March 30, 2008

Date Your Roommate? Oregon Colleges Allow Couples in Dorm Rooms

At some Oregon universities, roommates are dating one another.

Actually, they started out dating and then became roommates, thanks to new policies that permit opposite-sex roommates in college dorms, The Oregonian reported.

Lewis and Clark University, Oregon State University, and Portland State University now allow opposite-sex roommates, and Willamette University and Reed College will try out the arrangement this fall, the Portland, Ore., newspaper said.

Colleges across the country, such as Wesleyan University and Haverford College, began experimenting with “gender neutral” dorm rooms several years ago.

In Oregon, couples, naturally, have been eager to take advantage of the few rooms that colleges set aside for such arrangements.

At Willamette, co-ed rooms are not intended for romantic relationships. Instead, they are supposed to be occupied by people who are uncomfortable with same-sex roommates because of their own gender identity. For example, a gay person might not want a roommate of the same sex.

But dating roommates is a bad idea, Robert E. Hawkinson, dean of campus life at Willamette, told the newspaper: “People of this age simply do break up a lot. This is just asking for more trouble than we want to take on.” —Josh Fischman

Comments

1. Undergraduates end up hating their room mates whether they are their sexual mates or not. No harm in alienating one less person.

   — Peter Geiger    Mar 30, 07:29 PM    #

2. wouldn’t it be easier to give up on shared rooms altogether. Single rooms only, then they can have sex how and when they like.

   Luckily, I never had to share a room as a student, I would have hated it: different times of sleeping and gettng up, distraction while studying, quarrels on music choice.

   — peter    Mar 31, 06:36 AM    #

3. I understand Peter’s point of view (#2), but the other side of the coin is that when you share a room with someone else, you learn to compromise, and that is an enormously valuable life skill that is too lacking these days. I always had roommates (as many as three in a two-room suite, or one in a standard 60s dorm room barely big enough to hold two desks and bunk beds) as an undergraduate due to financial necessity. We always liked different music (hence used headphones), slept, got up, and studied at different times (hence kept the study lights and noise levels down low), and in general accommodated each other as needed. There is much evidence that too many of today’s students are not learning how to do these things.

   — Bob M.    Mar 31, 07:07 AM    #

4. Opposite sex couples can room together on far more campuses than this article indicates. On some campuses, common toilet/shower facilities are similarly unisex.

   More to the point, ask anyone in any residence life office. This has been going on for decades. The only difference is that now it’s in effect from the first day of the semester, not the second.

   — Rick    Mar 31, 08:00 AM    #

5. Only 3 girls total should be allowed for one boy in all the period of using university dormitory. The forth girl – not allowed, cause the forth girl has syphilis or something worse – this is a bit simplified statistic (26% have it), but in first approximation the rule should work.

   — Michael Pyshnov    Mar 31, 09:41 AM    #

6. Michael, oh Michael. I doubt there’s any way you can explain what on earth you meant by the above post. I’m sure you’re not a native speaker of English. I assure you, what you wrote was quite bizarre and cryptic.

   And Bob? “There is much evidence that too many of today’s students are not learning how to do these things”? Has there really been research on dorm-mate courtesy? I lived in dorms in the 70s and again in the 80s. There were plenty of discourteous roommates then, just as there have always been, I’m sure. “Kids today” is too often invoked without any evidence, to allow the “grownups” to justify imposing more restrictions and exercising greater power and control.

   And is there any evidence that being stuck living with someone else actually does change peoples’ behavior for the better? Personally, sharing a room only taught me how important it was that I never share a room again.

   — swishnets    Mar 31, 11:14 AM    #

7. Couldn’t agree more, swishnets. I once even refused a scholarship to study at a certain place when I found out I would have to share a room with two others for a full year. Horror.

   — peter    Mar 31, 11:28 AM    #

8. How long will it take for colleges to learn that more money can be made if they rent these rooms by the hour…Gosh, the parents must be so proud that their kids can be accommodated so properly. When I was in college we had to make other arrangements and not tell our parents.

   — Gilly    Mar 31, 12:02 PM    #

9. Parents, once again, proove they are idiots when they pay for their darlings to shack up. I guess the old saying goes: Why buy the pig when you get the sausage for free? Why buy the cow… how does the rest go?

   — Mary Ann    Mar 31, 12:02 PM    #

10. Reading this at first just made me jealous since my college boyfriend eventually became my husband. How much girl drama could I have avoided if I’d been able to room with the boyfriend from the start? But at the same time, didn’t we go to college to learn and not to promote our romantic relationships? I get the explanation for gay students who might feel uncomfortable with heterosexual (and possibly homophobic) roommates, but just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you identify completely with the opposite sex. I think there will always be flaws in the housing situations of universities, and I agree with the posts above that comment on this being part of the experience. Learn to deal well with others in imperfect situations and then laugh about it years later.

    — Jessica    Mar 31, 01:00 PM    #

11. D-mn right! Why SHOULD I pay for a whole cow when I can get the ‘milk’ for free?

    — Emily    Mar 31, 01:59 PM    #

12. swishnets,
    I just wanted to draw attention to the next probable law suit. A parent will say: “My Bobby can’t read yet, but he has a couple of venerial diseases. This university is a bordello, first”.

    — Michael Pyshnov    Mar 31, 03:26 PM    #

13. Living alone in college could be a wrecking ball on student’s mental states. There is a HUGE difference in coming home to an empty room vs. coming home to a room you share with someone you know, especially when you are returning from a strange and eventful day. And in most cases, when you are feeling depressed, having someone around will help. (Even if it is someone you don’t always get along with.) Yes, there are horrible roommates that would exacerbate the situation, but they are more the exception than the rule. (I’ll admit, sometimes they are quite a glaring exception.) Some of my former roommates are still my closest friends, and it would have been much more difficult to survive the whole college experience without them.

    I’m a bit skeptical about gender-free dorm rooms though… people who are dating definitely would jump at a chance to live together, but Robert E. Hawkinson (quoted in the article) is right about this age group breaking up a lot. I’ve seen far too many relationships shatter in the change that is college; especially in the first few years, which are the years typically spent living on campus. Breaking up is bad enough in college… having to live with that person or face finding a different dorm room mid-semester would be a lot worse.

    — Megan    Mar 31, 05:44 PM    #

14. It is pretty ignorant to equate gender identity w/ sexual orientation.

    — Annie    Mar 31, 09:57 PM    #

15. I think you guys are missing the point of these room set-ups. I liive in Oregon and have worked in housing at more then one of these schools. The gender blind situation at most of the school are for one of two reasons.

    1.) Retain sophmore or above student in the halls who would be moving off campus because they could not room with whomever they wanted in a “traditional” hall may it be a sibling or a partner. retaining students in the housing system also eqauls better retention academically, since living in the halls is proven to be better for student success.

    2.) Oregon is very progressive when it comes to LGBTQQIA issues. with Gender “blind” housing its very don’t ask don’t tell so you are not making people fit into a box they may not identify with.

    Also, at lest in PSU’s case the housing in question is apartment style living and if I am not mistaken most school in the nation have apartments that alow either gender to live together. The whole idea of genter nutral or blind housing is a smart marketing idea. You make more money for the housing the department when you can retain students. You retain students that would have left and you help keep the students you do have close to the resources they need. Thats the main reason of on-campus housing.

    — B    Apr 1, 12:46 PM    #

16. I feel that there are alternate strategies an institution or more specifically a residence life office can do to encourage retention. My question is how do parents feel about the fact that their son or daughter have the option to “shack up” with their college significant other. I’ll tell you one thing. I would never let my daughter go to school in these specific schools

    — Sam    Apr 1, 01:35 PM    #

17. No one has mentioned the fact that even in same gender rooms there is often a “shacking up” situation. When both my children were is college(different colleges) they had roommates that OFTEN had overnight guests of the opposite gender. Even in the 70’s this was an issue when I was in a dorm. They will find a way, will living together make it easier? Who knows, as a parent I don’t want them to think it is ok. I do know that with my own children the relationships they had while they were in college had a deep and drastic consequence to their studies. I can only imagine what it would have been like if they had actually been living with their significant other.

    — Joan    Apr 1, 06:58 PM    #

18. To address the Shacking up questions. I feel like we forget that these are adults…

    I understand that 18 now a days is still very protected and not always mature, but we are only promoting the helicopter parenting practice if we draw our concerns on what “mom will think”

    Yes, as a housing professional I am well aware on the conflicts that come with young love. They break up, maybe they cheat on each other, grades can be affected. I am not denying that. I realize there are flaws in gender neutral housing, but as we start looking at moving from traditional housing to more apartment or suit styles (thats a whole another discussion) if we are going to give the students “what they want” this is something they ask for. I once had a resident who petitioned to allow her boyfriend to move into her room when her old room mate moved out. her reasoning… He could do it behind the schools back and just cancel his housing contact, have her buy her room as a single and they could live together,or the university could retain him as a student while allowing them to have a room mate they want to come home to each day after class. They will just either get an apartment or find another way. As Joan #17 mentioned they are shacking up already,but in traditional halls you are just promoting roommate conflicts. I have dealt with countless roommate conflicts because 3 is a crowd. I have also seen two women work out a roommate transfer so that they were room mates mid-term not because they were friends but because they boyfriend were. Then girl A “moved” into the guys room and Guy B “moved” into the ladies room.

    As a freshman I personally would not have lived with my significant other, but I also can not tell an adult not too, and it takes too much of my professional time up if I was going to try and monitor every room that breaks the universities policy of only have a guest X number of nights a term. It’s just not possible. It would take too many man hours.

    Really the vast majority of students choosing these housing option are not freshman looking to “shack up” they are often student struggling with sexual identity, sometime siblings, and more often then not sophomores who struggle with if they should get an apartment or stay on campus and this allows them to while living with whom ever they want.

    — B    Apr 4, 11:58 PM    #

19. Megan, I am actually roommates with another girl who makes my college experience harder rather than easier. She refuses to talk to me after I told her she couldn’t use my fridge anymore. She only wanted to be my roommate because of my tv, printer, and fridge. No one will swap with me because they don’t want to deal with her snobby attitude either. So while I see your point, there really are bundles of trouble no matter what sex your roommate is.

    — Hannah    Apr 9, 09:56 AM    #

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