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Author Topic: Male collegue who is rude toward female collegues  (Read 64733 times)
larryc
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« Reply #15 on: May 09, 2011, 7:55:17 PM »

What a great story! And the day after Mother's Day.
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tennisphd
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« Reply #16 on: May 27, 2011, 9:42:58 PM »

Male Colleague is out of control?  It depends on the degree of "rudeness" you are able to deal with at that point of time.

First degree, ignore them
Second degree, record the incident
Third degree, report to HR
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undercovermother
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« Reply #17 on: June 03, 2011, 2:42:48 PM »

Record his behavior on video and upload to YouTube.
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kathreeds
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« Reply #18 on: June 13, 2011, 7:32:39 AM »



And then there's this guy. In meetings, he will talk over female faculty and dismiss their ideas and comments rudely. With male collegues, it is always "Sorry for interrupting" and "I can see why you think that but..." This has been noted by male and female faculty alike. He has yelled at me over the phone, sent very rude and unprofessional emails to me, etc. His boorish behavior has been noted by other faculty (male and female), but no one seems to know what to do with him. I've generally taken the high road - responded with overwhelming politeness in emails, refused to drag the department head in unnecessarily, etc. But it has truly gotten to the point where I would refuse to coordinate a multi section class with this man ever again. The last time I had to work with him in this way the stress of dealing with him was worse than the stress of 55 students.

So my question is: is there a professional way to say "I'm sorry, but I just cannot work closely with this individual because he does not treat me with respect."? Or is this just a case of needing to stock up on Advil prior to the next time I have to work with him? Can anything be done in cases like this?

you and other female officers should talk to the chairman regarding the issue with a consent. Harassment at work place should be dealt with strictness
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kithara
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« Reply #19 on: June 25, 2011, 6:19:26 PM »

I am a female engineering instructor (full time, non tenure track). My department is an excellent place to work. We have a department chair who is very supportive of all his people, and particularly supports and encourages female faculty (given that we are a serious minority in the department). 99% of my collegues are similar.

And then there's this guy. In meetings, he will talk over female faculty and dismiss their ideas and comments rudely. With male collegues, it is always "Sorry for interrupting" and "I can see why you think that but..." This has been noted by male and female faculty alike. He has yelled at me over the phone, sent very rude and unprofessional emails to me, etc. His boorish behavior has been noted by other faculty (male and female), but no one seems to know what to do with him. I've generally taken the high road - responded with overwhelming politeness in emails, refused to drag the department head in unnecessarily, etc. But it has truly gotten to the point where I would refuse to coordinate a multi section class with this man ever again. The last time I had to work with him in this way the stress of dealing with him was worse than the stress of 55 students.

So my question is: is there a professional way to say "I'm sorry, but I just cannot work closely with this individual because he does not treat me with respect."? Or is this just a case of needing to stock up on Advil prior to the next time I have to work with him? Can anything be done in cases like this?

I wonder how he treats the female students.
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polly_mer
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« Reply #20 on: June 25, 2011, 7:02:20 PM »

I wonder how he treats the female students.

This is why I would report this guy to HR or the Ombuds office if the chair refuses to call him on it.

I can manage to work around a guy like this on the occasions that I have to do so because everyone else knows that he's a jerk and they will note what happens as he tries to speak over me and I call him on it.  However, those students should not be subjected to that kind of atmosphere.  No one should have to be extra, extra tough to get through the program.  Just regular tough is enough.
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snowbound
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« Reply #21 on: June 25, 2011, 8:11:10 PM »

A good phrase to use when discussing thisproblem with Chair or whoever is "creating a hostile work environment for female employees."  You can use drop this legalistic phrase into the conversation even if you're not  threatening to make an official complaint or sue or anything.  It subtly reminds whoever you're talking to that the behavior of this jerk is not just your own personal problem; it's a workplace problem that is ultimately the responsibility of the university to deal with. 
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spyzowin
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« Reply #22 on: June 28, 2011, 6:01:32 PM »

He also, I swear to God, made fun of my clothes. OK, I was wearing sack like things, because of stress related food comfort behavior, Birkenstocks, because of mysteriously swollen feet, and headscarves because my hair was falling out. I did actually resemble a potato famine refugee who was bearing an uncanny resemblance to a potato, but as it was all his fault he need not have pointed it out in just those terms.
He said I was a poor role model to female students who might want to be professionals.  No one at the faculty defended me at all, not even the other women.

Gee whiz, wonder why?  You were dressing incredibly badly. Just from a fashion point of view you *were* being a terrible role model. No one defended you because you were technically indefensible.

But this is a joke, right?
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larryc
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« Reply #23 on: June 28, 2011, 9:35:22 PM »

No one defended you because you were technically indefensible.

See what you just wrote there?
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polly_mer
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« Reply #24 on: June 29, 2011, 7:56:05 AM »

No one defended you because you were technically indefensible.

See what you just wrote there?

<waves hand wildly>

I do!  I do!

Saying, "Your current attire is not appropriate for certain professional settings and sets a poor example for our students", can be appropriate.

On the other hand, making fun of someone's clothes in a professional setting is never appropriate.  The professional would inwardly sigh, perhaps try to have a quiet word to get someone to change before meeting with the clients or addressing the board, or, when all else fails, completely ignore that the colleague is dressed inappropriately because clothes don't matter nearly as much as competency and ideas.

This is a case where one has a quiet word to try to correct the behavior and let the person succeed or fail on her own merits.  Pointing out someone else's flaws in rude manner like this indicates a higher level of unprofessionalism on the part of the pointer than the pointee.

Of course, I'm also in a field where I routinely see stars present in jeans and a T-shirt.  Dressing up is nice, but when push comes to shove, substance beats style every time (even for women).
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spyzowin
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« Reply #25 on: June 29, 2011, 1:21:48 PM »

No one defended you because you were technically indefensible.

See what you just wrote there?

<waves hand wildly>

I do!  I do!

Saying, "Your current attire is not appropriate for certain professional settings and sets a poor example for our students", can be appropriate.

On the other hand, making fun of someone's clothes in a professional setting is never appropriate.  The professional would inwardly sigh, perhaps try to have a quiet word to get someone to change before meeting with the clients or addressing the board, or, when all else fails, completely ignore that the colleague is dressed inappropriately because clothes don't matter nearly as much as competency and ideas.

This is a case where one has a quiet word to try to correct the behavior and let the person succeed or fail on her own merits.  Pointing out someone else's flaws in rude manner like this indicates a higher level of unprofessionalism on the part of the pointer than the pointee.

Of course, I'm also in a field where I routinely see stars present in jeans and a T-shirt.  Dressing up is nice, but when push comes to shove, substance beats style every time (even for women).

We only have the poster's vague claim that she was ridiculed. Since she seems to be under the grip of a somewhat powerful delusion regarding fashion, perhaps she is equally out of touch as to what comprises ridicule.
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itried
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« Reply #26 on: July 05, 2011, 10:03:15 PM »

What an a**hole. 

I love the idea of continuing to talk even after he starts talking over you. I use this tactic in faculty meetings when interrupted by one particular male colleague, and the chaos that ensues when I continue making my point while he talks over me is both amusing and exposes the jerk for what he is without me looking the least bit "hostile" or "aggressive." I just look stubborn, and my point is made.

Yes, document in detail. And, yes, your Chair should be protecting you. If (s)he isn't, (s)he isn't doing her/his job well.
« Last Edit: July 05, 2011, 10:09:11 PM by itried » Logged
alleyoxenfree
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Countin' all these posts as publications


« Reply #27 on: April 19, 2012, 12:49:37 AM »

I beg to differ, palchat.
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tinyzombie
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« Reply #28 on: April 19, 2012, 7:16:42 AM »

What's a palchat?

Also, zombie thread!!!
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