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Author Topic: Living Apart - support thread?  (Read 344639 times)
ejb_123
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Posts: 180


« Reply #345 on: March 06, 2012, 4:58:39 PM »

In my 20s I wasn't worried about the future, but in my 30s I'm now finding it much more important to have a plan for how we'll end up in the same place again.
I know how you feel. I'm in my mid-30s, my American girlfriend is in Germany, and I'm stuck in a sleepy Catholic town (and I'm an atheist!) in the middle of the Great Plains. Some days I really hate my life.
« Last Edit: March 06, 2012, 5:00:34 PM by ejb_123 » Logged
southerntransplant
A man on a porcupine fence and a
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Posts: 11,105

No recess.


« Reply #346 on: March 20, 2012, 5:27:07 AM »

I spent the last half of Spring Break at the Undisclosed Location with STpouse and our two dogs. For the first day there the Grandtransplantlets and their parents were there too. It was a pretty cramped but fun time.

The day before I left, we put up some plastic netting through a thicket bordering one side of STpouse's yard, thus closing off the final bit of unguarded perimeter. That finished, she asked me if I would entertain the idea of keeping Catahoula Mix there. I was hesitant at first but Catahoula Mix is so much happier there with Southern Dane than just here with me that I went ahead and agreed to "see how it goes." As I've mentioned elsewhere, Catahoula Mix brings out Southern Dane's sense of fun, and Southern Dane keeps Catahoula Mix in line. Seeing them walk on a beach together is a real joy.

So now it's just me for awhile.

I'd keep them both here, but STpouse would have to make two consecutive trips here and back to get them, because I can't put both dogs in the cab of my pickup for trips longer than anywhere in Swelterville. (Also, since I'm not Mitt Romney, all dogs ride inside.)
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"...And on the other side of this wall is a whole 'nother studio that you'll never get to see...because, you know, fvck you guys."

Steve Albini, showing Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters around his studio
compdoc
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Posts: 2,420


« Reply #347 on: March 20, 2012, 3:12:03 PM »

I will no longer be camping in the Living Apart thread. Instead, you can probably catch me daily on the Reducing Clutter thread.

Yes, mycompguy and I are (mostly) living in the same town. Whoo hoo!
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heynonnynonnymouse
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Posts: 1,184


« Reply #348 on: March 21, 2012, 5:05:01 PM »

Congrats on escaping, compdoc!

I have to say that right now I'm kind of enjoying Living Apart, because I am so much currently under the gun on deadlines that I would probably end up taking out my stress on HNNMoose if he was here 24/7.
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westcoastgirl
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Posts: 2,380


« Reply #349 on: March 25, 2012, 11:51:21 AM »

I have an 18 month reprieve from living apart. I fly out to the Pacific Northwest where my husband works. Our son went with him this round. We all drove back to our town together.
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Quote from: cgfunmathguy
We're just cyborgs standing in the way of their dreams.
compdoc
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 2,420


« Reply #350 on: March 26, 2012, 10:45:18 PM »

whoo hoo, westcoastgirl! That's great.
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greyscale
Monochromatic
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Posts: 3,375


« Reply #351 on: April 01, 2012, 4:58:11 PM »

I just got back from an amazing vacation with my SO. We both really enjoyed it but we feel more distant from each other than we used to, even when we're together.

While on vacation, I learned that my postdoc advisor is (as feared) leaving the university quite soon, so I'm probably looking for a second postdoc. I feel like I should find something in SO's city, but none of the research groups there are inspiring me, and scientifically, I'd rather stay here or move back to our previous city (where there are a few different labs working on things that excite me). It depends on who can fund me, also, so we'll see where the chips fall. This wasn't part of the plan...
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southerntransplant
A man on a porcupine fence and a
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Posts: 11,105

No recess.


« Reply #352 on: April 09, 2012, 8:08:01 AM »

I went to visit STpouse with the rest of the family in the Undisclosed Location. It was an odd visit. STpouse spent a lot of her money on Easter stuff for the Grandtransplantlets - to the extent that she couldn't cover her half of a shared monthly payment. That is really not good, since, with these present conditions, I can't cover what I need to cover unless she does her share. Hopefully my travel reimbursement will arrive in sufficient time to help with this, or maybe I can put some of my guitars on Craigslist (something I'd been mulling over anyway, since I've been playing my acoustic solely). This made me unduly upset. I realize things come up, and so on, but my stuff gets covered. If she weren't sharing this payment with me, she'd be dealing with an institution that charges fees. I'm not saying that I'd be doing the same, but I'm saying that doting on the grandkids isn't a sufficient excuse to miss this obligation. I love them too, but I'm sorry.

Not to mention that I spent $100 on a visit to the zoo for everyone, which I wouldn't have done had I known I would come back without a check.

She also gave me back Catahoula Mix - or, more accurately, banished her from her place. Catahoula Mix is an escape artist and likes to dig holes, so she's back with me now. This is fine, but I wonder if I should even bring her with me the next time I go visit.

So, while I've not expressed myself angrily or anything, I am a bit put out by the whole visit. I know that I'm stupid, but I'll also say that I'm not looking forward to her visit here next weekend as I probably ought to be.

Gah. I need to grow up, I think.
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"...And on the other side of this wall is a whole 'nother studio that you'll never get to see...because, you know, fvck you guys."

Steve Albini, showing Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters around his studio
molli_sols
Senior member
****
Posts: 537


« Reply #353 on: April 10, 2012, 5:09:02 PM »

A living apart related vent...

Andi and I are expecting our second child in August.  Luckily we will be living together for the summer and a few weeks after delivery.  Plus he's taking paternity leave and will be with us 5+ days a week in the fall semester (and I won't be driving to his place on weekends).  Plus he will either be on a part time leave of absence for writing his dissertation in the spring (which is likely going to be covered by a scholarship).  So I do have almost a year or nearly living together again to look forward to.  This is a huge positive for Mini_Molli that's helping take away some of her anxiety about sharing her life with a sibling. 

Here's the vent part...  My midwife is in Andi's town two hours away.  This made sense when we picked her because during my first pregnancy (granted I was not advanced maternal age then and it was 7 years ago) I only had 6 appointments before the third trimester (including ultrasounds) but then I had 15 in the third trimester.  But now I have 3-4 appointments a month between the midwife who will actually do the delivery, the physician that is overseeing, the lab that pokes me full of holes, and the monthly ultrasounds.  They are of course all in different parts of the hospital with different scheduling so I can't seem to get them all on the same day or even two consecutive days.  I am exhausted just from all the driving back and forth.  Nest week I have to be there on both Monday and Friday and I have evening work events on both Tuesday and Thursday not to mention research and teaching going on.  Andi's father is going to be in town this weekend so we wanted to go visit so Mini gets to miss school Monday but I have to get a sitter for her on Friday.  This is one of those days that quitting my job and being a housewife in Andi's town (with its public transportation, excellent schools, and cultural diversity) seems so tempting.
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southerntransplant
A man on a porcupine fence and a
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 11,105

No recess.


« Reply #354 on: April 11, 2012, 9:02:01 PM »

...I can put some of my guitars on Craigslist (something I'd been mulling over anyway, since I've been playing my acoustic solely).

Done.

Anybody want to buy a Fender Stratocaster? Good shape, lightly gigged, could use a setup. Super cheap.

Turns out STpouse is sick with whatever bug the Grandtransplantlets had and she won't be here this weekend. Maybe I'll go for a bike ride, or a hike with Catahoula Mix. Something low-or-no cost.
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"...And on the other side of this wall is a whole 'nother studio that you'll never get to see...because, you know, fvck you guys."

Steve Albini, showing Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters around his studio
zengazenga
Getting a Ph.D. in being awesome.
Junior member
**
Posts: 69

But my diploma will say "Ph.D. in social science"


« Reply #355 on: April 11, 2012, 9:26:39 PM »

I just received an offer for the greatest postdoc opportunity I could have imagined!

And it looks like my partner won't be able to come. We will be 650 miles apart.

I'm supposed to be celebrating my luck but can't shake the feeling of dread.
« Last Edit: April 11, 2012, 9:27:13 PM by zengazenga » Logged
greyscale
Monochromatic
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 3,375


« Reply #356 on: April 12, 2012, 1:52:03 AM »

Congratulations, zengazenga. Your italics make me smile even if the situation is sad. Best postdoc e-var!

How long is the postdoc for? Open-ended or not?
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zengazenga
Getting a Ph.D. in being awesome.
Junior member
**
Posts: 69

But my diploma will say "Ph.D. in social science"


« Reply #357 on: April 12, 2012, 11:36:03 AM »

Definitely, it is the best postdoc!

It's one of those serendipitous chances where the scholar I based so much of my dissertation on (whom I've never met and whom I've been trying to meet and figure out a way to work with) is moving to the university I will be at in the Fall! (I found this out during the phone interview and almost fell out of my chair). And more than that, he'll be part of the very program I'll be in, so it's some possible out-of-this-world mentorship.

The postdoc is for 2 years. My partner needs to stay where we are. He'll be teaching two courses in the Fall in order to save up for his fieldwork abroad in the Spring. The courses pay about $12,000 together and have benefits. We don't think we can find something that will pay him as well on such short notice, but we'll try. (Any advice on how to try is appreciated!)

I think we can be together for the second year (his dissertation writing year) if we can find an adjunctship or two at my new university, or if he lands a nice diss writing fellowship. We thought I might be able to support both of us, but my student loan payments are preventing that.

P.S. What does "open-ended" mean?


« Last Edit: April 12, 2012, 11:39:17 AM by zengazenga » Logged
greyscale
Monochromatic
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 3,375


« Reply #358 on: April 12, 2012, 5:30:16 PM »

I just meant open-ended as in no defined end date. In my field postdocs can stretch on for years and years (I'm 3.5 years in and still have a ways to go).

Good luck finding a way for him to join you there next year or sooner. It sounds like a real possibility.
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molli_sols
Senior member
****
Posts: 537


« Reply #359 on: May 01, 2012, 10:54:09 AM »

Summer is coming!   After Mini gets out of school in June we're going to move to Andi's house for 10 whole weeks.  When Mini and I go back to school in the fall Andi is moving to my house for the semester (although he'll have to do a weekly overnight away to work 2 days a week in his office).  I simultaneously can't wait and I'm anxious about how difficult it's going to be to be in each other's space all the time.  Mini is over the moon and I think it's going to be great for her. 

Does anyone else have temporary togetherness planned for the summer? 
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