• October 31, 2014
October 31, 2014, 1:12:22 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with your Chronicle username and password
News: Talk online about your experiences as an adjunct, visiting assistant professor, postdoc, or other contract faculty member.
 
Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 494
  Print  
Author Topic: Why Parents Drink  (Read 878332 times)
fishbrains
I've been called a [member], but never a
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 2,460


« on: March 31, 2010, 9:27:51 PM »

Conversation at the dinner table tonight after a long day with no naps (note: The six-year-old attends Catholic school):

Me: "What did you learn in school today, six-year-old" [not her real name]?
Six-year-old: "We saw a movie about Jesus."
Me: "What was it about?"
Six-year-old: "He died on the cross."
Me: "Why did he die on the cross?"
Six-year-old: [eye-roll] "Where else would he die?"
Me: "Okay, fair enough. What else did you learn?"
Six-year-old: "We learned about Jews."
Five-year-old: "I like apple juice."
Six-year-old: "There isn't no thing called "apple-Jews."
Five-year-old: "Yes there is. We had some for snack."
Four-year-old: "Where's is the apple juice?"
Six-year-old: "No! . . ."
Five-year-old: "We already had apple juice."
Four-year old: "Where's is my apple juice?"
Six-year-old: "You don't get "apple-Jews." There's no such thing!"
Four-year-old: [Screaming] "Five-year-old got apple juice! I want my apple juice! I want my apple juice!"
Six-year-old: "You can't have it! There's no . . ."
[Four-year-old throws food across the table, falls to the floor]
Mommy: "That's it! Everyone go sit on their beds while Daddy and I eat!"
[Four-year-old screams "I want apple juice!" on the floor for fifteen minutes in an attempt to win the Academy Award for most mindless tantrum ever thrown while the other two cry in their beds. Mommy and I eat.]

Please share those kid moments that make you drink.



Logged

Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA,
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet,
And party 'till you're broke and they drag you away.
It's okay: You can dare to be stupid!
~Weird Al
browneyedgirl
Senior member
****
Posts: 301


« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2010, 9:40:11 PM »

I'm laughing over here!

My daughter is only 8 months but I can't imagine the priceless conversations that will be coming in the next few years!

And props to you for having 3 kids so close together!
Logged
skinnymargarita
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 1,399

Quality is not an act, it is a habit ~ Aristotle


« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2010, 9:44:23 PM »

Daughter: I want to get married in Mexico.
Mom: that will cost us 3000$ per couple for rooms alone.
Daughter: I know, only the people that really want to be there will come.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2010, 9:45:01 PM by skinnymargarita » Logged

The task of the modern educator is not to cut down jungles, but to irrigate deserts.
C. S. Lewis
bread_pirate_naan
Preposterous
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 5,233

softwears


« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2010, 9:46:48 PM »

Too bad you can't smoke, then it would be funny.
Logged

In unrelated news, I'd like a slice of cake.  --corny  /  It will go great. --jackalope
fishbrains
I've been called a [member], but never a
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 2,460


« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2010, 9:48:56 PM »

Too bad you can't smoke, then it would be funny.

:)
Logged

Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA,
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet,
And party 'till you're broke and they drag you away.
It's okay: You can dare to be stupid!
~Weird Al
mouseman
Oh dear, how did I become a
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 9,708

The Validater/Validator-in-Chief


WWW
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2010, 9:51:02 PM »

Not a conversation with a kid, but directly related to your conversation.  This was before my family moved to Israel, in East Lansing in the early 70's.  A friend of the family is over at the house, and she was going to drink some milk.  She reaches over for a cup, but opens the cupboard where the fleishig (meat) dishes were kept (my parents weren't very religious, but kept kosher at home back then).  My mother tells her: "no, those are only for juice!".  The woman gave her a very strange look - turns out that she thought that my mother meant something entirely different...

BTW, I'm dying to know what your six year old learned about Jews.  I hope it's not that we killed Christ or desecrate the Host in secret.
Logged

In the midst of the word he was trying to say,
In the midst of his laughter and glee,
He had softly and suddenly vanished away -- -
For the Snark was a Boojum, you see.
                                                  Lewis Carroll
fishbrains
I've been called a [member], but never a
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 2,460


« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2010, 10:03:43 PM »

Not a conversation with a kid, but directly related to your conversation.  This was before my family moved to Israel, in East Lansing in the early 70's.  A friend of the family is over at the house, and she was going to drink some milk.  She reaches over for a cup, but opens the cupboard where the fleishig (meat) dishes were kept (my parents weren't very religious, but kept kosher at home back then).  My mother tells her: "no, those are only for juice!".  The woman gave her a very strange look - turns out that she thought that my mother meant something entirely different...

BTW, I'm dying to know what your six year old learned about Jews.  I hope it's not that we killed Christ or desecrate the Host in secret.

Nothing quite so sinister. Keep in mind we're talking about an Easter movie in kindergarden here. It may have been the first time she has heard about Jews, other than Jesus being one. Probably shame on me for that. 

We're in the rural Bible Belt--a strange world: Catholics are viewed as somewhat exotic and aren't always seen as "real" Christians here. I $hit you not. In reality, the Catholic school is probably less hostile towards non-Christians than the local Southern Baptists on any given day. The lack of diversity in this place has to take it's toll on some level, but that's probably for another thread.   
Logged

Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA,
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet,
And party 'till you're broke and they drag you away.
It's okay: You can dare to be stupid!
~Weird Al
mouseman
Oh dear, how did I become a
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 9,708

The Validater/Validator-in-Chief


WWW
« Reply #7 on: March 31, 2010, 10:48:00 PM »

Not a conversation with a kid, but directly related to your conversation.  This was before my family moved to Israel, in East Lansing in the early 70's.  A friend of the family is over at the house, and she was going to drink some milk.  She reaches over for a cup, but opens the cupboard where the fleishig (meat) dishes were kept (my parents weren't very religious, but kept kosher at home back then).  My mother tells her: "no, those are only for juice!".  The woman gave her a very strange look - turns out that she thought that my mother meant something entirely different...

BTW, I'm dying to know what your six year old learned about Jews.  I hope it's not that we killed Christ or desecrate the Host in secret.

Nothing quite so sinister. Keep in mind we're talking about an Easter movie in kindergarden here. It may have been the first time she has heard about Jews, other than Jesus being one. Probably shame on me for that. 

We're in the rural Bible Belt--a strange world: Catholics are viewed as somewhat exotic and aren't always seen as "real" Christians here. I $hit you not. In reality, the Catholic school is probably less hostile towards non-Christians than the local Southern Baptists on any given day. The lack of diversity in this place has to take it's toll on some level, but that's probably for another thread.   

And here I thought that I would have to send pictures to prove that I don't have horns ;-)
Logged

In the midst of the word he was trying to say,
In the midst of his laughter and glee,
He had softly and suddenly vanished away -- -
For the Snark was a Boojum, you see.
                                                  Lewis Carroll
paultuttle
wondering how in the world I became a
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 1,415


« Reply #8 on: April 01, 2010, 9:15:57 AM »

My parents had four boys over a total of 4.5 years.  Yes, at one point they had four boys all under the age of five.  We were all highly intelligent (and undiagnosed probable ADHD).






Now I completely understand why my mother was nonstop out-of-her-mind crazy for twenty years, and why my father didn't come home until rather late (8:00 p.m. or after) during the work week.  Had they been people who drank any form of alcohol, I'm sure they'd have been alcoholics by the time I (the last of the four) was, oh, about two.
Logged

Nothing is more terrifying than Texans on ice.
irhack
Marshwiggle
Senior member
****
Posts: 671


« Reply #9 on: April 01, 2010, 9:29:33 AM »

Where I lived (for a blessedly brief period) in the southwestern US, telling people that you were Catholic was like announcing that you'd been raised by wolves. The reaction was about the same.

During my brief stint in Appalachia, I found the same, Catholics are not considered to be Christian. Though a Baptist preacher up in Michigan also told me I wasn't really a Christian too, so it may be more a Baptist thing than a southern thing... but I digress.



Logged
monsterx
Senior member
****
Posts: 894


« Reply #10 on: April 01, 2010, 9:33:55 AM »

Not one to drive me to drink, but still:

Daddy asks mommy at the dinner table about what she did today at work.  The conversation involves genetic sequencing and pipetting.

Little Monster #1 (3yo) to Little Monster #2 (5yo): "Do you know how to do genetic sequencing?"
Little Monster #2: "Yes, I know how"
Little Monster #1: "Do you know how to pipette?"
Little Monster #2: "Yes, I know how"
Logged
dr_alcott
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 10,320


« Reply #11 on: April 01, 2010, 10:54:21 AM »

Love the stories . . . I love the line "There isn't no thing called 'apple Jews.'" That's gonna stick with me.

My 4-yr-old daughter (also my youngest) is interested in babies these days. For example, recently at the end of a baby shower she asked when she was gonna get to watch the baby come out. Here are a couple more baby-related examples:

Daughter: "Mommy, I'm not gonna have a baby until I'm a grome-up, right?"
Me [emphatically]: "Right!"
Daughter: "Then why do I have a bellybutton now?"

(Preface: I'm adopted, and a while back, I met my birth mother, and we see her once or twice a year.)
Daughter: "Mommy, you have two mommies, right?"
Me: "That's right!" 
[We review: "Mary" had me in her tummy, but Grandma took care of me and helped me grow up.]
Daughter: "But how did you get from Mary's tummy into Grandma's tummy?"

Clearly more age-appropriate bird-and-bees talk is in order . . . .
Logged

You must be your own snow, Dr_Alcott.  You must lift, and sparkle, and then melt away.

I love everyone here!
collegekidsmom
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 3,038


« Reply #12 on: April 01, 2010, 6:26:25 PM »

One day when I was a kid and it was raining out all of us were running around the house, around and around, jumping off the furniture. It seemed fun. Then my father came home, and my mother yelled when he asked about her day "I CAN'T STAND ANY OF THEM!!"
Logged
motherofgods
Member
***
Posts: 183


« Reply #13 on: April 01, 2010, 6:55:05 PM »

As any parent knows, a young child who plays quietly in their room for any length of time has either fallen asleep or up to no good.  Today, my five-year-old disappeared into her room for about 45 minutes.  I knew she was awake/alive because I could hear her talking.  Assuming she was playing with her Littlest Pet Shop toys, I left her alone.  When I finally got up to check on her, I found that she had taken every single item of clothing out of her closet and off the hangers and made a huge pile on the floor.  She claims she was playing dress-up. 

I'll be enjoying a few adult beverages this evening, for sure.
Logged
bronwyn69
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 2,084


WWW
« Reply #14 on: April 01, 2010, 7:32:14 PM »

A young relative's 4 year old, usually potty-trained son s*** his pants this past weekend. She probably would have loved a beer (or a shot) at that moment. Vodka shots always make cleaning up the poo easier.
Logged

I'm all, "Up yours with your arugula in March."  
Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 494
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.9 | SMF © 2006-2008, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
  • 1255 Twenty-Third St., N.W.
  • Washington, D.C. 20037
subscribe today

Get the insight you need for success in academe.