Ms. Mentor

Why Won't She Behave?

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Question: My question is about perpetual temporaries. Every department has them, with titles like "research associate" or "adjunct." They got their Ph.D.'s here years ago, but instead of moving on like most people, they stay ... and stay ... and stay. "Nancy," for instance, would never be hired on a tenure track, due to lack of publications, but has been kept on anyway in low-paying positions, teaching a few courses and working in the lab I share with several other faculty members. I have had complaints from my students about Nancy's "bossing" them around in the lab and trying to "tell them" how to do their work. When I heard of this behavior, I immediately told the students that they report to me. I short-circuit Nancy's interference by maintaining a high presence in the lab, and by informing the students that if there's a problem, they should tell Nancy to talk to me. (She never has. I think she is frightened.) My question is, will this person never leave? Why is she happy (?!) or at least satisfied with a low-paying temporary position? I refuse to hire Ph.D.'s to do technician work, but other professors keep finding small contracts or little bits of work that permit these people to keep hanging around. My opinion is that it is morally wrong to do this. We should kick them out of the nest and let them get on with their careers.

Answer: My, my, you do sound like an underappreciated film director ("These actors have their own ideas, the churls! Don't they realize they're my puppets?"). You also remind Ms. Mentor of writers whose characters stubbornly take on lives of their own and argue with their creators ("No, Juliet, you cannot run away with him and live happily ever after, no matter how much you beg!"). Like auteurs and authors, you have very firm ideas about how other people should run their lives.

Ms. Mentor suggests that you try out Nancy's role, for a moment, and consider a plot in which she, not you, is the central character. She is obviously competent and experienced, but she has chosen a very different path. Maybe she discovered in grad school that she'd rather be a bench scientist than an assistant professor who grinds out grant applications and journal articles, schleps to endless meetings, and presides over a little ant farm of researchers and students and helpers. Nancy may be someone who loves lab work, knows her own heart, and does not care about tenure or awards or big bucks.

Yes, Ms. Mentor knows that you think Nancy is a coward, unwilling to face the world. But Ms. Mentor suspects that Nancy's story is much richer and more complex. Nancy may have a life partner rooted in Same City, or she may be a single mom who wants Same City's innovative schools for her kids. She may have a disability treatable only in Same City. Or she may be a devoted daughter to aging parents, or a would-be musician, or a community activist working to change her part of the globe. Or Nancy may just love Same City too much to leave it.

In short, Ms. Mentor thinks you need to brush up on your imagination. The Nancy you describe is a drab character, without dreams or friends, or personality -- and when she follows her own bent, not yours, you get angry. Ms. Mentor wonders why.

Okay, okay, I'll be nice to Nancy, you say grudgingly -- but Ms. Mentor wants you to rewrite your drama even further, making Nancy a solid supporting actor. A Nancy who knows everyone can warn you about hiring that incompetent assistant who keeps getting fobbed off on new people. Nancy knows what works and why, and knows why you can't expect Professors Top and Bottom to collaborate on anything (Mrs. Top used to be Mrs. Bottom). Nancy is your institutional memory, the human database you need to be a wise and successful monarch in your own lab.

Nancys in the lab are often nurturers, rarely backstabbers, and sometimes defenders against tragic or comical mishaps. A longterm researcher who knew about safety gloves (there are 26 different kinds) might have saved the life of the Dartmouth professor who wore the wrong kind to work with mercury -- and died, poisoned. Experienced research associates can keep novices from releasing dangerous viruses, breathing toxic substances, killing puppies, or burning down the lab.

Right now Nancy is mentoring students and sharing her expertise, while you are sabotaging yourself, undermining her, and fuming about her "behavior" (which makes you sound a little, well, adolescent). You're wondering why she can't be like you (what's her problem?), when in fact she's playing her role much better than you're playing yours. And so Ms. Mentor suggests that you applaud and reward Nancy. Give her a co-starring role. Make her your role model, and you both will shine.

Question: A bunch of my colleagues put on a smutty strip show that got lurid and embarrassing local coverage. I want to write to the local newspaper distancing myself and insisting that the university investigate this travesty. But since I'm untenured, would I be better off minding my own business?

Answer: Yes.

SAGE READERS:: Having received several cranky letters, on sundry subjects, from individuals with the same last name, Ms. Mentor wonders if this is a new pastime at family reunions ("Ooh, let's all write to Ms. Mentor!"). She will monitor the situation closely.

Newer correspondents, meanwhile, persist in asking old questions already answered in Ms. Mentor's past columns or in her tome, listed below. They want to know if they should change their names when they marry (no); if they'll be hired for Ph.D-level jobs if they have only master's degrees (no); and if they're too old to change careers (no). And, of course, they wonder why they didn't get their Dream Jobs (who knows?). As academics move into summer mode, Ms. Mentor continues to welcome gossip, rants, and illuminating anecdotes, especially on such subjects as moodiness, bullies, and mis-mentoring. Anonymity is guaranteed. She reminds readers that she rarely answers letters personally, and it will do you no good to send her your vita. She is not hiring.