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Author Topic: Lonely Hearts Club  (Read 5560224 times)
frogfactory
Totally Metal
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Posts: 10,600


« Reply #41445 on: March 28, 2011, 11:26:21 PM »

Math - "fairly attractive" and "reasonably intelligent"?

If this relationship ever does catch fire with this woman, please set fire to *that* post and bury it.  And deny all knowledge.  I would skin any man, *any* man I found myself in a relationship with if I discovered I'd been described in such a manner.

Obviously you need to get over your dating anxiety, but you don't need to be convincing yourself dating manatees is just part of the process (or, generally, women you don't feel attracted to).

Excuse all the terminal conjunctions there.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
wet_blanket
Some kind of
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Posts: 7,025


« Reply #41446 on: March 29, 2011, 12:48:27 AM »

Mathguy, it is truly impressive that you can be lukewarm about a person AND consider her out of your league.

I'm considering making a spreadsheet.  I thought "spreadsheet dating" was merely an illustrative term, but the advantages are becoming apparent.
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Let us let wet_blanket have the last word.
prytania3
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Posts: 44,063

Prytania, the Foracle


« Reply #41447 on: March 29, 2011, 12:49:56 AM »

Mathguy, it is truly impressive that you can be lukewarm about a person AND consider her out of your league.

I'm considering making a spreadsheet.  I thought "spreadsheet dating" was merely an illustrative term, but the advantages are becoming apparent.

Wet Blanket will find success. The spreadsheet is the way...
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I'm not a narcissist. I'm just angry and violent.
wet_blanket
Some kind of
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Posts: 7,025


« Reply #41448 on: March 29, 2011, 12:54:12 AM »

Wet Blanket will find success. The spreadsheet is the way...

And I've found my next tagline, if that's OK Pry?

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prytania3
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 44,063

Prytania, the Foracle


« Reply #41449 on: March 29, 2011, 12:55:21 AM »

Wet Blanket will find success. The spreadsheet is the way...

And I've found my next tagline, if that's OK Pry?



Oh, I'm totally flattered. Be my guest.
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cgfunmathguy
Beer-brewing
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Posts: 7,789


« Reply #41450 on: March 29, 2011, 7:28:29 AM »

Mathguy, it is truly impressive that you can be lukewarm about a person AND consider her out of your league.
I don't know that either one of these descriptors is true. I really like this woman, and I do want to continue seeing her. Is she out of my league? In some ways, yes. In other ways, no. We have only had two dates/meetings, and thus, it's hard to determine whether either of us is "out of our league". I'm more afraid that we'll find out that our desires/goals/whatever for the relationship aren't even close. I'm tired of being alone ALL. THE. TIME. As Froggy puts it, my anxiety about dating is really setting the stage for self-sabotage. I just don't know how to stop it.

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Alas, greatness and meaning are rarely coterminous with popular familiarity.
pink_
Empress &
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« Reply #41451 on: March 29, 2011, 10:58:44 AM »

Mathguy,
IMHO, you need to lower the stakes here.  Sounds to me like you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  Go out with her.  Have a good time.  But take it for what it is: just going out to have a good time.  At this stage, that should be enough. It doesn't have to be the beginning of a lifelong commitment (though it doesn't have to *not* be that either).  Just take it easy and see what happens.  If nothing else, maybe you have a couple nice evenings.  Maybe more.
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prytania3
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 44,063

Prytania, the Foracle


« Reply #41452 on: March 29, 2011, 11:19:20 AM »

So Pink, how are you and the Academic doing? We need a news update.
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I'm not a narcissist. I'm just angry and violent.
concordancia
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 13,889


« Reply #41453 on: March 29, 2011, 12:15:14 PM »

Mathguy,
IMHO, you need to lower the stakes here.  Sounds to me like you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  Go out with her.  Have a good time.  But take it for what it is: just going out to have a good time.  At this stage, that should be enough. It doesn't have to be the beginning of a lifelong commitment (though it doesn't have to *not* be that either).  Just take it easy and see what happens.  If nothing else, maybe you have a couple nice evenings.  Maybe more.

In the "easier said than done category," even though you are lonely, even though you would like to be in a relationship, it is ideal to approach each person to see what they are about, and then analyze the compatibility, rather than stressing over compatibility for date number three. She may not be The One, but that doesn't mean you couldn't learn something from her over the next few weeks/months.
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I like money.  I like to buy stuff and experiences with money.  
pink_
Empress &
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Posts: 6,922


« Reply #41454 on: March 29, 2011, 3:20:59 PM »

So Pink, how are you and the Academic doing? We need a news update.

We're doing well.  This semester is a challenge since we have completely opposite teaching schedules, and we both go up for tenure in the fall, so we don't get to spend a ton of time together right now, but the semester will be over soon enough.  I'm looking forward to the summer--I think we both are.

Thanks for asking Pry :)
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merce
strange attractor
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 8,357


« Reply #41455 on: March 29, 2011, 3:44:59 PM »

FUNmathfella, please do concentrate on your awesomeness regardless of what happens or doesn´t happen with this woman.  Your way of talking about yourself and your ties with this woman sort of saddened me.

I'm the one who uses the Adonis term here. And if you go back to somewhere in the first 100 posts of this thread you will find my ideal man happens to be: short and chubby.  So, first of all that is an Adonis for some of us in the world. And then, I have to admit, you basically said that only a fugly woman would like that or aspire to that sort of a man. So, you´re kinda suggesting I'm fugly there. -- All right, you didn´t say fugly, you said plain or average in looks or intelligence. Well, I don´t care. I´m still offended. I´m not plain or average in either.  Back in the first year of the LHC we would occasionally vet each others´profiles. Epi say mine and said I was hot. Spork also thought I was above average when we met in person. So there!

All this to say, go out there and think of yourself as an Adonis.  That is part I, then part II is to follow pink's advice and lower the stakes. Perhaps you should practice with the slow, baby-step version of the spreadsheeting.  Just start browsing the dating site and sending out brief notes and winks to see that people will respond. Go out to cafes and chat with people.



And as regards the literalness of spreadsheeting, wet_blanket, when I was emailing and chatting with 3 or 4 guys a week or so ago I realized I couldn´t remember who I´d told what or which one had a sister living in Menorca or which one had lost their mother.  The spreadsheet idea really does make sense if you´re as self-absorbed as I.
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spammer 
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frogfactory
Totally Metal
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Posts: 10,600


« Reply #41456 on: March 29, 2011, 8:21:29 PM »

+1 to everyone's response to cf.  I wanted to reply, but couldn't find the right words.  Something about your approach reminds me a bit of 98, who was an absolutely hopeless case.  There's no way we'd have ever got together if I hadn't hounded him.  He has this attitude to many things in life, that he must have everything perfectly lined up and that he must *know* the outcome will be good before he'll act at all.  I find it frustrating sometimes, because I'm just about exactly the opposite, but it actually does mean we complement each other well.  (It also means he absolutely cannot cook, bless him.  I handed him an onion once and asked him to chop it, and he nearly panicked because he didn't think he'd be able to do it 'right')

I hate the idea of a perfectly decent guy losing out on the chance of fun experiences and maybe even a fantastic, life-changing relationship because of the same kind of hang-ups my awesome boyfriend has.  You can't count on some intense foreign wacko chick latching on to you, you know.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
cgfunmathguy
Beer-brewing
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Posts: 7,789


« Reply #41457 on: March 29, 2011, 8:56:31 PM »

Thanks for the replies, everyone. This is the one area of my life in which I am supremely "unconfident" (that sounds wrong). I promise I'll keep working on it, though.

A special thanks to Froggy for giving me a chuckle, which I desperately needed on this issue.
I hate the idea of a perfectly decent guy losing out on the chance of fun experiences and maybe even a fantastic, life-changing relationship because of the same kind of hang-ups my awesome boyfriend has.  You can't count on some intense foreign wacko chick latching on to you, you know.

And no, I don't intend to insult anyone with the descriptions I've used. My apologies to anyone who took offense.
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Alas, greatness and meaning are rarely coterminous with popular familiarity.
merinoblue
That's not screaming; that's rock and roll
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Posts: 9,722


« Reply #41458 on: March 29, 2011, 9:06:49 PM »

Wet Blanket will find success. The spreadsheet is the way...

Wait! Did someone else get my fortune cookie?
<longtime lurker on this thread>
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Defender of whimsy
Sangria knows no borders.
wet_blanket
Some kind of
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Posts: 7,025


« Reply #41459 on: March 29, 2011, 10:44:54 PM »

Question for the genuinely lonely hearts: do you have any bedtime buddies, regular or otherwise?  As a general rule I don't bed randoms.  My last foray into friends-with-benefits didn't end well, and the OKC experiment might take a while to pay off, if it ever does. Where does a single girl get sex?
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Let us let wet_blanket have the last word.
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