So I just stumbled in on this thread and read all nine pages of glorious, elephant-y, crisco-y goodness with a glass of scotch and tears in my eyes. Legitimately the most glorious thread I've seen in a while. I especially appreciated the point where all feedback deviated into non sequitur and song. A masterpiece of a thread, truly.
Did you kill the little dove, you beasts, you? Scared her away? Why? WHY?!
[In all seriousness, OP, I would just agree with some of the kinder souls on this thread who've suggested you seek professional help with this one. What you are verbalizing are some very obvious and unsettling thought patterns that could prove damaging to your future. I know you are not aware of how ridiculous you sound, but I assure you that you are not the first student to go through this very, very tired struggle. A professional can help you deal with these feelings in a healthy way so that you don't end up doing anything to embarrass yourself in real life.]
She's a repeat troll who comes here about once a semester with the same story. She may indeed need therapy, but sincere and kind suggestions to seek same have always failed in the past.
I think we starved her of air. :)