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Author Topic: How to Land Your Kid in Therapy  (Read 65447 times)
frogfactory
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« Reply #30 on: June 30, 2011, 10:28:59 AM »


At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.

Oh gods.  I think I've found my new tagline.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
macaroon
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« Reply #31 on: June 30, 2011, 10:44:16 AM »


Perhaps the experience is different for high-achievers. But I almost certainly would have had a better freshman year if I had lived in an upperclass-dorm or off-campus. (FWIW, the upperclass-dorms at my undergrad U. didn't have the same problems).

I was a high-achiever in a freshmen dorm at a Top 10 Party School, and I didn't have any problems like this.  My roommate and I would keep each other up typing at night, and that was about it. 
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frogfactory
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« Reply #32 on: June 30, 2011, 10:51:02 AM »


Perhaps the experience is different for high-achievers. But I almost certainly would have had a better freshman year if I had lived in an upperclass-dorm or off-campus. (FWIW, the upperclass-dorms at my undergrad U. didn't have the same problems).

I was a high-achiever in a freshmen dorm at a Top 10 Party School, and I didn't have any problems like this.  My roommate and I would keep each other up typing at night, and that was about it. 

I was an overachiever and a hard partier (is that even a word?) in a (very) physically active relationship. I think I would have driven any room mate nuts.  Or possibly never emerged from my chrysalis.

I have also not shared a room with someone I wasn't sexually involved with since I was about seven (my sister) apart from hotel/hostel rooms while travelling.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
wet_blanket
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« Reply #33 on: June 30, 2011, 10:54:06 AM »

I'm in Froggy's camp that not wanting to share a room isn't a sign or symptom of snowflakery, although I do agree sharing should be an option for those (students, not administrators) looking to cut costs.  I'd rather see spending cut from rec services.  At my current U, there are no less than EIGHT gyms, open about 18 hours a day.  The aquatic center is like a resort.

And it's not just the students who are flakey.  Faculty offices and lab space and the like are always being remodelled so as to be more aesthetically pleasing.
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notaprof
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« Reply #34 on: June 30, 2011, 11:09:41 AM »

Frogfactory, was your university experience in the US, or in the UK?  I think the UK dorm experience is very different from the US.  In the US, most dorms have always been double rooms, sometimes tripled so it is a fairly common experience that all freshpeeps are in dorm doubles.  The single rooms are a prize that one gets if they have a low number in room draw in some places or can afford to pay the extra cost.  What I have been told about the UK is that there is very limited on campus housing in most universities but where there is such housing it is usually single rooms and primarily occupied by international students and first year students coming to school far from home.  Often students live at home while attending university or live in flats.  Is that the case?  
« Last Edit: June 30, 2011, 11:11:37 AM by notaprof » Logged

frogfactory
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« Reply #35 on: June 30, 2011, 11:18:53 AM »

Frogfactory, was your university experience in the US, or in the UK?  I think the UK dorm experience is very different from the US.  In the US, most dorms have always been double rooms, sometimes tripled so it is a fairly common experience that all freshpeeps are in dorm doubles.  What I have been told about the UK is that there is very limited on campus housing in most universities but where there is such housing it is usually single rooms and primarily occupied by international students and first year students coming to school far from home.  Often students live at home while attending university or live in flats.  Is that the case? 

In the UK.  In my experience, almost no-one lived with their parents, because a) why would you want to? and b) the chances of ending up at a university close enough to home were not high.

Generally, students live in university accommodation in year one (and a very small minority in year two), but are expected to find their own place to live for the rest of the degree.  Except for Oxbridge, where I believe there is or was a requirement that final year students live in halls (I may be wrong about that and misremembering - my Oxbridge degree was postgrad).

Regardless, the decision to build student rooms as two or three bedroom rooms was clearly a concious one, and a bad one, and not one students should be blamed for.  Sure, offer them if they're the only rooms available, but don't be shocked if students react with indignation or distaste.  That's not snowflakery, any more than it would be if they asked where the bathrooms are and were handed a shovel and told to dig a privy pit.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
concordancia
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« Reply #36 on: June 30, 2011, 11:27:27 AM »

Neither of my three undergrad institutions even had single occupancy options. RA's got a room designed for double occupancy to themselves, as might the occasional lucky soul whose roommate flaked either during the academic year or between registration and the start of classes, but even those were faced with the constant possibility that someone could be put in the room. This would be most likely to happen at the beginning of the Spring semester, but could happen if someone else made a case for why they and their assigned roommate could not live together.

At one university, they actually planned a couple of years ahead and one could apply for single occupancy, but again, the room was designed for double occupancy. And the plan was scuttled shortly after it was started in order to keep the number of students in mobile homes to a minimum when their was a shortage.
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elsie
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« Reply #37 on: June 30, 2011, 11:28:18 AM »

The thing is that dorms are very often among the older building on campus, and they were built when students with siblings would have spent a certain amount of time rooming together.

The dorm that I lived in as a freshman in 1981-82 is still in service as a dorm, and it was built with the expectation that two students would share a room and 12 rooms would share a large bathroom. So for universities to make the changes that would allow for single rooms would mean a massive outlay of capital, not something they can all afford.

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frogfactory
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« Reply #38 on: June 30, 2011, 11:33:41 AM »

they were built when students with siblings would have spent a certain amount of time rooming together.

Whut?

So, put up drywall walls between the beds that means privacy while sharing a bed.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
sciencegrad
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« Reply #39 on: June 30, 2011, 11:35:19 AM »

The thing is that dorms are very often among the older building on campus, and they were built when students with siblings would have spent a certain amount of time rooming together.

The dorm that I lived in as a freshman in 1981-82 is still in service as a dorm, and it was built with the expectation that two students would share a room and 12 rooms would share a large bathroom. So for universities to make the changes that would allow for single rooms would mean a massive outlay of capital, not something they can all afford.



While it might not be that much cheaper, my undergrad purchased a nearby apartment complex that was five or so years old.  These places ended up not being dorms per se.  I don't think they were available to first year students.  But they were fully furnished and offered a higher quality housing experience very similar to normal off-campus housing, but administered through the university.  Of course, they were much more expensive for the student than a comparable unit in the city not owned by the university.
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"Persons of good sense, I have since observed, seldom fall into [argument], except lawyers, university men, and men of all sorts that have been bred at Edinborough." -Benjamin Franklin
macaroon
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« Reply #40 on: June 30, 2011, 11:37:01 AM »

The thing is that dorms are very often among the older building on campus, and they were built when students with siblings would have spent a certain amount of time rooming together.

I don't know if that's so relevant.  I think that shared bedrooms are way more palatable if there is some other "common", yet still not public place available, like in a family home.  I know that when I was in college, students had a problem with shared dorm rooms, but much less of a problem with a shared bedroom if they were in an apartment.  In an apartment, they could go into the living room or kitchen in order to give their roommate some privacy.  

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frogfactory
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« Reply #41 on: June 30, 2011, 11:44:08 AM »

I meant room, not bed.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
rebelgirl
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« Reply #42 on: June 30, 2011, 12:16:03 PM »

Personally, I question the research that says living on-campus helps first-year students make the transition into college life. The other residents in my freshman-year dorm were seriously out of control, blasting music at all hours of the day and night, trashing the hallways and bathrooms, and causing all sorts of other mischief. The police were there at least 2-3 times per week. My high-achieving freshpeeps at PepsiU report similar complaints about noise.

One reason I left my old SLAC job to teach at a two year college was that the students lived as mountainguy describes.  Students routinely came to class hung over or stoned, and since they were "pay own ways" faculty were sternly told not to interfere.  During the first semester of my last year there, six students that I knew of had been hospitalized with alcohol poisoning before mid-term break--and those were just the ones I knew about.  Teaching in an environment like that was largely wasted effort.  I felt sad for the students who actually wanted to learn and tried to focus on them.

As erziefredula notes, at an elite SLAC, residential living and values really can be an important part of the educational experience.  But today, does that mean colleges must consciously build bridges from students' hyper-entitled background to a way of living with other people that's both self-governing and cooperative?  Lessons in community-building?  And who gives these lessons, and when?

Decades ago, my undergrad institution placed great emphasis on community, but I don't remember any student life service folks holding workshops or seminars to train us to live together.  We just did it.  We experienced roommate issues, embarrassment, etc., and went through all the usual heartbreak and angst that's going to happen when you throw a bunch of 18 year olds together that way.  But we survived without people getting hospitalized. 

Today, something's different.  The article heavily quotes Barry Schwartz - I found his Paradox of Choice provocative.  His ideas about how entitlement and excess choice paralyze people make sense.  The book - or at least its introductory section - would be interesting to assign as first year reading in residential colleges.
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sciencegrad
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« Reply #43 on: June 30, 2011, 12:46:45 PM »

One reason I left my old SLAC job to teach at a two year college was that the students lived as mountainguy describes.  Students routinely came to class hung over or stoned, and since they were "pay own ways" faculty were sternly told not to interfere.  During the first semester of my last year there, six students that I knew of had been hospitalized with alcohol poisoning before mid-term break--and those were just the ones I knew about.  Teaching in an environment like that was largely wasted effort.  I felt sad for the students who actually wanted to learn and tried to focus on them.

This is one thing I'm hoping I never have to deal with if I end up in academia after grad school.  I went to one of the top party schools in America and the excessive nature of the partying really upset me.
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"Persons of good sense, I have since observed, seldom fall into [argument], except lawyers, university men, and men of all sorts that have been bred at Edinborough." -Benjamin Franklin
rebelgirl
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« Reply #44 on: June 30, 2011, 3:45:12 PM »

As erziefredula notes, . . . .

Erzuliefreda - I apologize for misspelling your monicker.
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I blame all of our problems on that frikkin' Timmy. Lassie should have left his lazy @$$ in the well.
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