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News: Talk about how to cope with chronic illness, disability, and other health issues in the academic workplace.
 
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Author Topic: How to Land Your Kid in Therapy  (Read 65446 times)
frogfactory
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« Reply #15 on: June 29, 2011, 11:09:17 PM »

Some people would argue that negotiating those things are a big part of the rite of passage.

Those people would be arseholes.  It's just putting an obstacle in front of people's relationships that means nothing and serves no purpose.  Why shouldn't an adult have a private place to snuggle/do nasty things to their partner or walk around naked?

Shared rooms are a puritan hangover, and the sooner they're gone, the better.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
punchnpie
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« Reply #16 on: June 29, 2011, 11:13:35 PM »

At PepsiU, there's a whole cottage industry of off-campus luxury apartments that market themselves directly to students. This simply did not exist at my undergrad university 10 years ago, where the only off-campus apartments that accepted students were dilapidated 50 year old units.

At Cornfield U, it is quite common for parents to purchase a townhouse or what's called a zero-lot (I'd call it a duplex - 2 houses with 1 adjoining wall and the house is the size of a single family house) for their kids or even for grad students to purchase one and get several others to share. When I went to undergrad, the off campus housing was terrible. When punch jr went to the same school, I was amazed at how much the housing had changed. Almost everything was very nice; there were many new buildings. I got the feeling that students just weren't going to put up with living in a hell hole just 'cause they were in school.

I've jokingly admitted to being a helicopter parent. I have 1 child and have been a widow for many years. Despite what I might post here on occasion, we are genuinely close and usually enjoy each others' company. I'm glad he's staying here for grad school.

On the other hand, I was the oldest of 5. I couldn't get out of the house fast enough, just to get away from the noise, etc. My parents were concerned with my grades, exposed me to the arts, and that was about it.  They were busy with work or kids. I didn't get a lot of private time with them. Maybe it's different with onlies. All of punch jr's friends are also onlies and they also live at home.  

We are comfortable with our kids, and with just one, I think it's natural for the child to get a lot of attention. I wouldn't say we're all helicopter parents, it's probably just easy to fall into when you only have to worry about one. That said, I helicoptered about the big stuff - picking a school, career plans, money, etc., not with individual classes or bothering his professors. That's insane and doesn't help the kid.
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larryc
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« Reply #17 on: June 29, 2011, 11:35:12 PM »

Wow, the first two pages of that article were all over the place--random anecdotes and cultural references with no connecting tissue. I could not bring myself to read the rest.
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janewales
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« Reply #18 on: June 29, 2011, 11:36:12 PM »

My kids have shared a room all their lives. They were both thrilled-- THRILLED-- at the prospect of single rooms at university. I don't think that makes them entitled snowflakes.
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tinyzombie
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« Reply #19 on: June 29, 2011, 11:42:57 PM »

Some people would argue that negotiating those things are a big part of the rite of passage.

Those people would be arseholes.  It's just putting an obstacle in front of people's relationships that means nothing and serves no purpose.  Why shouldn't an adult have a private place to snuggle/do nasty things to their partner or walk around naked?

Shared rooms are a puritan hangover, and the sooner they're gone, the better.

Some people would also argue that they (shared rooms) are an economic necessity for colleges.
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frogfactory
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« Reply #20 on: June 30, 2011, 12:02:00 AM »

Some people would argue that negotiating those things are a big part of the rite of passage.

Those people would be arseholes.  It's just putting an obstacle in front of people's relationships that means nothing and serves no purpose.  Why shouldn't an adult have a private place to snuggle/do nasty things to their partner or walk around naked?

Shared rooms are a puritan hangover, and the sooner they're gone, the better.

Some people would also argue that they (shared rooms) are an economic necessity for colleges.

Not mine, I assure you (we apparently recently announced ourself recession-proof.)
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
grasshopper
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« Reply #21 on: June 30, 2011, 7:25:54 AM »

Unhappiness can be fulfilling, too, in some ways. How else are you going to justify listening to Elton John for a straight week?

But, seriously, I just had a brief conversation with someone who cries whenever hearing the theme to a particular tv show, because the show represented something sadly meaningful. That's the kind of thing that makes your heart expand, you know? Those feelings are really, really full. And that's a good thing!

Unhappiness isn't just something that makes you stronger for life's little setbacks. It can also be valuable in its own right.
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erzuliefreda
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« Reply #22 on: June 30, 2011, 8:36:26 AM »

I know how we can ensure that every incoming student has a single room, yet still not make people angry that college costs more now than it used to. Let's replace the tenured faculty when they retire with adjuncts, and cut some useless humanities degrees. Nobody gets jobs in those fields, anyway, and students today want real career training.

Can I have a job in university administration now? I see the light! I really do!
« Last Edit: June 30, 2011, 8:38:56 AM by erzuliefreda » Logged

frogfactory
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« Reply #23 on: June 30, 2011, 9:41:39 AM »

Or not provide housing for all four years of university.  Housing first years on campus makes sense, as a way to ease introduction to living in [new city] after possibly leaving home for the first time.  But after that?  Why can't they be told to rent privately with housemates of their own choosing?

Also, if rooms were built at the planning stage as singles rather than shared rooms, I doubt they would take up much more extra space and plumbing compared with shared rooms.  The fact that these things are decided at the planning stages smacks of Kelloggs-style puritanism.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
mended_drum
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« Reply #24 on: June 30, 2011, 9:47:45 AM »

I'm a little off today, but isn't the fact that so many of our students no longer share rooms before college one of the contributing factors to why they get so sick when they move to college?  Their immune systems don't seem to have handled the sorts of things that people my age were exposed to. 
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erzuliefreda
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« Reply #25 on: June 30, 2011, 9:49:04 AM »

Some folks working on first-year experience projects argue that having roommates helps people adjust to being away from home, feel less lonely, and less suicidal. Campus planning and student affairs is a complex field. I'm not opposed to offering varied student housing options (as if my opinion matters in this area), but I do think folks who want a single should pay more for the privilege.

At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
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notaprof
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« Reply #26 on: June 30, 2011, 10:06:11 AM »

I agree with Erzuliereda, students should pay more for a single room so that if you want to cut costs and try to save some money, choosing to share a dorm room is one way to do so.  We had a range of housing options with varying costs and some people chose the cheapest, some chose the most privacy, some chose for convenience.  I listed my top three preferences and hoped that I got something close to what I wanted.  Despite sharing rooms, most all of us managed to have sex, some people quite regularly.

I agree with Frogfactory too that students should be moving off campus by their junior year and learning to navigate the real world.  Back in the old days, the undesirablility of dorm living meant that most students were eager to move off campus.  Now, students never want to leave.  Why should they?  They have everything they want without the hassle of paying bills and dealing with landlords.  The colleges do not take the role of a landlord, they are assistants to the doting parents making sure that teacups are wrapped in bubblewrap for four years.
« Last Edit: June 30, 2011, 10:07:42 AM by notaprof » Logged

mountainguy
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« Reply #27 on: June 30, 2011, 10:08:28 AM »

Personally, I question the research that says living on-campus helps first-year students make the transition into college life. The other residents in my freshman-year dorm were seriously out of control, blasting music at all hours of the day and night, trashing the hallways and bathrooms, and causing all sorts of other mischief. The police were there at least 2-3 times per week. My high-achieving freshpeeps at PepsiU report similar complaints about noise.

Perhaps the experience is different for high-achievers. But I almost certainly would have had a better freshman year if I had lived in an upperclass-dorm or off-campus. (FWIW, the upperclass-dorms at my undergrad U. didn't have the same problems).
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erzuliefreda
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« Reply #28 on: June 30, 2011, 10:11:57 AM »

Yes, I think it varies greatly by the school, too. An elite residential SLAC can be all about campus life and the residential experience really is part of the purpose of the college. A run-of-the-mill state university with plenty of commuters? Who cares if the upperclassmen commute from the ghetto apartment complexes down the street and have their keggers there--it makes no real difference.
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macaroon
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« Reply #29 on: June 30, 2011, 10:25:16 AM »

I'm a little off today, but isn't the fact that so many of our students no longer share rooms before college one of the contributing factors to why they get so sick when they move to college?  Their immune systems don't seem to have handled the sorts of things that people my age were exposed to. 

My professional opinion is that this does not make sense.  They get sick because of the high density of people at college.  The have shared restrooms, shared meals, shared laundry facilities, close quarters (shared rooms would be worse), and too little sleep.  

I think I learned a fair amount about dealing with people from my housemates and floormates with whom I did not share a room.  But actually having a person in the same room as me didn't add any value to that educational experience.

My first roommate and I had polar opposite ideas about body modesty.  I'm not modest.  She'd change in the closet or put her clothes on in the bathroom down the hall.  I'm sure she was very uncomfortable, and I was as well.  I can't speak for her, but I sure didn't "learn" anything from that.  

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