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[seventhyear]

There's been some back channel, PM conversations about adoption, and it's gotten me curious about how many of us on the fora are part of the "adoption triad".  The triad is the adoptee, the biological/birth parents and the adopted parents.  It's not often that the three constituencies get to actually talk to each other.

[dr_alcott]

I'm glad you started this thread, Seventh Year.

I'm an adoptee. I grew up knowing I was adopted but had no information about my birth parents. I finally met my birth mother when I was pregnant with my oldest child, almost 10 years ago now. I'm in touch with her, her husband (not my birth father), and the two kids she had after I was born. I've never met my birth father. While I'm happy to have my birth mother in my life (I see her twice a year), my adoptive parents are without question My Parents.

Adoption stories make me all warm and happy inside. I hope people will share theirs here.

[organic_prof]

My husband and I adopted our younger daughter from China. She is 9 years old now, and we adopted her right after she turned one. She would dearly love to know her biological family. We went on a trip to China this summer and met her foster mom, and I have been in email correspondence with the foster mom (using google translate - she doesn't know english nor I much chinese).

[curmudgeonintraining]

We are in the adoption process now, just waiting to be matched. The waiting sucks big time, and we've been thoroughly disillusioned with the adoption world in general. But the potential to be matched at any time gives some motivation to get finished with the dissertation NOW.

[mystictechgal]

I'm an "other". I'm not adopted, but most of my brothers and sisters are, and my first husband was. In the case of my sisters and one of my brothers these were all arranged adoptions. My father and his first wife were involved in helping unwed mothers back in the day when being pregnant and unmarried was decidedly not acceptable. They became the proverbial "Aunt and Uncle" in the country that girls went to visit for extended periods. During the '40s they probably took in and helped close to a hundred young women. In the case of my brothers and sisters, the parents were known and we had their original birth certificates. None of my sibs were interested. My brother was/is particularly bitter, yet his family was the one that wanted most to be close. His birth grandmother was kept in the loop about how he was doing, and she sent him Christmas presents every year until she died. He rejected them from the time he was old enough to know who they were coming from. On her deathbed she pleaded with him to visit her and he refused. I finally got my eldest sister to take her birth certificate from me a few years ago. Due to medical issues in her family, I had already spoken with her adult (30's and 40's) children and informed them of her parent's identity. I found a picture of her mother online in a HS yearbook and shared it with our middle sister. She ran interference for me about telling the kids and our sister finally relented and asked for the birth certificate so her kids could research the medical aspects. She's 71 and neither of her parents are on the scene any longer.

My first husband was born in Poland at the end of the war. His mother turned him over to Catholic Charities as a baby so he could leave the country. She was to follow and was told ( according to her) that when she arrived they would be reunited. Instead, they promptly put him up for adoption. She did get out of the country, but was sent to Canada instead of the U.S. By the time she got to this continent they told her it was too late and there wasn't anything she could do to get him back. His younger half-brother eventually tracked him down about a year before our marriage ended. He had been resentful of his adoptive parents for awhile (long story--not their fault) so he was primed for the idea of a new family. He did go up to meet her and the rest of his birth family, but I was not invited. She'd never considered the possibility that he might have grown up and married, and a wife wasn't in her vision of the reunion--particularly one 12 years younger than he. I can't say that this was a major factor in my eventually asking for a separation--there were too many other things--but, it did play a part. She wanted him to go and live with them to catch up on the lost years. He was seriously considering it, but I wasn't invited to do that, either. I have no idea if he's kept contact since then, or not. Knowing how he was at that time, I'm going to bet that he soured that well, too, but perhaps he got it together. Since he'd be 67 now I doubt that she's still living, either. But, maybe he still sees his brother.

In all of these cases, times were different. I'm so glad things have changed. My non-family adoption stories from more recent times are (mostly) much warmer and friendlier.

[seventhyear]

Since I started it, I'm adopted,  I was adopted at 3 weeks in a closed adoption.  I've considered searching, but have never had the emotional energy to open that can of worms.

I just watched close friends struggle with the adoption system.  They were matched to a beautiful girl last year, and they are doing great.

[msparticularity]

I'm also in the "other family member" category, several times over. MrP has half-brother somewhere: my MIL became pregnant as a teen and gave up her son in a sort-of-open adoption, but communication was via a third party, and was cut off long before she married and had MrP and his full siblings. They would love to find their half-brother (MIL passed away awhile ago), but there has been no progress.

On the other side, we have another "lost child" we would love to find. One of my SILs got pregnant in her late teens, and gave up her baby daughter for adoption through Catholic Community Services, which only did closed adoptions. That child is now over 18, and we're hoping she will register to be connected with my SIL, who has already registered.

The next one is a "found" story: another SIL (the sister of the the one who gave up the baby) was adopted as an infant in a closed adoption--through Catholic Community Services--but found her biological father and half-sister just a few years ago. They have a very close relationship now, and, in fact, her (adoptive) father has grown quite close to her birth father!

Finally, my cousin and her husband adopted Romanian orphans (twins!) a number of years ago. They have stayed in touch with the foster mother who took care of them originally, but the birth mother wanted to sever all contact. The twins are doing well, and now in middle school.

There are others in the more distant family, but these are the ones that I'm the closest to.

[toothpaste]

I suppose I count as an "other," though not in my nuclear family. My mother's sister's son was adopted as an infant. They eventually found each other, and I finally met him at my (our) grandfather's funeral.