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Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club  (Read 5916414 times)
epistephiliac
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« Reply #49740 on: December 22, 2012, 5:23:46 pm »

I got a message from a guy on OKC this morning. He seems somewhat interesting, but there are two things that are really putting me off:
1) In the "What are you looking for?" section, he says he's only looking for friends. Everywhere else, he is a little heavier on the sexxxy-talk than I'm keen on. My overall impression is that he's just looking to find someone to "hang out with" for a while, and I am so not into that.
2) As his "most private think I'm willing to admit" he writes: "I like smart women who aren't rabid feminists." The fact that I was immediately pissed off upon reading that probably means I'd qualify as the latter, huh?

Anyway, I've got a bunch of stupid health issues and am overloaded with work, so not really in any position to be dating. Still, it would be nice to have some realistic prospects, or at least someone to daydream about over the holidays.
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When asked about my research interests, I quote Kelly Kapoor: "Basically, everything that is awesome."
tinyzombie
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« Reply #49741 on: December 22, 2012, 5:29:48 pm »

I bet you $100 he usually says "feminazi." Blergh.

I think the cute guy from the party might be a no go - i suggested drinks, but he didn't seem to take the bait. Whatever happens in my love life, I can't be the driver right now. It's my turn to be pursued.

CWren, I am much more comfortable with real life encounters than OKC ones. I would love to delete my profile entirely, but I'm superstitious.

Actor Guy (the one I met while wearing the holey jeans) wants to get together. I don't know when I'll be in town for it, but it's nice that he's in the driver's seat. There's another dude I don't want to date who wants to get together. And after my panic attack ruining my party evening last night, I am going to rally for tonight. I may go on the town with my gay best friend. We are both looking.
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canyonwren3
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« Reply #49742 on: December 23, 2012, 1:17:41 pm »

I have been advised several times now by guys on Match that "never married" is huge red flag for someone my age (on top of the career & education factor), and since I was shacked up with someone for so long I should check off "divorced".  Old profile mentioned that I'd been in a very long ltr, but still had "never married" checked off. 

I hate profiles that say "56" and then somewhere in the profile admits that they are >60 but young at heart.  I know Pry would disagree with me on the exact age factor, but I wonder what LHC veterans think about the never married/divorced thing? 

Wren
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prytania3
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« Reply #49743 on: December 23, 2012, 1:24:39 pm »

I have been advised several times now by guys on Match that "never married" is huge red flag for someone my age (on top of the career & education factor), and since I was shacked up with someone for so long I should check off "divorced".  Old profile mentioned that I'd been in a very long ltr, but still had "never married" checked off. 

I hate profiles that say "56" and then somewhere in the profile admits that they are >60 but young at heart.  I know Pry would disagree with me on the exact age factor, but I wonder what LHC veterans think about the never married/divorced thing? 

Wren


Hedgepig put divorced on his profile, and he's never been near an altar in his life. Of course, he also checks the box that says "athletic and toned." He is neither. He is not a little overweight-he is fat. Now I go for fat, but it's not everyone's cup  of tea.

Epi, I'd give your Match dude a change. I think when he says "rabid feminist," he means bra-burning, man-hating, angry, hairy-legged chick. I can understand why you bristled, but I'd overlook it unless I had more to pin on him.
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I'm not a narcissist. I'm just angry and violent.
democritus
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« Reply #49744 on: December 23, 2012, 1:44:01 pm »

Epi, I'd give your Match dude a change. I think when he says "rabid feminist," he means bra-burning, man-hating, angry, hairy-legged chick. I can understand why you bristled, but I'd overlook it unless I had more to pin on him.

Unsurprisingly, I take the opposite tack. IME, anyone who claims that he has issues with "rabid feminists" is someone to completely avoid, since he likely has serious issues with any woman who isn't a complete doormat. Of course, I'm currently married to a bra-burning, man-hating, angry, hairy-legged chick (all of which I love her for and think that cliche about feminists is utterly idiotic), so my perspective might be a little different to some.
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frogfactory
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« Reply #49745 on: December 23, 2012, 2:09:13 pm »

Epi, I'd give your Match dude a change. I think when he says "rabid feminist," he means bra-burning, man-hating, angry, hairy-legged chick. I can understand why you bristled, but I'd overlook it unless I had more to pin on him.

Unsurprisingly, I take the opposite tack. IME, anyone who claims that he has issues with "rabid feminists" is someone to completely avoid, since he likely has serious issues with any woman who isn't a complete doormat. Of course, I'm currently married to a bra-burning, man-hating, angry, hairy-legged chick (all of which I love her for and think that cliche about feminists is utterly idiotic), so my perspective might be a little different to some.

I agree.  The fact that he felt the need to include this in his profile is a huge red flag.  I would further hazard a guess that the statement refers to a specific person who rejected him and/or called him on this nonsense.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
spork
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« Reply #49746 on: December 23, 2012, 2:12:07 pm »

LL13, don't get excited about people you've never met.

CW3, I can't remember if you are male or female, but given the circles that many academics run in and the types of people they often are interested in, "never married" is not as much of a red flag as it is for a 35 year old guy who works at the corner gas station and still lives with his mother. If there's a box that says LTR for previous relationship experience and it's checked, you're probably fine. Also it's something you can mention briefly in your profile.

Everyone else: it's a fine line between not screening online contacts rigorously enough and screening them too rigorously. I bet that in general, straight women err on the latter side while straight men err on the former, at least on site like Match. It's like applying for jobs -- do you use the shotgun approach and hope something sticks, or do you target a specific market? It's easy to get frustrated.

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a.k.a. gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket

"There are no bad ideas, only great ideas that go horribly wrong."

"Please do not force people who are exhausted to take medication for hallucinations." -- Memo from the Chair, Department of White Privilege Studies, Fiork University
epistephiliac
Could serve monkey ass and empty clam shells and still win
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The day needs my saving expertise


« Reply #49747 on: December 23, 2012, 3:04:22 pm »

For me, it's a combination of including that line in his profile, and the various indicators that he's not looking for a relationship, that tell me we'd be a bad match. Both because we're looking for different things, and I get the feeling he has a certain kind of woman in mind, and I ain't it. I've been told before that I'm "too masculine" by dates who want someone who will smile and nod and agree with them on everything. Now, for anyone who knows me, the idea of me as "masculine" is hilarious: I skew pretty damned girly on most metrics, motorcycles and sciencey stuff notwithstanding.

But I am most definitely a feminist, and will argue with anyone who thinks that's a bad thing (for men or women), so someone who feels the need to state upfront that they don't want that even in their casual relationships is not someone I feel any great need to get to know better.
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When asked about my research interests, I quote Kelly Kapoor: "Basically, everything that is awesome."
spork
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« Reply #49748 on: December 23, 2012, 5:11:24 pm »

Screen him out. He's not meeting several of your basic criteria. Not worth your time.
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a.k.a. gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket

"There are no bad ideas, only great ideas that go horribly wrong."

"Please do not force people who are exhausted to take medication for hallucinations." -- Memo from the Chair, Department of White Privilege Studies, Fiork University
literarylioness13
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« Reply #49749 on: December 23, 2012, 9:53:14 pm »

Quote
LL13, don't get excited about people you've never met.

I don't. That's why these guys get upset. The economist I found interesting wanted to know how I "felt" about him. How can I "feel" anything about a guy I haven't met yet? It immediately turned me off.

I'm just getting tired of these guys who want to glob onto me. Are they that desperate?
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grasshopper
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« Reply #49750 on: December 24, 2012, 7:03:24 am »

I've been told before that I'm "too masculine" by dates who want someone who will smile and nod and agree with them on everything. Now, for anyone who knows me, the idea of me as "masculine" is hilarious: I skew pretty damned girly on most metrics, motorcycles and sciencey stuff notwithstanding.
I have a really difficult time imagining anyone calling you too masculine. That's pretty off the wall.
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spork
If you are reading this, I am naked.
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« Reply #49751 on: December 24, 2012, 7:19:57 am »

I've been told before that I'm "too masculine" by dates who want someone who will smile and nod and agree with them on everything. Now, for anyone who knows me, the idea of me as "masculine" is hilarious: I skew pretty damned girly on most metrics, motorcycles and sciencey stuff notwithstanding.
I have a really difficult time imagining anyone calling you too masculine. That's pretty off the wall.

It's probably code for "I thought you were going to be a lot less independent."
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a.k.a. gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket

"There are no bad ideas, only great ideas that go horribly wrong."

"Please do not force people who are exhausted to take medication for hallucinations." -- Memo from the Chair, Department of White Privilege Studies, Fiork University
canyonwren3
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« Reply #49752 on: December 24, 2012, 11:28:13 am »

So, is "I'm in a men's group" and "we've been talking alot about restoring the good parts of gender polarity" thrown into end of first phone conversation  code for something similar?
wren
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frogfactory
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« Reply #49753 on: December 24, 2012, 11:29:16 am »

So, is "I'm in a men's group" and "we've been talking alot about restoring the good parts of gender polarity" thrown into end of first phone conversation  code for something similar?
wren

Don't date in Stepford.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
tinyzombie
She of the Badass Abs, and a
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Posts: 16,751

elevate from this point on - chuck d


« Reply #49754 on: December 24, 2012, 11:30:41 am »

So, is "I'm in a men's group" and "we've been talking alot about restoring the good parts of gender polarity" thrown into end of first phone conversation  code for something similar?
wren

My skin crawled just reading those words.

I don't know when I am going to go out with my men. I feel guilty doing it when I head home this week, because instill feel guilty about heading home at all. I also feel weird about mentioning my situation, but also weird about not.
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Quote from: usukprof
I think we have three of them, but the smallest one seems to be the leader.
Quote from: dolljepopp
Who needs real life when Sandra Bullock is around?
Quote from: systeme_d_
You are all my people, and I love you.
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