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Author Topic: "favorite" student e-mails  (Read 4683297 times)
zuzu_
Frakking
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« Reply #21045 on: December 05, 2012, 5:46:45 pm »

MissEmily, that is one spectacular email. I do hope you are receiving much pleasure over the entertainment value it has provided, and I do hope this pleasure outweighs the anger. This is truly an email to file away and share with other professors for years to come. It will keep on giving.

reener, your student is hilarious as well. The tone of the email reads like some kind of spy or government operative. And I love the snafu with the police department being unable to access the report.
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marigolds
looks far too young to be a
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i had fun once and it was awful


« Reply #21046 on: December 05, 2012, 5:50:09 pm »

From a student who has missed three quarters of the semester:

"im sorry dr what do you need for me to do i need to able to make the b- or i will be dismissed from [redacted] i dont want it come that my abscences are not because i dont care this is my priority right nkw what do i need to do?"

I'm at a loss.

Whoa nelly.

There is nothing the student can do, nor you. I had a similar (though more comprehensible) one yesterday.
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They are our servants.  They are like dogs.  Sometimes, they think they remember being wolves, but they are only dreaming.
proftowanda
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Posts: 7,923

"Righter of wrongs, queen beyond compare."


« Reply #21047 on: December 05, 2012, 5:52:24 pm »

From a student who has missed three quarters of the semester:

"im sorry dr what do you need for me to do i need to able to make the b- or i will be dismissed from [redacted] i dont want it come that my abscences are not because i dont care this is my priority right nkw what do i need to do?"

I'm at a loss.

For starters, what the student needs to do is capitalize, punctuate, and stop writing run-on sentences.

Seriously:  I also have these ghost students surfacing now. -- students who have missed major tests, students who have done no work for weeks, months. . . .

The only response I can write is that "right now" is too late to set priorities, much less to achieve them, and to focus on the rest of their classes.  After all, all A's in those classes would compensate for below a B- in ours.

(Yes, we know that rarely do such students not have problems in other classes, but those other classes are the students' concern, not ours.   Our concern is our classes -- and maintaining the integrity of the grades for our sake as well as that of the other students who have worked hard, all semester, to earn B- or better.)

I thank the fora for the advice to put on my syllabi that grades are not negotiable for reasons such as grades in other classes (i.e., "I need a x to stay in school/stay off probation/graduate"), eligibility for financial aid or athletics or the aspiring-astronaut program, i.e., anything other than performance of coursework, as scheduled.
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"Face it, girls.  I'm older, and I have more insurance."     -- Towanda!
lasquires
Hopelessly Abject
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Awaiting the zombie apocalypse.


« Reply #21048 on: December 05, 2012, 6:02:18 pm »

The first line of my response was that it was in no way my responsibility to ensure that he stays here, that my responsibility was to make sure he had learned the material, which he hasn't because he hasn't been to class.
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proftowanda
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 7,923

"Righter of wrongs, queen beyond compare."


« Reply #21049 on: December 05, 2012, 6:11:44 pm »

The first line of my response was that it was in no way my responsibility to ensure that he stays here, that my responsibility was to make sure he had learned the material, which he hasn't because he hasn't been to class.

Good.  (Although a response like that once brought a reply from a student that he was prepared to take the tests missed -- to prove mastery of the material.)
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"Face it, girls.  I'm older, and I have more insurance."     -- Towanda!
melba_frilkins
Doing laundry.
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« Reply #21050 on: December 05, 2012, 6:36:46 pm »

I love Reener's student. The student knows that dead grandmothers are passť. But a grandmother's stolen car? So modern, so edgy!
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reener06
Just another
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« Reply #21051 on: December 05, 2012, 6:49:49 pm »

reener, your student is hilarious as well. The tone of the email reads like some kind of spy or government operative. And I love the snafu with the police department being unable to access the report.

Thank you! I couldn't figure out what it reminded me of. The whole "communication over until later" tone is so strange. Plus, I'm on some meds from the car accident, so have read these emails many, many times and they still made no sense and sounded so odd. Although I like Melba's take on it--edgy. I could at least speak to this grandmother. I forgot to add that last night I graded a small extra credit assignment about what type of social organization one would want to live in. This same student's answer started out fine, but devolved into how he drinks in the park a lot and how the police are always "hassling" him about that, and how he got a drunk in public citation as a result. That family must really be something.

But I do admit, and meant to say, Miss Emily's student really takes the cake and probably should be HOF'd.
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proftowanda
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 7,923

"Righter of wrongs, queen beyond compare."


« Reply #21052 on: December 05, 2012, 6:57:57 pm »

I love Reener's student. The student knows that dead grandmothers are passť. But a grandmother's stolen car? So modern, so edgy!

"Edgy" only if grandma had an edgy sports car. 

Otherwise, "edgy" requires a biker grandma getting her Harley stolen, while grandma was in a biker bar. 

But in the spirit of the season, I would accept "edgy" if grandma got run over by a reindeer.

(On edit:  I also am enjoying the saga as it unwinds, with police departments that don't have access to their police reports, etc., or perhaps that refusal applies only to members of families with an excess of requests for police reports.  Do keep us posted.)
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"Face it, girls.  I'm older, and I have more insurance."     -- Towanda!
slinger
Quite Un-
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Posts: 2,784


« Reply #21053 on: December 05, 2012, 7:01:02 pm »

msemily's student takes the cake.

But in case anyone is wondering about Lazy Lou from yesterday, I got this response at noon yesterday, and then his paper appeared in the dropbox at around 2.


Well thanks I thought i did in fact need a good grade on it but i obviously di the math wrong. Thanks Lou



Yeah, obviously.
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Several threads on the fora could be solved by just Being A Damn Grownup.
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canuckois
Thrower of Insults, Smearer of Characters, and a
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Posts: 2,996


« Reply #21054 on: December 05, 2012, 7:15:38 pm »

Sigh.  In its entirety....

Quote
Where is your mailbox at?

Sent from my iPhone
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Your opinions are welcome, of course, unless they suck, in which case the Fora will reward you with snark, if all goes well.
theblondeassassin
Rootin' Tootin' Invigilatin'
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Posts: 9,365


« Reply #21055 on: December 05, 2012, 7:23:46 pm »

Sigh.  In its entirety....

Quote
Where is your mailbox at?

Sent from my iPhone

@
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My hovercraft is full of eels, so I don't suppose snails in a fish tank is so very strange.
missemily
Senior member
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Posts: 851


« Reply #21056 on: December 05, 2012, 8:07:24 pm »

MissEmily, that is one spectacular email. I do hope you are receiving much pleasure over the entertainment value it has provided, and I do hope this pleasure outweighs the anger. This is truly an email to file away and share with other professors for years to come. It will keep on giving.

Thanks again to all of you for your responses to my student's message. Oddly enough, I have not felt angry about it. I am still pondering my response, and I appreciate all the suggestions. My impulse today has been to write a simple "Thank you for letting me know why you did not turn in the paper" response. However, someone has suggested (similar to what has been suggested here) that I explain to the student what makes the assignment more complex than he thought and tell him how other students have used it as a prompt to write well-crafted, sophisticated arguments. I'm not sure that I want to put that kind of time into it. I am grading papers, writing final exams, figuring what grades I can figure -- in short, doing work for students who themselves have done a good bit of work.

What I don't want to do is put this student down or try to put him in his place (yes, I know that he deserves it and is asking for it). That will come to him soon enough, assuming he continues in this way. But it doesn't have to come from me.

Yes, this is one of those messages I will save, along with the others. My favorite (which may be displaced by this new one) is a heartfelt, indignant paragraph or so from a student asserting that he should not have to read drivel by such writers as Adrienne Rich or Jane Austen.
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miss_jane_marple
Self-identified staunchly dowdy
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 1,109

I prefer the chocolates


« Reply #21057 on: December 05, 2012, 10:43:55 pm »

"Thank you for letting me know why you did not turn in the paper"

I think this is great, with the addition of "and it's good that you realize you will receive a zero."

I would say more, but I am having a terrible attack of the vapors over some whiny nitwit calling Jane Austen's work drivel. Please, excuse me. <fanning self furiously>
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I'm not sure about this one, but I wouldn't be willing to bet against MJM.
octoprof
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Posts: 49,491

Love your loved ones while you can.


WWW
« Reply #21058 on: December 05, 2012, 11:11:34 pm »

I would say more, but I am having a terrible attack of the vapors over some whiny nitwit calling Jane Austen's work drivel. Please, excuse me. <fanning self furiously>

<runs for the smelling salts>
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Love your neighbor.

Your new cephaloverlord.
ALL HAIL TO THE OCTO!!!

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citrine
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Beware the Annoying Bad Luck Snail


« Reply #21059 on: December 05, 2012, 11:23:28 pm »

Even though I now have enough teaching experience to no longer take such emails personally, I am still mystified as to why students send me emails explaining that they did not turn in major assignments for my course because they had "obligations in other courses" that were more important to them.

I totally understand that students, like anyone else, have to prioritize, but why do they think telling me "I haven't bothered to write that paper worth 20% of my grade because I had to do work for my four other classes that I felt was more important!" will make me feel like being lenient about accepting late work from them? (It doesn't, so what they get in reply is a re-iteration of the late work policies that are in the syllabus and a suggestion that they attend one of the learning center's many workshops on how to manage your time and plan out your academic obligations.)
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