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Author Topic: Post excerpts from your bad Xmas letters here  (Read 4823 times)
macaroon
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« Reply #15 on: December 12, 2012, 10:36:14 AM »

The worst one we ever got was from my father in law and step mother in law.

Paragraph two listed all of the horse births on their farm, in detail about their markings, and with their pedigrees and birthdates.

In paragraph six, they mentioned a new grandchild - my daughter - but no mention of which child had borne said grandchild, whether the child was a boy or a girl, or when said child was born.


I can't believe they sent that out.  
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kiana
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« Reply #16 on: December 12, 2012, 11:17:03 AM »

Paragraph two listed all of the horse births on their farm, in detail about their markings, and with their pedigrees and birthdates.

In paragraph six, they mentioned a new grandchild - my daughter - but no mention of which child had borne said grandchild, whether the child was a boy or a girl, or when said child was born.

I'd have been really tempted to send a return letter describing, in detail, my child's pedigree and markings.

I'd probably have just written it and not sent it, though.
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macaroon
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« Reply #17 on: December 12, 2012, 11:53:41 AM »

Paragraph two listed all of the horse births on their farm, in detail about their markings, and with their pedigrees and birthdates.

In paragraph six, they mentioned a new grandchild - my daughter - but no mention of which child had borne said grandchild, whether the child was a boy or a girl, or when said child was born.

I'd have been really tempted to send a return letter describing, in detail, my child's pedigree and markings.

I'd probably have just written it and not sent it, though.

Kiana, let's just say the letter was very telling about my FIL and StepMIL's interest in the grandchildren.  The child is 7, and FIL has seen her 4 times, and Step-MIL has seen her once, 7 years ago.
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anisogamy
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« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2012, 8:37:05 AM »

The worst one we ever got was from my father in law and step mother in law.

Paragraph two listed all of the horse births on their farm, in detail about their markings, and with their pedigrees and birthdates.

In paragraph six, they mentioned a new grandchild - my daughter - but no mention of which child had borne said grandchild, whether the child was a boy or a girl, or when said child was born.


I can't believe they sent that out.  

That is horrifying. You've written about your in-laws' (lack of a) relationship with your children before, but this is still shockingly awful.
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macaroon
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« Reply #19 on: December 13, 2012, 11:03:54 AM »

The worst one we ever got was from my father in law and step mother in law.

Paragraph two listed all of the horse births on their farm, in detail about their markings, and with their pedigrees and birthdates.

In paragraph six, they mentioned a new grandchild - my daughter - but no mention of which child had borne said grandchild, whether the child was a boy or a girl, or when said child was born.


I can't believe they sent that out.  

That is horrifying. You've written about your in-laws' (lack of a) relationship with your children before, but this is still shockingly awful.

It is!  And it's a bit bizarre as well.  I know that men do this - abandon the "old" family for a "new", shinier family, but this one is just odd.  Mr. Macaroon's dad divorced his mother when Mr. Macaroon was 5.  But he lived the next town over from Mr. Macaroon's mom until Mr. Macaroon was 20.  He stayed pretty involved with Mr. M's life (and mine) up until he married Step-MIL 9 years ago - which coincided with the birth of our first child. He completely ditched his adult children for Step-MIL and Step-daughter.  But Stepdaughter was an adult at the time!!!  I mean, who DOES that? 

My Step-SIL is trust-fund trash.  They've been footing the bill for her outdoor adventure escapades, and falling into that co-dependent trick bag.  She might be "fun and exciting", but she's also broke all the time and in need of $1000 for a root canal, $500 here to get the car fixed...  etc... etc...  They keep hooking up with her for these exciting adventures for which they foot the bill.  Oh, and she's been arrested for fraud a couple of times. 

And, the weird thing is?  Mr. Macaroon, the Coconuts, and I are FAR from boring people.  Every year, he goes skiing with Step-SIL, but our ski trip (which he always declines the invite) is unquestionably more badass than hers.  Every year, he goes hiking with her - but our hiking trips?  Also substantially more hard-core.  My kids can cover about 10 miles a day, and every time we get up to a popular summit, we hear, "WHOA!  HOW DID THOSE KIDS GET UP HERE?!?!  Yet he's thinking he'll catch up with them when they get older and more interesting.  Um, in 2014, we're putting in for permits for the High Sierra Loop, to through-hike the Grand Canyon, and for some multi-day nordic hut-to-hut ski trips in Canada.... so this is really the last year he'll be able to keep up with them.
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mystictechgal
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« Reply #20 on: December 13, 2012, 3:02:49 PM »

Got my cousin's Christmas letter a couple of days ago. For once it came in a regular envelope with normal postage. (The last few years it has ranged from 27-135 pages delivered in a manila envelope.) This year he skipped the full daily diary dump, and any details about family or life in general, and just kept what was important: A two-page single-spaced listing of Bible verses meant to demonstrate how great God is and how grateful we should be that He loves us--apparently I am supposed to look them up, there was just the list, no comments.

O.K., whatever. I suppose it was better than the stack of used religious-themed paper restaurant place mats he enclosed a few years ago or the photocopy of, was it Genesis?, that he sent last year.

I miss the days when he used to work at NASA and would send me official transcripts of ground-flight crew shuttle conversations and whatever official patches had been issued. Heck, I miss getting the occasional email or phone call from him. He used to be sort of normal, but he moved to the desert and became a Luddite after he retired. I wonder how my 93-yo Aunt is doing in grad school? He hasn't mentioned her in years.
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relocated_southerner
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« Reply #21 on: December 13, 2012, 11:55:26 PM »

My favorite is a letter that I get a version of every year from my very religious previous mentor.  It goes something like this:

"This year, my family did a bunch of charity work.  We went all over the world doing nice things.  My family are well.  The world is a great place." 

Then, it always ends with this, "We love you very much.  We are anxiously awaiting seeing you soon for the rapture!"

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treehugger1
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« Reply #22 on: December 19, 2012, 10:34:20 AM »

The worst one I received was from my Mother (see Toxic Parent thread), whose paragraphs about what her children were doing had only the most tangenial relationship to reality. Instead of chronicling what my sister and I were actually doing or hoped to do, it was all what she dreamed that we had been doing, and thought we should do -- presented as actual fact.


I can still remember the conversation with my sister after she got the letter.

Sistreehugger: "So she says: 'And Sistreehugger is happy to be going back to culinary school. She is going to open her own restaurant specializing in soup when she is finished' Where the h*ll did that come from? I'm not going to culinary school. I'm not going back to school at all. And I don't even like making soup! She's so weird."
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frogfactory
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« Reply #23 on: December 22, 2012, 10:18:11 AM »

And some responses
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histchick
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« Reply #24 on: December 22, 2012, 2:20:24 PM »

And some responses

Those are hysterical - thanks for the link!

Histchick, who has fantasized about responses to family newsletters as well as "real" dissertation acknowledgments.

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baleful_regards
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« Reply #25 on: December 22, 2012, 7:46:00 PM »

And some responses

Those are hysterical - thanks for the link!

Histchick, who has fantasized about responses to family newsletters as well as "real" dissertation acknowledgments.




HAHAhahahaha! Oh, I wish I could have written real diss acknowledgements.
There would have been an ode to anti-depressants and my therapists at the very least.
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fiona
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« Reply #26 on: December 22, 2012, 8:50:21 PM »

I'd forgotten that I ever even get these. And then--today!--got one from an ole college roommate.

She told me what the weather was like all last fall in her area (not interesting, like say Hurricane Sandy). The temperature, the wind velocity, the sun, the inches of rain.

She is not a meteorologist. Neither am I.

That was it.

The Fiona
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janewales
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« Reply #27 on: December 24, 2012, 11:05:55 AM »


A few years ago, we got one from a distant cousin, written in the voice/ persona of the family dog. It even referred to distant cousin's adult son as "the boy," as in "the boy had a very good year, though I'm sad I don't see him for walkies much any more."
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mended_drum
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« Reply #28 on: December 28, 2012, 8:28:26 PM »


A few years ago, we got one from a distant cousin, written in the voice/ persona of the family dog. It even referred to distant cousin's adult son as "the boy," as in "the boy had a very good year, though I'm sad I don't see him for walkies much any more."

Now, this one has potential.  I think I'll write one next year from the point of view of my coffee mug. 
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baleful_regards
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« Reply #29 on: December 28, 2012, 8:37:34 PM »


A few years ago, we got one from a distant cousin, written in the voice/ persona of the family dog. It even referred to distant cousin's adult son as "the boy," as in "the boy had a very good year, though I'm sad I don't see him for walkies much any more."

Now, this one has potential.  I think I'll write one next year from the point of view of my coffee mug. 

There is a very funny Saturday Night Live skit in which the holiday letter is written from the POV of the recently deceased cat.
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