First Person

A Change of Heart

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By Nathaniel Worther

Last night, a friend of mine asked me, "If you could do it all over again, would you still get your Ph.D.?" Three months ago, I would have immediately replied, "Absolutely."

But last night, I actually stuttered for a few seconds. Then, sounding like a politician trying to avoid a real answer, I managed to eke out something like, "It's been a great experience and I've learned a lot."

With that realization, my world came to a crashing halt. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I just spent 24 years (including kindergarten) preparing for a career that I thought I wanted -- as an engineering professor. Now, I'm not so sure.

But let's rewind for a moment. In my first column, I talked about finishing my Ph.D. and about how, rather than look for a postdoc, I had opted to become a Congressional Science Fellow, where I will work in a Congressional staff office as a science adviser. Before I started the job, I worried about whether the fellowship would hinder or help my chances of attaining a tenure-track job. Boy, what a few months will do to change a person's perspective.

In the midst of finishing my Ph.D., I spent an entire month last fall in Washington, attending an intense three-week orientation program where I learned the ins and outs of how the government really works. Basically, don't believe everything you read in your high-school civics book.

Day after day, the cream of the crop of people from academe, government, industry, and the media spoke about the on-again, off-again relationship between government and scientists. We talked about global warming, stem-cell research, genetically modified organisms, even abstinence programs.

Almost more important than the content of the presentations were the résumés of the speakers. There were people from the Departments of Defense, Energy, and Homeland Security; the National Science Foundation; the National Institute of Standards and Technology; the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy; the Congressional Research Service, and all sorts of other agencies and offices.

Needless to say, I was impressed. But more than that, I was intrigued with the possibility of other jobs outside of academe. What is stopping me from becoming director of the Department of Energy? Could I use my skills as a teacher and adviser to counsel the president instead of freshmen and sophomores?

Wait a minute. Am I thinking -- gasp! -- of getting a government job instead of an academic position once my fellowship ends?

The truth is that I am. And it shows in the answer to my friend's question about my Ph.D. I am starting to second-guess my decision to go all the way.

There is another sign that my interest in academe is faltering. Several job advertisements have come to my attention at universities that are at the top of my list. Three months ago, I would have put together an application package for each one and immediately sent them out.

Now, I can only muster a sigh and something along the lines of, "I'll get to it when I get to it. When's the application deadline?"

It's too bad that my attitude has soured because the openings are at really great universities with programs that I like -- heavy on the teaching and light on the research. They are all in Mid-Atlantic states, something that I was really looking for because my wife and I would like to live near our families. Which, by the way, is what makes Washington such a great location for us because we would be within 90 minutes of both parents' houses.

I'm also not as interested in the faculty jobs because of the timing of the application and start dates. Some of the departments are requesting applications immediately, whereas others will be accepting them until the early spring.

To me, it's an ethical problem. I don't feel that I can apply to those departments unless I have a good-faith desire to take the job if it's offered to me. At this point in my life, I can't say that about any academic job. I just need to find out what else is out there. If I don't like what I see, I can always go back to academe, assuming it will take me.

Back to my friend's question about my Ph.D.: Was it worth it? If I'm not going to become a professor, maybe I didn't absolutely need my Ph.D. Maybe I should have earned an M.B.A. or J.D. Those degrees would probably be more useful in a government position.

Well, let's look at all of the intangibles and skills that I gained while working toward my Ph.D. After all, education is more than a piece of paper.

I learned how to manage and balance my time among classes, research, and teaching. I learned how to thoughtfully approach problems and work toward realistic solutions. I learned how to work cooperatively with faculty members, researchers, and other graduate students. Most important, I learned that perseverance, hard work, and enthusiasm are not just buzzwords for a job interview, but words to live by.

I believe that those qualities are desirable in any employee, in academe, government, or anywhere else. A Ph.D. should at least get me an interview for most nonacademic jobs. I may have to explain to a prospective employer why I took such a roundabout route to wind up in his or her office. I may be rejected because, in their view, I wasted six years toiling away in a lab.

That's fine with me. I think I can explain it. There's nothing I like more than changing people's perceptions of engineers and what we can accomplish. Alas, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm not even in Congress yet and already I'm using political rhetoric.

As I assess my graduate education, I will fondly remember the saying, "Pain is temporary but pride is forever." That quote has been attributed to an anonymous author, but I'm sure that whoever said it earned a Ph.D.

And so, now I get to sign my name Dr. Worther. Would I do it all over again? Just for that, you bet.