would feel if your husband insisted that now was the time for a baby?  That may be how he's feeling about your desire for a dog.

I don't really have any additional advice to offer, but I do think the analogy is worth consideration (both yours and your husband's), as octoprof suggested, especially because it turns out that the situation isn't a hypothetical snake, but a baby that your husband would actually like to have and that you don't want (right now).  Perhaps the baby/dog comparison will give each of you insight into how the other is feeling.

Good luck!

I appreciate your effort here infopri, but I'm not sure I agree, for a few reasons.

1. My husband doesn't want kids now, any more than I do. He is just sure of his future wish.

2. Biological children have a lot more inpact and contact with my body and my life than a dog would have on my husband. I'm definitely not asking my husband to gestate anything, and thankfully he's not asking anything of that kind either.

I do appreciate that you say "what if" instead "this is how it is", but since I'm not pressuring my husband for a dog (the word never even crossed my lips yesterday), I'm not really looking for analogies about pressure or disagreement. We aren't getting a dog and have no plans to get a dog. I am sad. That's how it stands.
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zoelouise
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« Reply #108 on: February 20, 2008, 9:56:15 am »

Off topic, I know-

Folks can be pretty amazingly blind to the effect of their pets on others. I had abdominal surgery for cancer a few years ago, and how wonderful it was to finally recover enough to gingerly go for a walk on the public path at a local forest. It had only been a week or two since surgery- I was not at all healed, just happy to be alive in warm weather.

So I am very slowly easing my way down the path and here comes a large lab-type dog (70 pounds?), off leash, who proceded to throw himself feet first full speed into my recently sutured abdomen. The noise that came out of me was hardly human, when that dog hit my gut. I doubled over and moaned that I had just had surgery, as my partner tried to keep me from falling down. The pain was awful.

The owners rushed up and said something about "oh, he's just so friendly and excited", and nothing containing the words "sorry" or "apologize". It was remarkable. I couldn't help but think, what if it had been my 90 year old grandma, or a small child? (Or someone with fresh sutures holding their guts together?)

No point here, just a story.
« Last Edit: February 20, 2008, 9:58:32 am by zoelouise » Logged

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dr_crankypants
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« Reply #109 on: February 20, 2008, 10:34:45 am »

My concerns two. We have two happy well adjusted cats. I do not want to ruin their lives with a dog. Also, I do not want to make my husband unhappy.

Your cats still have claws, right?? 
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scheherazade
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« Reply #110 on: February 20, 2008, 1:12:24 pm »

Kay, don't be silly.  I did not equate my children and pets.  However, I did lump my children and pets together as "household members" to distinguish them from "visitors."  I would not let my pets jump all over visitors, because I'm not an idiot.  (Nor would I inflict them upon people outside my home - I agree with you there, zoelouise!)  But my household includes both children and pets, and a person who visits better tolerate either/both.  That is the distinction.
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infopri
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« Reply #111 on: February 20, 2008, 3:33:18 pm »

Graycat, I did intend my thought experiment to be based on a hypothetical; I'm sorry if that wasn't clear.  In any case, if you don't find it helpful, then forget I mentioned it.  I am sad with you that a dog of your own can't be in the picture, at least for now.
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panache
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« Reply #112 on: February 20, 2008, 7:16:48 pm »

This thread is quite entertaining and simply amazing.  This is why I read the fora--diverse opinions and craziness!
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octoprof
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« Reply #113 on: February 20, 2008, 8:26:26 pm »

This thread is quite entertaining and simply amazing.  This is why I read the fora--diverse opinions and craziness!

Hey! We resemble that remark!
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spork
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« Reply #114 on: February 20, 2008, 8:54:24 pm »

Gayle stunningly thinks the OP's husband is preventing her from acquiring the kind of companion she needs.  It could just as easily be argued that he does not want to play second fiddle to an animal, and resents the notion that his companionship is of lesser use or merit than that of a critter.  Either way, she needs to get over it, and submit to her husband, who, like it or not, does not want a dog in his house.  Period.

Maybe hubby knows that he will end up being the one who takes care of the dog.


I still recommend a snake, specifically, a ball python.  Max length = 4.5 feet, very calm, and if you insist on going for walks outside with an animal, you can just drape around your neck.
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terpsichore
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« Reply #115 on: February 21, 2008, 12:49:01 am »


I still recommend a snake, specifically, a ball python.  Max length = 4.5 feet, very calm, and if you insist on going for walks outside with an animal, you can just drape around your neck.

Doesn't this suggestion belong in one of the 'how to dress well as an academic' threads?
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msparticularity
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« Reply #116 on: February 21, 2008, 2:31:18 am »

Well, my dog was a result of my daughter turning 16. I thought to myself, "I need someone who doesn't roll his/her eyes when I speak, who is happy to just hang around when that's what I want to do, who will go out walking with me when I want to, and who just basically wants to be with me." I considered carefully whether these were appropriate expectations for my spouse, concluded they weren't, and decided I needed a dog. I was right, too - and my spouse and the cats like him (the dog) pretty well too.
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daurousseau
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« Reply #117 on: February 21, 2008, 7:14:18 pm »


I still recommend a snake, specifically, a ball python.  Max length = 4.5 feet, very calm, and if you insist on going for walks outside with an animal, you can just drape around your neck.

Doesn't this suggestion belong in one of the 'how to dress well as an academic' threads?

Is that a different thread? I thought wearing cat hair and/or smelling like a dog was the subject under discussion.
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dr_fudugazi
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« Reply #118 on: February 21, 2008, 7:17:30 pm »

I know. Have you considered a monkey?
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ablewasi
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« Reply #119 on: February 21, 2008, 8:02:46 pm »

I know. Have you considered a monkey?

Monkeys are right worthy of consideration.


Go to the monkey, thou sluggard; consider her ways and be wise.


!a
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- I have seen the future and the fix is in -
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