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About the Author
Gina Barreca is a professor of English and feminist theory at the University of Connecticut. Her books include They Used to Call Me Snow White, but I Drifted; Perfect Husbands and Other Fairy Tales; Babes in Boyland; and, with Gene Weingarten of The Washington Post, I'm With Stupid. She's written or edited other books on vice, Victorians and sex, American humor, the erotics of instruction, The Sopranos, women's humor, and Italian-American literature. She will blog about teaching, sex, humor, money, publishing, ambition, books, marriage, envy (professional and personal), politics (professional and personal), aging, and cartoons.
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Recent Posts
What Would YOU Write on Those Tiny Slips of Paper? | Comment [19]
Without Footnotes | Comment [4]
Yes, Bad: 'The New Yorker' Cover Uncovered | Comment [53]
FLASHBACK (1991): About Not Writing: A Poem | Comment [4]
Feral Emotions | Comment [19]
Featured Articles By the Author
Murder Mystery IX: Telltale Hearts
(Once again, my thanks to Norman Stevens, who wrote this brilliant installment)
The killer had consulted “Ducky” Mallard, the infamous NCIS Head Medical Examiner, so Mann’s heart was, indeed, removed almost intact. He removed the heart so carefully not because he intended to eat, or otherwise, destroy it. He was not, after all, some kind of Hannibal Lecter. He preserved the heart in order to incorporate it into an artists’ book that could be added to the choice collection of such books in the Rare Book Room of the Satis Library.
What better place would there be to memorialize Mann’s long-term relationship with the library? Mann, after all, fully deserved to be entombed in the library forever. It would serve him right. As Brad Leithuaser put it, “What is a library, after all, but a place where the dead, neatly coffined in their separate volumes, continue to speak.” (The Norton Book of Ghost Stories, p. 13) Such a book would be rarer, and more horrifying, than the fairly numerous books bound in human skin, such as two editions of The Dance of Death at the John Hay Library at Brown. Lacking the necessary skills to properly carve Mann’s name into the heart, preserve it, and incorporate it into a truly rare and unique heart-shaped tome, the killer called upon Ms. Nouleigh Rhee Furbished, who had shared sexual experiences with him in many parts of the library, to assist him in creating his masterpiece.
She, in turn, consulted with Abby Sciuto, “Ducky’s” colleague, who came up with an ingenious design that incorporates a self-contained, transistor-based refrigeration unit. Once the heart was properly frozen, a skilled stone carver, who chooses to remain anonymous, carved Mann’s name and dates into the heart. The heart now remains in its case surrounded by the text of Poe’s “The Telltale Heart” along with an iPod that transmits a low, pulsating recording of Mann’s own irregular heart beat whenever the case is opened.
Posted at 08:05:31 PM on May 13, 2008 | All postings by Gina BarrecaComments
Commenting is closed for this article.
Previous: Murder Mystery VIII: Never Trust a Small Man
Next: Murder Mystery X: Penultimate Installment
The killer had consulted “Ducky” Mallard, the infamous[[<<CAN SAY THIS MORE SUBTLELY WITHOUT JUST BLURTING IT?]] NCIS Head Medical Examiner, so[<<[UNCLEAR: THE HEART WAS REMOVED ON ACCOUNT OF THE CONSULTING, OR SOMEBODY FOUND IT OUT LATER?]] Mann’s heart was, indeed, removed almost[[<<IMPACT IS FROM ‘INTACT;’ DON’T DILUTE WITH ‘ALMOST’]] intact. He[[<<VAGUE ANTECENDENT]] removed the heart so carefully not because he intended to eat, or otherwise,[[<<COMMA-ITIS, AND CHANGES SENSE]] destroy it. He was not, after all, some kind of[[<<CUT ‘SOME KIND OF’; UNECESS. BECAUSE HE’S ‘NOT’ HL]] Hannibal Lecter. He[[<<ANOTHER WORD TO BEGIN SENTS., PLEASE]]preserved the heart in order to incorporate[[<<TOO BUREAUCRATIC; BETTER WORD?]] it into an artists’ book that could be added to the choice collection of such books in the Rare Book Room of the Satis Library.[[<<WORDY]]
[[THE WHOLE THING IS LIKE THIS. NV, PLEASE]]
— Maxwell Perkins · May 14, 09:36 AM · #
Mr. Perkins, it’s time for you to retire. This is an excellent addition to the tale. I must admit, however, that you gave me a laugh despite myself and for that I am grateful.
— Not MP · May 14, 12:46 PM · #
What I love is the plasticity of this blog. The posting changes every few hours. It’a moving target, Mr. Perkins!
— Anti-hypocrisy advocate · May 14, 01:25 PM · #
Even in death, things change. MORE!
— JOHNK · May 14, 03:33 PM · #
“The Heart is a Lonely Carrel” is delightful; I was sorry not to see it in the piece itself. Who wrote the tease?
— Natasha · May 14, 08:21 PM · #
yikes!
— Hannah · May 14, 10:41 PM · #
See my name
— Where are John and Cynthia and are they having sex yet? · May 15, 05:43 PM · #