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[kbeard]

I've posted before about starting graduate school next year and shooting for my PHD.  One hiccup in my future planning is planning for kids down the road.  I'm married at 27 years old, and my wife is 28.  We'd like to have kids soon, but I have at least four years of school ahead of me. 

Few questions:

1.  Is it feasible to have a kid or kids when one parent is working as a full time student?
2.  How does health insurance work when you're a full time student?  Do schools offer a family plan?  My wife should be getting a job as a teacher, but just in case she cannot find one....

[wet_blanket]

I don't have kids, and I can't imagine doing grad school while having kids.  I would say it is absolutely impossible...except, people do it.  They succeed in grad school and their kids seem happy and healthy.  I think the feasibility question is dictated by one's own specific circumstances.

[sciencegrad]

1.  Like what blanket said, there somehow are many grad students who have one or more kids and still succeed.  I personally think these people can be in two places at once through some magical time machine like Hermione had, but that's just my theory.  In my STEM major, there's a student who just had his second child last semester (first child is 2 years old), while taking 15 credits as required by his funding situation, he still managed to get a near perfect GPA, AND he doesn't consume caffeine.

2.  My university's health insurance plan does have a family plan, though only the individual portion is covered by GA appointments.  I don't know how expensive family plans are usually, but here it's about an extra $1500 a year to cover children and $2500 a year to cover a spouse.

[heynonnynonnymouse]

I'm in grad school myself, in a social science field. Some of my peers have kids. My field is one where it's not uncommon to work in industry for some years and then go to grad school, so a rare few have older children. Some few have had children during the process, but most of those have had working spouses upon whom they rely financially during that time. I honestly can't think of many at all, and I'm in a very large program, so it's hard to generalize.

The reality is that you are going to be ridiculously busy, more than you can possibly begin to imagine, but I know people in your situation who have managed to have kids and do fine.  It really depends on how your stipend or income is, and the employment situation of your partner, moreso than the fact that you're in grad school. (For instance, I can barely support myself on my stipend and it hovers around the mark that qualifies me as an individual for food stamps. I could not support a spouse and a baby on it.)

As to the health insurance issue, you'd need to look specifically at each program, but at my university (R1 Public), grad students can buy family plan insurance to cover spouses and dependents. Students who have insurance through other means and have an assistantship/support from the department can get the money the department would have spent on their insurance refunded to apply to the outside insurance, too. (So if your spouse does get a job with better insurance than the school provides, you may want to pursue a family plan through that employer instead. I know my own university's insurance is not terrible for single folk, but rather limiting in what it covers fully if you don't go to the campus health center, and can therefore be frustrating for families.)

[bluesocks]

I became a parent while in grad school.  It was cheaper, and continues to be cheaper for me to purchase an individual health insurance plan just for her.  Where I work now, they have a family plan, but it would cost over $300 a month. Her insurance costs about $160 a month.  It has been nice to have her on her own plan as I have changed jobs a few times.  She has been able to stay with the same doctor, even when I have had to change.  No dental insurance, though, which is kind of a bummer, but dental insurance is pretty limited anyway.

[msparticularity]

Parenthood is generally not financially feasible through student insurance (let alone GA income) alone. While some places have a family plan for students, many do not, and/or there are odd gaps in coverage (like no well baby care). Certainly, your wife would need to be working enough to bring in some additional income, even if it is in a position without insurance.

The fact that your wife hopes to get a teaching job suggests one solution: she needs to get a job in your new location and work for long enough to be covered by FMLA, and to accumulate some sick leave as well (a year or two). Then she can get pregnant, give birth, and have a bit of leave time, still have a job to go back to after the baby, and you'll be able to get better coverage for the baby than on student insurance. You, in the meantime, will have to work very hard as a grad student, but your schedule will still be far more flexible than that of someone working a typical 40-hour week--or even than in your current teaching position. This will mean that baby care can be managed far more equitably.

I'm also wondering why you're talking about "at least four years," given that (if I'm remembering correctly) you need both the master's and a doctorate. Realistically, you are a minimum of six years from a PhD, and probably more like 7-8. This suggests to me that your better plan may be to go ahead and do the master's locally, while both of you are still employed in your current district, and to also consider trying to have a baby sooner rather than later.

[arizona]

I had kids in grad school. A lot of people do. Frankly, I think it's far easier to do it in school, when your time is much more flexible, than in the first couples of years on the tenure-track. YMMV. It took me a couple of years longer to finish but, again, I wouldn't have had the cushion of those extra years if I had been in a tenure-track job.

We used my spouse's insurance (through work), which was better than what my grad school offered--although the grad school insurance was not abominable and we could have made it work. I did have peers who had children while using the school insurance. So much of this depends on the specific school and what they offer.

[kbeard]

Parenthood is generally not financially feasible through student insurance (let alone GA income) alone. While some places have a family plan for students, many do not, and/or there are odd gaps in coverage (like no well baby care). Certainly, your wife would need to be working enough to bring in some additional income, even if it is in a position without insurance.

The fact that your wife hopes to get a teaching job suggests one solution: she needs to get a job in your new location and work for long enough to be covered by FMLA, and to accumulate some sick leave as well (a year or two). Then she can get pregnant, give birth, and have a bit of leave time, still have a job to go back to after the baby, and you'll be able to get better coverage for the baby than on student insurance. You, in the meantime, will have to work very hard as a grad student, but your schedule will still be far more flexible than that of someone working a typical 40-hour week--or even than in your current teaching position. This will mean that baby care can be managed far more equitably.

I'm also wondering why you're talking about "at least four years," given that (if I'm remembering correctly) you need both the master's and a doctorate. Realistically, you are a minimum of six years from a PhD, and probably more like 7-8. This suggests to me that your better plan may be to go ahead and do the master's locally, while both of you are still employed in your current district, and to also consider trying to have a baby sooner rather than later.

Sorry - I didn't give too many details because our situation is a bit complex. 

As for an update since we last talked - it looks like I have a good shot at going back to Auburn for my master's and, God-willing, my PHD.  After speaking to a former professor there, I feel confident about my future at their university.  Luckily, it's only an hour and a half away, so I can commute for the first semester or maybe even the first full year.  My wife already has six years as a teacher in state, and we've already discussed with a state employee how FMLA works and what our options are.  As long as she gets a job in Auburn for the start of the 2013 school year, we should be good. 

I'm just worried about what happens if she doesn't get a job, although her credentials and recommendations far exceed the average candidate.  Also, I was just curious about what it's like having kids and going to graduate school full time.  On a bit of a personal note, the school I am at currently is not exactly someplace I need to be.  Kind of a bad situation.  Not too horrible, but staying here and going to graduate school with intentions of making it into a PHD program may be more daunting than I can handle. 

My wife and I have decided that it would be better for me to just go to school full time.  I can make money on the side teaching guitar and playing country club gigs.  (Some of my stuff is on Youtube if anyone's interested.)  Also, anything the university would like me to do, I'm very willing. 

And I definitely "mistyped" on the four year mark.  I had been reading about the average time it takes to finish a PHD.

Thanks again for all your help.

[ptarmigan]

It sounds like you have the financial angle pretty well worked out.

I don't know how your program will be, but I don't work more hours in my PhD program than many adult professionals do, and if I had a child waiting at home, I could probably work more efficiently and get my stuff done in about 50 hours a week. (Your experience may vary greatly from this, of course.) However, my program does tend to take all of my attention, leaving other considerations (friends/family/romance) as distant and vague blurs in my mind. This was especially true in the first year. So if you are like me, you will have to be very determined to still be "there" in your home life and not treat your wife and/or child as some strange peripheral distraction.

[asteria]

I had a child just after finishing coursework. Yes, it is possible, especially if you're dedicated and talented. My GA insurance covers my whole family, but my SO  makes the real money. If you are going to be the primary caregiver, I suggest waiting until your coursework (MA and PhD) is finished, and any TA duties. After that, it's just about managing your own time. People I know who have kids in grad school or on the TT seem to do that a lot more efficiently, IMHO. Either that, or they stop being productive altogether. Since you're a man, you probably won't run into too many people (professors... collaborators...) who fear your parental responsibilities will slow them down or get in their way, but that does happen. Some people resent your schedule not being as flexible as that of the average grad student.

[imawakenow]

1.  Is it feasible to have a kid or kids when one parent is working as a full time student?

We had a child during grad school. The comment upthread about what it will mean for you as opposed to your wife (who will likely have much/most of the child-rearing duties) is spot on.

Also, see these threads on the same topic for a variety of perspectives (I'd say mostly from grad students with children or faculty who had children during grad school):

Yet another babies in grad school thread
http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php/topic,74515.0.html

Babies and funding (interesting cross-section of opinions here)
http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php/topic,33583.0.html

Having a baby while in a Ph.D. program
http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php/topic,81697.0.html

Grad school pregnancy
http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php/topic,29135.0.html

2.  How does health insurance work when you're a full time student?  Do schools offer a family plan? 

Health insurance is usually handled at the university level and what is covered, how much copays are, cost for adding spouse, children, etc. will vary widely by university.

If you can't find the information on the graduate school website, then call the graduate school and ask.

FWIW, at my grad school we had the option of individual coverage, as well as adding spouse and/or children.

[westcoastgirl]

I had kids in grad school. A lot of people do. Frankly, I think it's far easier to do it in school, when your time is much more flexible, than in the first couples of years on the tenure-track. YMMV. It took me a couple of years longer to finish but, again, I wouldn't have had the cushion of those extra years if I had been in a tenure-track job.

We used my spouse's insurance (through work), which was better than what my grad school offered--although the grad school insurance was not abominable and we could have made it work. I did have peers who had children while using the school insurance. So much of this depends on the specific school and what they offer.

Agreed. I don't understand the "I can't have kids in grad school" sentiment here. To each his own, but doesn't one have to get on with life sometime (choosing you are not CF by choice and if you are, that's fine by me)? It certainly doesn't get any easier on the tenure track. And after that, I'm guessing it's a moot point, biologically. I'm at a pretty intense school. While many of my "serious" peers don't have kids, they spent amazing amounts of time working jobs, partying and doing other non-school related things. They, too, have lives. Those lives may not involve changing diapers but I know very few people who are in the library 8 to 12 midnight. My husband wrote most of his dissertation as a SAHD (and going to the library only 15 hours a week) and has continued to produce copious amounts and win international recognition as a single dad (we are two body and he's with the kid). While I think he's quick at the draw, I'm sure others could do what he does.

Anyway, back to the question--you might qualify for state health care. Check into that.

Anecdotal: I had two kids during grad school. I was ridiculously organized with my study time. They'd go to bed at 7 and I'd work til midnight. Whenever I got a free moment, you believe I was working. I used to talk to myself in the car--I'd repeat lectures aloud, look at notes in traffic jams, etc. Note: I did not have a supportive husband (number one), so I was really on my own. I did well back in the day.

Fast forward a few years. For all practical purposes, I'm a single woman again (well, not really--I'm married and have kids, but I have a TON of free time). Guess what? I was much more efficient when I had kids and deadlines looming large. Now, I waste loads of time and I'm just not as disciplined.

[westcoastgirl]

Yes, you should be aware that you may be stereotyped. I'm a TA at my grad institution and have been for 5 years. I have never, ever canceled due to children. And yet, some of the older male professors in the department have mentioned that they are afraid I'll always be canceling, etc and have selected someone else, even if they aren't as qualifed. It's pretty infuriating.

I'm also pretty candid with my classes about my kids, etc., meaning I talk about them without hesitation. And then, last round, the professor changed my day around, went out of town and told me late in the game, etc. I wasn't entirely flexible because, guess what, I teach elsewhere. Of course, students quickly assume its the mom/kid "I'm busy thing" when it was anything but.

[kbeard]

Thanks to everyone for your help and advice.

I had assumed that it's feasible as most jobs are time consuming and kids are time consuming, yet both are manageable together.  But hearing words from you is reassuring prior to entering into school. 

[urbanized]

The only additional point I'd make is that it depends on the willingness of your partner to chip in emotionally and financially. Grad school will be extremely difficult if your partner wants to be a stay at home parent.