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Author Topic: grad students: avoid this etiquette mistake  (Read 12307 times)
hegemony
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« Reply #15 on: November 10, 2012, 2:04:02 PM »

If you set up an etiquette course here, OP, I hope those grad students reading will each send you a thank-you message.  And then I hope you respond and thank each one individually for the thank-you message.  It would only be polite.
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seniorscholar
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« Reply #16 on: November 10, 2012, 4:01:07 PM »

I don't expect a reply to rejections, but if you ask a favor of me, and I do it, and then you don't thank me, that pisses me off.

For example, I recently wrote a letter for someone's visa application. They were a student I had for one course 3 years ago. I never got an email back saying "Thanks for taking the time." That bugs me. You know what? I don't have to help you out. It's not part of my job to write visa application letters. At least say thank you.

Yes, exactly. But a rejection? A "thank you" for letting you know you've been rejected? Come on -- senior faculty send out a lot more rejections than acceptances, for conference proposals (when I reject 60 of the 65 proposals sent to me for a MLA session you'd send me a "thank you"? You must be out of your mind!), for requests to read something a stranger sends me to "look at" when I have no idea who this person is or why I've been asked to read an article not in my field?

Say "thank you" for an acceptance, so I know you received it, and tell me you'll present as scheduled; say thank you when you see that the reference letter you asked me for has been received by Interfolio, but don't bother me with one more e-mail when I've said "no" -- in fact, after teaching college for a long long time, when I see you're name in the inbox, I'll assume you're trying to talk me into reading it again, or thinking about it again, or some other annoying undergraduate whine, and may even delete it unread.
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viralterationis
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« Reply #17 on: November 19, 2012, 10:30:54 AM »

I'm writing as a professor to help grad students avoid one key mistake in etiquette.  Let's say you email a professor--especially one you do not know well--to ask for a significant favor (e.g., to join your dissertation committee or to be your formal mentor).  And let's say that the professor politely declines.  Do not fail to respond to the professor's email.  Just a short reply is appropriate: something like, "Dear Professor, thanks for considering my request.  I'm disappointed, of course, but I completely understand."  If you fail to do that, you hurt your chances for a positive response to your next request for a favor.

I've seen too many grad students make this mistake!  And it's a mistake that's so simple to avoid.

Dear Professor Working,

Thank you for the advice. I'm disappointed, of course, but I completely understand.

Sincerely,
VirAlterationis.

:-)
« Last Edit: November 19, 2012, 10:31:13 AM by viralterationis » Logged
lasquires
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Awaiting the zombie apocalypse.


« Reply #18 on: November 19, 2012, 4:48:28 PM »

I'm writing as a professor to help grad students avoid one key mistake in etiquette.  Let's say you email a professor--especially one you do not know well--to ask for a significant favor (e.g., to join your dissertation committee or to be your formal mentor).  And let's say that the professor politely declines.  Do not fail to respond to the professor's email.  Just a short reply is appropriate: something like, "Dear Professor, thanks for considering my request.  I'm disappointed, of course, but I completely understand."  If you fail to do that, you hurt your chances for a positive response to your next request for a favor.

I've seen too many grad students make this mistake!  And it's a mistake that's so simple to avoid.

Dear Professor Working,

Thank you for the advice. I'm disappointed, of course, but I completely understand.

Sincerely,
VirAlterationis.

:-)

Nice try, Vir, but now you've violated the sensibilities of faculty who find emoticons unprofessional and obnoxious and who can't believe anyone would ever make that fatal mistake.
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viralterationis
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« Reply #19 on: November 19, 2012, 5:12:22 PM »

Nice try, Vir, but now you've violated the sensibilities of faculty who find emoticons unprofessional and obnoxious and who can't believe anyone would ever make that fatal mistake.

Shoot! This would never have happened if I'd attended the University of Phoenix! >:-(
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mystictechgal
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One step at a time


« Reply #20 on: November 20, 2012, 4:39:15 AM »

Nice try, Vir, but now you've violated the sensibilities of faculty who find emoticons unprofessional and obnoxious and who can't believe anyone would ever make that fatal mistake.

Shoot! This would never have happened if I'd attended the University of Phoenix! >:-(

No. Really. There are people on here that really, truly, hate emoticons. Lasquires is not kidding.
<insert emoticon here>
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tenured_feminist
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« Reply #21 on: November 20, 2012, 8:05:58 AM »

I just rejected 130 people who applied for a job. If I get 130 emails, I will seriously open a vein.

Honestly, I don't have the time, energy, or interest even to keep track of who thanks me for moving heaven and earth to help her/him. And I don't particularly care. I don't do favors for people because I care about getting thanked, and I would find it quite silly to be getting notes back from people for whom I didn't do something.

My etiquette advice is that Sheepdog is in the minority here, and you're more likely to get a raised eyebrow if you send a note than if you don't. But do not sweat it either way. 90% of us don't give a rat's patootie.
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merinoblue
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« Reply #22 on: November 20, 2012, 8:23:57 AM »

I just rejected 130 people who applied for a job. If I get 130 emails, I will seriously open a vein.

Honestly, I don't have the time, energy, or interest even to keep track of who thanks me for moving heaven and earth to help her/him. And I don't particularly care. I don't do favors for people because I care about getting thanked, and I would find it quite silly to be getting notes back from people for whom I didn't do something.

My etiquette advice is that Sheepdog is in the minority here, and you're more likely to get a raised eyebrow if you send a note than if you don't. But do not sweat it either way. 90% of us don't give a rat's patootie.

Dear TF,

Thank you very much for your prompt rejection of my application.  I was quite touched by your thoughtfulness in sending it out only 30 minutes after my application was received, as this quite clearly communicated to me that I am not wanted by your department under any circumstances.  Such clarity from a member of a search committee is, as you know, rare and to be cherished.  I can only hope that other search committees might emulate your efficiency and certainty in rejecting me so unambiguously and promptly.

Best regards,
MerinoBlue
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tenured_feminist
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« Reply #23 on: November 20, 2012, 8:26:35 AM »

Just remember, if I open a vein, the next committee will be chaired by Bob, who never responds to any emails from anyone but his collaborators, and can't be bothered by petty things like updating applicants on the status of the search!
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Quote
You people are not fooling me. I know exactly what occurred in that thread, and I know exactly what you all are doing.
merinoblue
That's not screaming; that's rock and roll
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« Reply #24 on: November 20, 2012, 8:30:20 AM »

Oh, wait!  Wrong salutation.  What was I thinking?

Dear Dr. TF,

I apologize for my last email message, in which I inadvertently omitted "Dr." from your name....
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Defender of whimsy
Sangria knows no borders.
tenured_feminist
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« Reply #25 on: November 20, 2012, 8:33:32 AM »

<collapses on floor in a puddle of blood>
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Quote
You people are not fooling me. I know exactly what occurred in that thread, and I know exactly what you all are doing.
frogfactory
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« Reply #26 on: November 20, 2012, 8:50:54 AM »

I just got a rejection email for the job I didn't really want but would have felt guilty about not taking.  I was quite tempted to email back:

Dear Dr X,

No worries -already been offered a much better job.

BOOYAH

xoxo

Froggy
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
grasshopper
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Grade Despot


« Reply #27 on: November 20, 2012, 8:54:39 AM »

Nice try, Vir, but now you've violated the sensibilities of faculty who find emoticons unprofessional and obnoxious and who can't believe anyone would ever make that fatal mistake.

Shoot! This would never have happened if I'd attended the University of Phoenix! >:-(

No. Really. There are people on here that really, truly, hate emoticons. Lasquires is not kidding.
<insert emoticon here>

I effing hate emoticons.
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frogfactory
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« Reply #28 on: November 20, 2012, 9:02:00 AM »

Nice try, Vir, but now you've violated the sensibilities of faculty who find emoticons unprofessional and obnoxious and who can't believe anyone would ever make that fatal mistake.

Shoot! This would never have happened if I'd attended the University of Phoenix! >:-(

No. Really. There are people on here that really, truly, hate emoticons. Lasquires is not kidding.
<insert emoticon here>

I effing hate emoticons.

I hate excessive emoticons, but I think they have a place in conveying tone in casual text based communication, which can otherwise be badly miscontrued.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
usukprof
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.


« Reply #29 on: November 20, 2012, 9:10:38 AM »

Oh, wait!  Wrong salutation.  What was I thinking?

Dear Dr. TF,

I apologize for my last email message, in which I inadvertently omitted "Dr." from your name....

Dear Prof. Dr. TF,

I apologise for not first checking to see if you were from the German academy, in which case I also apologies for my last salutation.

In case you are not from the German academy, I apologise for this salutation, and am truly sorry for wasting your time with this email.

Please reply with your preferred salutation so that I can improve and be a better person in the future when communicating with you.

Respectfully yours,
Stu Dent

P.S. If you are from the subcontinent, I again apologise for not including "Respected" in the salutation.  Please advise.


Humbly
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