Gotta agree. If you do conclude you must get the PhD, go do it in a country where it takes a sane amount of time (ie, not the US)
Although this may not be the best idea if the OP is not interested in research, since shorter PhDs tend to exclusively involve research with no coursework.
One can do "short" degrees in the US if one picks carefully. However, yes, those are research degrees based on research productivity from the first semester.