An undergraduate professor took me aside after class and said "Young man, class participation also means knowing when to shut up."
The burn!
Yep. Perhaps to no one's surprise, I was given that information on occasion.
As for the abrasive/assertive argument, the question is whether people are somewhat annoyed, you are projecting that people ought to be annoyed, or whether people are taking action against her. Speaking as someone who often has assertiveness set at 11, the usefulness of having a wise, kind mentor point out that specific people in the food chain prefer assertiveness 11 to be saved for special occasions cannot be overestimated. Knowing that assertiveness has a knob, not just on and off, can be very handy and that is a mentor's place.
However, the rudeness of being told to dial down assertiveness below 3 all the time just because some people go through life as snowflakes also should not be underestimated. Is this student actually being harmed or likely to be harmed since people who have power are saying "pass her over for the fellowship" or "don't invite her to meet with the visitors"?
Or, is this a personal preference writ large since some people don't tolerate standard assertiveness set on 7, even though 7 may be perfectly fine?
