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[seldom]

How do you avoid negative colleagues who want nothing to do but gossip all day about how unfair life is to them and trying to make your life miserable in the process?

I started a dream tenure-track position at an R1 college that I have been really excited about. Things have been good in general, although like many in my position, I am dealing with the hurdles of teaching, research, service, balancing everything out, securing my first grant, improving my first semester's teaching evaluations, etc....

I love my job, and would say I am in a very healthy department compared to my last job, so have nothing much to complain about with respect to the work environment...Everyone has been friendly, accommodating and helpful, except for maybe one.....or two colleagues.

Colleague A was the person on my interview committee and is the most dangerous of the two. Since day 0 (my interview day), colleague A has tried cozying to me by b*tching about other colleagues in the department, office politics, the racism, jealousy, unfair treatment, and hate hu has been subjected to, and volunteering information left and right that I never asked for about everything and everyone (e.g. how hu was the one who fought for me to get the position, blah, blah, blah) I could tell straight away hu was a total nut case. That is despite hu being one of the most successful people in the department and the department's cash cow. I can tell though hu's not well liked, which is hardly surprising given hus personality.

Seeing how much of a nut case hu was, I distanced myself from hu, and managed to avoid hu (only running into hu by accident, and exchanging hellos) until very recently when colleague B entered into the picture...  

Colleague B just started hu's position 2 months ago. Although not a total basket case like Colleague A, I can tell hu might have some of the signs.  Like any good (untenured) colleague would do, I emailed hu welcoming hu to the department, and inviting hu to get in touch if hu ever needed any help.

Things quickly progressed to Colleague B constantly calling or stopping by my office to ask questions, spending an hour or 2 everytime (either in person or on the phone) talking non-stop about something mundane that shouldn't under normal circumstances take more than 60 seconds to discuss. I am now at a stage where I waste about 3-4 hours a week listening to Colleague B whine about something totally insignificant or some very dysfunctional aspect of the many our department apparently has.  

And because misery loves company, I was talking with colleague B in the hallway 2 days ago when colleague A came in, and it quickly became apparent to me that Colleague A and B are now best buds (good for them, don't care!).

Next thing I know, they're going for coffee, colleague B invites me to join, and I end up wasting 2 hours listen to both Colleagues A and B whine about life, their jobs, the department, warning me of the dangers ahead in the department and in my career (not sure how Colleague B could know those dangers given hu is newer than me). By the end of it, I just felt miserable, negative, resentful and wanted to never see or hear about Colleagues A  and B again!

How do I put an end to this? I do not want to get sucked into this very negative web of Colleagues B and A (who’s now best friends with Colleague B). I know I need to set some boundaries to my interactions with Colleague B (which would automatically limit my interaction with Colleague A) but how do I do that? Colleague A was never that aggressive when I first started, so I didn't find it hard to just keep to myself and not mingle with hu. And knowing how a total wacko Colleague A is, I know I am now on hus enemy list (you're either with hu or against hu), so don't want to create a second enemy out of Colleague B. How do I set some boundaries with the aggressiveness of colleague B without appearing rude and uninterested? I should say I am usually told I am an open and polite person so I do find it difficult to just say NO a lot of the times. To make matters worse, I am now involved in a research project with colleague B and another senior colleague, so totally avoiding Colleague B is not possible.

I love my department, I love my job, I am in heaven compared to my last job, I don't want anything to ruin this for me. I don't want to listen to how my skin colour is not in my favour or how the tenure process is unfair. I just want to go by, be happy, enjoy my job and the challenges it brings. How do I avoid those two colleagues without risking alienating them and having to deal with the aftermath (possibly having colleague A as part of my tenure committee and voting against me)? And I know Colleague A could very well do that if given the opportunity just because of how sad, vindictive and miserable hu is.

[david_perlmutter]

Try making it boring for them. Listen but don't react, just stare, and grunt once in a while. Shrug. They will get bored and find a new audience.

[banana]

Try to keep all interaction with Colleague B focused on the collaborative project.  Of all the things Colleague B talks to you about, that's the only legitimate one.  Also, negative people quickly tire of productive conversation -- they'd prefer to ruminate and wallow in the perceived injustices around them. 

Example:
Colleague B: "The tenure process is so unfair."
You: "Mm, so you've said.  Hey, I was wondering how things are coming along on [project task]..."

[selome07]

Hi there,

Sorry to hear about the negative colleagues-- that's a big time downer! I am also fairly new on the tenure track in a department with a lot of drama and a few people who like to complain about other people and force me to listen to it. With folks who are less aggressive I've tried the blank stare but cordial angle-- you know, smiling and nodding but not offering any fodder to fuel their rant of the day. And, you know, it has pretty much worked. They see me as polite and kind, but maybe a bit distant. And, you know, I'm OK with that. With more aggressive negative people I've tried to politely challenge their negativity. Sometimes by saying, "Hey, wow, that's terrible, I haven't experienced that directly with person XYZ, but I'm sorry that's been your experience."  Then, I change the subject to something fabulous occurring in the world/department/classroom/with research.  This also has minimized the frequency with which they rant (to me at least).  I am clearly a boring sounding board for them. And you know, I'm OK with that.  Reminding these people about the great things going on in their lives-- because there actually are lots of them-- (that paper, how great! Your students are raving about you! What a great idea!) also has worked for me, and I think actually may help them to put some of their negativity into perspective (or at least act they are).  But, I'll admit, my negative colleagues are not bad people, they're just a bit jaded, lonely and bitter. 

Good luck, I'm sure you'll find an approach that works for you. And hey, only two downers in a full department is actually a pretty low prevalence.  Are you guys hiring??? :)

[shrek]

Colleague B is likely to end up on As enemy list -- maybe not today, but probably at some point. You probably don't want to throw B to the dog as it were, but you can't get sucked in. Be cordial, and limit your time. Oh gosh, I have to get going, I have to (insert something vague here). If they drop by your office, limit the interaction to 5 minutes. Then, either get up and go, or tell them you need to get back to the project you are working on-- "hey, is that it? I gotta get back to this, I have a deadline coming up." Rinse and repeat.

[ruralguy]

Your bigger problem is letting colleagues suck up your time.

I don't let this happen much anymore.

Just look busy, only respond sparingly, and say things like "Oh, got so much to do with the kids tonight, I've really got to get to XYZ now, sinc eI'll have no time later"

[larryc]

Your bigger problem is letting colleagues suck up your time.

I don't let this happen much anymore.

Just look busy, only respond sparingly, and say things like "Oh, got so much to do with the kids tonight, I've really got to get to XYZ now, sinc eI'll have no time later"

Exactly.

"I'd love to have coffee, but I have a grant deadline and I am not goint to make it if I don't get some work done right now!"

Next time: "I'd love to chat, but I have to finish this paper of the editor is going to black ball me--now that would not be good for tenure would it?"

Time after that: "Yikes, is it almost three? I have to run!"

And so on. You have a big smile for A and B when you see them, you are so very, very sorry that you don't have time right now to listen to their delightful conversation, you just happen to have something so very pressing to do.

[sagit]

I agree with the above posts.  You need to learn strategies to cut short these conversations.  Say No to going to coffee (or if you go, just get up and leave after 20-30 minutes - make an excuse).  If you're stopped in the hall, answer briefly then walk away.  Sorry, gotta run!  If you're waylaid in your office, let them know that you are in the middle of something and that if it is important, they can send you an email.  Do you have caller ID on your office phone?  I would just not answer.

[spectacle]

Ugh, seldom, I have one of these, too.

Out of sheer self-defense, I've mastered the art of the blank stare and the non-engaging responses. 

I'm sure my Negative Colleague thinks that I look like a dear in headlights and that I'm a complete moron, but I don't particularly care.  She is a Goddess of Time-Suck and I simply don't have time for it.  It took about a semester, but she's stopped coming by my office to complain.

You have my sympathy. 

[tinyzombie]

Stop letting them rent space in your brain, OP. You've already written too many words about them. Just let it go.

Also, do what everyone else has advised - IGNORE.

[offthemarket]

I heartily agree with the earlier posts.  The problem isn't so much the negativity and annoyingness of it, but the time sink. When they want to hang out, be busy. It's hard to argue against a coffee invitee who has a grant deadline or manuscript revisions that need to get done.

I manage to find the time to be with pleasant people, but you don't need any excuse or fancy way to get out of spending time with them. If they come to your office and make themselves at home, then just politely say, "I'd love to talk about this later but I really have to get working on X."

Everyone else said this other ways, already, of course.

[slinger]

The problem isn't so much the negativity and annoyingness of it, but the time sink.

True! I've got an Annoying Colleague, who isn't so much negative, but just way too talkative. She's oversharing, time-sucking, listening to others' conversation just so she can wait for the chance to jump in herself.

Strategies that work are as larry said. "Gotta run!" "So sorry, I'd love to chat, but this is due soon!" etc. 

Just ignore the negative stuff.  Be non-committal.

[neutralname]

I've gone through times (days, months, years) when I have found that more negativity has come out of my mouth than I would like.  It is easy to start ranting about students, colleagues, and administration -- witness these fora.  It's a trait I try to curb.

In addition to just ignoring a negative colleague, you can also try comments like "what's going well?" or "what's the good news?"  If they just start being negative, steer them back to something positive.  After a while, they might start to get the not-very-subtle hint. 

It is especially draining to be around negativity and despondence.  I've got a colleague who is relentless in his (rather justified) ranting.  I find that a direct comment can work with him.  "Enough of the negativity.  It's too depressing.  What else have you got?"

[weathered]

I met these people in my previous department. At first, I thought they were genuinely nice and humane--based on how they depicted themselves against more "evil" people in their department. Then, I moved to a different department and so far no one around me is like them. There is no gossiping or back stabbing. People here just don't talk about other people either positively or negatively. It's kind of nice. Then, I realized that the other folks had a problem. Perhaps it's better not to take them seriously.

[busyslinky]

Just hang out with the people they b*tch and moan about.   Tell these other people what A&B have been saying.  Then get back to work on your research and teaching.