December 12, 2008
3 More 'Favorite' Student E-Mail Messages to Professors
Every so often we check in on one of the most popular threads on The Chronicle’s discussion forums — called “‘Favorite’ student e-mails,” — where professors post amusing (and often frustrating) messages from their students. The professors change the names and course titles to protect the clueless and to comply with student-privacy laws.
Here are three recent entries, along with thoughts about what they say about student attitudes toward professors in an age of e-mail.
Many Students Ask for Do-Overs
Many of the e-mail messages posted by professors involve students pleading for a chance to do extra academic work or to retake tests to raise their grades. This one got a particularly lively response on the forums:
Dear Professor, I saw that I lost points on the lab for questions I left blank. I thought they were rhetorical questions. Can I answer them now and get back the points?
-Sweet Student Who Marches to a Different Drummer
As the professor explains: “This really is a favorite e-mail because the student is a sweet kid and I do believe him, but I swear I have no idea how to respond to this.”
And Students Offer to Do More Than Just Homework
Since it is finals season at many colleges, several professors have recently posted student e-mail messages begging for higher grades, one way or another. Like this one:
Dr. Kif,
I worked my butt off on the paper, and I will honestly do ANYTHING it takes to get a C in the class. I don’t think you understand how desperate I am for a C. I don’t know where I went wrong on the final either…I thought I did so well??? I’ll cook you breakfast, lunch, dinner, and serve it to you. I mean…I’m pretty freaking desperate, obviously. Please let me do something. You name it…anything.
Thanks so much,
Pretty Little Snowflake Thang
As the professor joked, “Hmm. My car does need washing. And those leaves are piling up.”
One Professor Starts Semester With Guidelines for Sending E-Mail Messages
One professor said he or she got one too many e-mail messages like this: “i haven’t looked on blackboard yet but i’m wondering where the video lecture is.” Turns out, the video lectures were clearly on Blackboard, the college’s course-management system, and in a folder marked “Video Lectures.”
So the professor has started setting some e-mail ground rules at the beginning of the semester. “I will say that I begin every semester off with a brief introduction of how to email a professor,” the faculty member writes. “I do this in my undergraduate, graduate, and online courses. I don’t have time to try and decipher an e-mail that doesn’t make sense. And I tell them that if they don’t get a response within 24 hours, it’s because their e-mail was grammatically incorrect, rude, or completely incoherent. This has helped so much with the disrespectful, ignorant, and confusing emails. I also tell students to write down all of their questions, try to figure them out on their own, and then email me all questions in one email if, and only if, they are unable to figure it out.”
Have others tried creating similar rules for their courses? —Jeffrey R. Young
Past installments:
- “3 of the Funniest E-Mail Messages From Students to Professors — and What They Say About Technology”
- More (Unintentionally) Funny Student E-Mail Messages to Professors
- Another Batch of Funny Student E-Mail Messages to Professors
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In view of the hypersensitivity of those in academia about matters that could be misinterperted, the #2 letter from pretty little snowflake thing should not be classified as a ‘favorite’ letter or even as funny. If I received something like that letter, I would refer it to the appropriate authorities to protect myself and vow never to be alone anywhere with PLST.
— jamesmadison Dec 12, 05:16 PM #
I agree with Comment#1. I have actually had something like this happen to me in person. It wasn’t funny or cute or material for banter. I believe the student meant it and was emotionally disturbed.
I would also add that the “PLST” label applied to this student is not simply sexist but misogynist.
— RLW Dec 12, 06:39 PM #
#2: No one said it was a woman writing the e-mail.
— Johan Dec 12, 07:37 PM #
MORE OF THIS COLUMN PLEASE!
I would almost pay someone to wade through all the discussion boards to synthesize this into a regular feature. Almost.
One word: Thanx.
— KC Dec 12, 08:04 PM #
I tell my students verbally and in writing to use proper grammar, capitalization, and not to use texting or IM shorthand. I point out that a certain formality must be maintained in educational environment and effective writing is an important skill.
My graduate students are held to an even higher standard, which they simultaneously rue and appreciate. They rue it because they have to think before hitting send and appreciate it because writing is (usually) their weakest skill. We are scientists, but I’ve told several graduate students that our #1 goal was to make them effective writers.
— Greg Dec 13, 11:49 AM #
I really hope that the prof in #1 wasn’t too swayed by the student being “sweet”.
— derek Dec 13, 11:52 AM #
My pet peeve is students who don’t sign their name or tell me which class they’re taking with me.
How can I tell answer your very personal question when I have no clue who you are?
— Nunam Dec 13, 03:10 PM #
The reply to #2 has been the same ever since that I’ll-do-anything ploy was first used, probably when the current technology was a reed stylus and a slab of clay:
Study.
— Dan Dec 15, 08:47 AM #
Some of you are old enough to remember art professor Clint Eastwood (!)‘s response to the “I’ll do anything” ploy in The Eiger Sanction—not sure how that would work as email, however.
— johntee Dec 15, 09:13 AM #
Where I work (bottom of the heap school) many students want to redo all the work they failed or missed. Most ask in person (not a high tech school – cell phone misuse, not laptop misuse during class is the problem here and about 1/2 the student’s don’t use e-mail, they text message) and are outraged when I tell them this ship has sailed if the work is more than more than 2 weeks late; that work can be turned in at a 5% penalty if late on the day due and 10% a day after that.
When I post grades I also post how many classes missed (average is 17 for the semester even after I bribe with extra credit points for every class attended and 2 points if there on time) , how many points of assignments not turned in and how many points of exams and quizzes not taken. What shocked me is that another faculty member asked me how I got such good (yikes!) attendance at an 8am class.
I also find when checking excuses that over 1/2 don’t pan out. I use properties on word to confirm dates of “lost” papers (I am always amazed that they haven’t figured out they need to open an older document and use that to made an earlier created by date and then use the excuse that they opened it before they sent it for the last opened date – that would make it harder to see they are lying), blackboard tracking information, etc. to try to make things fair to the students who turn work in on time.
Actually it is a sad commentary about education and our students that they think that such transparent, pitiful excuses whether by e-mail, telephone, voice mail, note under the door or in person) will get then anything.
Some KNOW it isn’t going to work and admit that they screwed up after I tell them “no”. When I ask why not just tell the truth to begin with, they tell me it was worth a try to see if I’d buy their excuse. Sigh.
As I watch what goes on in my daughter’s high school, I can see how they think what worked in high school might work in college. Many are outraged when it doesn’t work.
The problem I see is that it DOES work with some faculty. While I am not sure if it is that these faculty are trying to “buy” better teaching evals, be more popular or just don’t think teaching that due dates mean exactly that – the date something is due (just like in the work place) is when it is actually due…is what is going on. It does make it harder when not all faculty are on the same page about certain things.
I once ran a contest at a small liberal arts college (motivate students there) where the students turned in the best excuse they used in a class and the faculty the best excuse they received. The student winner got their excuse singed and dated by the collage president (with a fine print disclaimer that this excuse was not redeemable for anything). Lots of laughs all around.
— annon Dec 15, 09:58 AM #
Hmm- here’s a twist on the ‘fav’ e-mail thing. I’m an advisor, this time of year I get e-mails from instructors asking how to grade their students. Should they give them the grade they deserve or should they ‘gift’ the students a different grade because (1) they will be mad (no lie), (2) they are disabled, (3) they are my advisee, or all three of the above. Usually attached to these odd meanderings from the tenured full-time faculty is some ridiculous insistence that they should not have to ‘put up with’ this kind of student in their classes, and would I please keep the wrong kind of student out. Get over it, faculty, give the grade the student deserves according to your class syllabus, which should be treated as somewhat of a contract. If you are adept at Universal Instructional Design, you will have offered a variety of assignment types by which to assess your students’ knowledge acquisition, allowing for accommodating a variety of learning styles and disabilities. If they are angry or pleading to give you ‘favors’ in exchange for a grade, report them to your dean of students. And do not be so daft as to put in writing that you are considering ‘gifting’ a student a grade because you don’t want them to be mad at you. And don’t ever tell an advisor to ‘keep undesirables’ out of your courses – that just gives us an excuse to pack your classes with them, with our super-human powers of persuasion with ‘those types.’ The student e-mails are only half of the ridiculous ones I see in my job, and the faculty don’t have the excuse of being naive, new to the college ‘thang,’ or uneducated about communication norms.
— Linda Dec 15, 10:51 AM #
How about a feature for ridiculous emails from faculty sent to support staff, especially in the technology area? One favorite of mine was an email from a faculty member who said he could not view online student evaluation of teaching reports because he “had absolutely no way to access the internet.”
— george Dec 15, 11:46 AM #
I handed out, on day one, a list of “Top Ten Excuses that I NEVER Accept”. I instructed my students to review it, and try to come up with something original. For example, “My hamster ate the USB key where I had URL where I posted the draft of the paper. The hamster got out, and the cat chased the hamster into the street, and he got crushed by a truck” has been used and to be honest, I actually let it slide the first time I heard it, BUT animal excuses don’t work. Likewise for all the other typical excuses.
As for missing more than 3 lectures: you fail! (having to attend the wake for a deceased “best friends’ third cousins’ step mom” was the best excuse to miss an 8AM class). Flat tires, speeding tickets etc…. no soap.
I never accepted late work unless someone could produce a death certificate, police report with date and time, car repair receipt with date and time, or computer repair shop receipt with date in and date out.
As for lateness, I announced anything important in the first few minutes of class…. also posted on the online platform.
8AM class or not, I had to get my keester in there (or students who were on time would complain) so if I can get there, so can they. Ok, there were always those few situations where responsible students told me up front that they had childcare issues and would routinely be 5 minutes late, but normally, these were few and far between.
Faculty have to set expectations on day one, and encourage students to try to meet them. This is not to say that one cannot soften up as the semester goes on, but I found that it is easier to soften up later than to try to get more strict as time goes on: less whining, fewer last minute pleas for leniency, much more pleasant finals week.
— Frank Page Dec 15, 11:47 AM #
At my former institution, many of our on-line were serving in the military and were on all corners of the globe. The-dog-ate-my-homework excuse just doesn’t mean much when the reasons we could hear were the-insurgents-bombed-our-embassy. I would encourage all readers out there to thank a vet or enlistee.
— ptaprof Dec 15, 02:22 PM #
In re faculty excuses, my particular favorite is the problem some have with students with disabilities. Of course we all know the standard tales of ADA abuse, some of which may actually be true. On the other hand, it’s been instructive—in a different sense—to learn how many “instructors” can’t be bothered to accommodate real disabilities until the legal realities are brought, ever so tactfully, to their attention, including the fact that academic freedom doesn’t put one above the law.
On the other hand, I was pleased to learn this past summer that my daughter’s sociology teacher made sure she understood that she’d scored highest in the class on the midterm, and that the teacher had made short shrift of another student’s objection that she had “an unfair advantage” because she had an interpreter in class. Apparently the idea is that if she’d just listen up, she wouldn’t be deaf.
Equating disabilities with laziness and stupidity is an example of the latter.
— Dan Dec 15, 03:15 PM #
Never forget, however, that the strangest excuses are not always made up. We had a part-time faculty member whose dog chewed up her students’ papers. Sometimes the dog does eat the homework.
— johntee Dec 16, 09:14 AM #
I like “my dog died and my grandmother ate my homework.”
— Dan Dec 16, 10:24 AM #
“Pretty Little Snowflake Thang”?????? Sounds like a pet name, and an unusual one, at that. Something the professor might recognize?
— More Cruel, More Unusual Dec 16, 01:14 PM #
It’s always a challenge to sort excuses from reality. This term I had an adult online student who runs a live-in senior care home. Some of her caregivers left and she had to work two days straight to provide care to the residents. You darn bet I gave her extra time for her paper that fell due that weekend!
— ap Dec 16, 02:16 PM #
I’ve been a chair for the past twelve years and my funniest computer moments involve faculty. Students do tell e-tales, but many faculty are totally inept. My son, who worked IT at a major university a few years back, alerted me to what’s known in his trade as the ID-10-t error.
— Old Hand Dec 17, 02:44 PM #
I’d like to second the observation regarding military students offered by PTPROF (#14 above). I also teach at an online institution with a large number of deployed military students. Some time back I got an email from one expressing his regret and requesting permission to be a couple of days late on an assignment — it seems that he had just had his leg shot off, and was in process of being medivaced from Baghdad to Frankfort. He was so apologetic about the whole thing. This kind of puts the “dead hamster” excuses in proper perspective, doesn’t it?
Incidentally, he submitted the paper with the following week, and it was extremely good. Go Army!
— JD Eveland Dec 19, 10:42 PM #
As for the idea of saving all of your questions and sending them all in one email- I am quite annoyed (well pissed off is more the right term) because I emailed a professor 24 hours before a test with all of my questions and he never replied to it because he was “busy.” I think it is just inexcusable for a professor not to reply to emails within 24 hours, especially before a test. I was trying to be nice by asking all of my questions at once rather than having him deal with multiple emails. Great idea that was, wasn’t it? I could have at least gotten points for the first few questions I had, but instead I lost points that I could have easily gotten if I could have just gotten the answer to a few simple questions. Therefore, I would say that, for the record, saving all of your questions for one email may work for a decent professor, but in general, it is TERRIBLE advice!
P.S. to some of your professors above: Lighten up! Things do happen, and one of my best professors this year is so caring and understanding towards his students that if we have too much work and tests in one week, he will allow work to be turned in the next week with no penalty. I think he is the best professor I’ve had because he teaches well, clearly presents the material, and makes sure we understand it. Just because he’s lenient with due dates doesn’t make him a bad professor. The same is true for students- if something happens, it shouldn’t be taken out on their grade. Thank you to #19 and #21 for actually being understanding. As for the rest of you, unless you attended EVERY single lecture for 4 years of college plus grad school, you shouldn’t be talking like college students are convicts or something. In fact, most of them probably are trying and do care. Yes there are some bad students, but the fact is that there are bad professors too, and we good students don’t appreciate having to deal with bad professors, much less stuck-up ones.
— Ben Dec 23, 05:17 PM #
Hmmm.
At least the students consistently have an excuse. The “design” of Blackboard on the other hand… shrug… I don’t think there’s any excuse for that thing.
— davevontexas Jan 18, 06:31 PM #