FIRST PERSON

Reflections on the First Year

Three assistant professors find the going tough in their first year on the tenure track

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By ANDREW KEMP, SAMARA MADRID, and JOSEPH FLYNN

Samara Madrid: Recently I attended a colleague's graduation. Four women with Ph.D.'s sat at a table drinking wine and celebrating our friend's success. Our conversation turned to the sacrifices that women make in academe and the losses that come with our career choices.

At the close of my first year on the tenure track at Northern Illinois University, I think the most important lesson I learned had to do with transforming the sacrifices and losses into love and gratitude.

I could, at this point, offer simple tips about how to avoid the pitfalls of daily academic life. But most of us know how to write a paper, teach a class, and collaborate with a colleague. What we may not know is how to deal with the emotional fallout.

Most women I speak with about the process of earning a Ph.D. and getting tenure use words like "loss," "broken down," "sacrifice," and "barely getting by." It reminds me of speaking with soldiers who have just returned from war. They show you their battle wounds, talk about why they went to war in the first place, and ponder if the war was worth the cost.

Women in academe have battle scars, too. I have met some female academics who have transformed their wounds into a reverence for life, while others have let their wounds fester into bitterness.

I experienced my own losses this year, personally and professionally. When I completed my Ph.D., and began my journey on the tenure track, I had this romantic notion that winning the battle would turn me into the perfect academic woman. I would lose 40 pounds, publish four articles in the first six months, find my soul mate, get a big research grant, run a marathon, and receive the highest teaching evaluations.

Perhaps the biggest loss I experienced this year was the loss of a dream that turned out to be wholly unrealistic. It was the loss of an image about what it might mean to be a Successful Female Academic. Does that woman even exist? And who created her image, anyway?

From what I've seen, a true academic warrior does not buy into that unrealistic image. She courageously and purposefully follows her own path. She takes risks, speaks her truth, and allows emotions such as love — yes, I said love — to guide her teaching, research, and service. She is complex, rich, deep, and soulful.

In my yearly performance review last month, I asked the department chair what I needed to do to get tenure. He said, "Just be you, Samara."

That was the best piece of advice I received all year.

***

Joseph Flynn: If the theme of this month's installment is "What did we learn the first year?" then I learned some big lessons.

First and foremost, your relationship with your students is paramount. After the February 14 shootings here — when a young man walked onto the campus and opened fire inside a lecture hall, killing five students and wounding others — my semester fell apart. I could not get myself focused on my teaching and thought this year marked my poorest showing ever in the classroom.

To my surprise, my students really enjoyed my classes in spite of all the hiccups and missteps. They offered useful critiques of my teaching and their comments actually gave me much to consider as I move forward. It's like they called in my pardon just as I was beginning to feel like the proverbial dead man walking.

Second, recognize your successes. I was able to deliver two really good conference presentations. I contributed to a recurring column for a pretty good publication (wink, wink). I grew closer to developing a clear research agenda. I formed strong relationships with my colleagues and met new ones at other institutions. I began to serve on university committees. I understood more about the process of getting published.

And, well, to be honest, I had a great time as a first-year professor. During my final evaluation, my department chair assuaged my fear and loathing about my teaching in the spring and let me know that I was on a good trajectory. I was humbled.

Third, we often think of academic work as a job done in isolation. We think saying that about ourselves makes us sound like mavericks. But in my experience, success in academe is really about teamwork and communication. Simply put, I do not think I could have made it through this semester had it not been for the support of my departmental colleagues.

Building strong relationships in your department is key as you move toward tenure. Ask for help. Be open to criticism. And let your conscience guide you.

Finally, this job can become all-consuming all too easily. On too many evenings, I have found myself totally distracted from my family. You must take time for your family, your friends, and yourself.

For those of you who are just finishing a dissertation and going straight into a teaching gig, do whatever you have to do to get away from the work for a while and decompress before your job begins. Because when it does, you will have plenty of time to learn how to be a professor.

***

Andrew Kemp: The first year is finished. I am tired. I have used more words this semester in writing, teaching, and committee work than I thought I had in me. Therefore, I am going to dispense with eloquence, organization, and paragraphs. Here is my list of what I learned this year, in no particular order:

• More isn't necessarily better — when it comes to assignments, that is. I used to teach high school. Coming out of that background into higher education, I applied the K-12 model of assignments: Give 'em lots of them. I have learned that, with graduate students, that approach makes for a veritable grading nightmare. A few good, thought-provoking assignments work well.
• You can't get tenure your first year. Don't try to finish everything.
• Appreciate silence.

While it seems like a good idea to get involved in lots of campus committees, don't (if you can help it). Getting involved is great for building relationships, but getting too involved takes a lot of time and energy with little reward.

• I don't like being called a newbie.
• Refocus on the dissertation as a means of getting a few articles out. That might seem obvious, but it took me a while to get back into the diss. I had worked on it for so long finishing my degree, I found that revisiting it gave me a migraine.
• Write with your colleagues. Share ideas with them.
• Exercise. It gives you energy. It also keeps off the weight. I didn't exercise enough. Now I have to diet.
• Keep your office door open. Some of the best conversations I have had have been on a whim. In fact, I have two papers in progress because someone walked in and we started talking.
• Don't be afraid to contact anyone, Part 1: One of my specialties is place-based education. In my first month on the job, I contacted most of the big names in the field via e-mail message, introduced myself, and asked if they had any interest in collaboration. Every one of them responded within two days.
• Talk to senior professors. They know the drill. They've done it. They know procedures, rules, and policies. They also give great advice.
• Wander aimlessly on the campus. Go in and out of buildings. Meet people. Drive through the town. The university is your place. Get to know it.
• Don't be afraid to contact anyone, Part 2: This column came about because I suggested the idea and called. Now here we are on the fifth installment.
• Don't try to write too many papers at once. Higher education is great for stimulating the mind. I talk to people and inevitably an idea for a paper springs up. Now I am up to eight. How many have I finished? Zero.
• I thought this first year would be stimulating, challenging, frustrating, and exciting, and it has been. It's also been a lot tougher that I ever thought it would be.
• Most important, be flexible. I think a part of everyone wants to be perceived as tough: Here are the rules, these are the due dates, it's now or never. But life happens and it happens for everyone.
• Getting to this point required a lifetime of work; this is the reward. So appreciate it. I am an assistant professor at a university. How cool is that?

***

All three of us: We are three different people, with different lives, responsibilities, and goals, but we all share this aspect of our lives: We know that we are learning, we are growing, and we are accepting the responsibilities associated with being an academic. If we could offer one lesson we have all learned from this trying first year, it's that relationships are important — relationships with students, colleagues, family, and friends.

Being a new professor can be lonely. Don't let it be.

Andrew Kemp, Samara Madrid, and Joseph Flynn are assistant professors in the department of teaching and learning at Northern Illinois University's College of Education. They are chronicling their first year on the tenure track. You can read their previous columns about On-the-Job Training, When the Shooting Started, When the Personal Intrudes on the Professional, and Battered Academic Egos.