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[ex_mo]

Thanks, everyone, for the good advice.  I've calmed down now. 

She emailed her file to me last night.  I'll see her today and will talk with her about making sure she is taking care of herself.  I never intended to yell at her or chastise her (which is why I vented here!) but I do want to let her know that its OK to ask for help/extensions or to let some things go.  I'm sure it is very hard for her. 

[chaosbydesign]

I agree with Vox that it might be an LMS problem that is just not showing that she was logged in. I have had the opposite thing happen to me before, where I was unable to log in entirely and when I went to ask someone to fix it they said that the CMS was showing me as being already logged in. I wasn't.

[ex_mo]

All great points.  The issue we were having on campus, though, was that the entire site was down.  When you went to the lms.slac.edu site, all you got was a 404 error.  Since its been back up and running, no one else has said there were the types of issues you are describing.

Which, of course, is not to say that she wasn't having that type of problem anyway.  She got her file in and that's fine.  I'm still concerned about her, though. 

[kaysixteen]

Her medical issues aside, the software problems more or less make it essentially impossible to prove she has lied here.  Let it go.

[theritas]

We are "working together" (actually, they're working together, I'm directing them) on an applied project with a local agency. 

I find myself being angrier than I should be and wondering how (if at all) to address this. 

I actually think the added stress of completing a project for an outside agency (in addition to the 'favorite student' plus the evidence you cited) are to blame for the unusual anger.  I'm glad you were able to work through it, but you shouldn't be surprised that this combination of things got to you.  With so many factors, including the pressure of delivering a product, it's quite natural to be emotionally invested in the outcome.

[ex_mo]

We are "working together" (actually, they're working together, I'm directing them) on an applied project with a local agency. 

I find myself being angrier than I should be and wondering how (if at all) to address this. 

I actually think the added stress of completing a project for an outside agency (in addition to the 'favorite student' plus the evidence you cited) are to blame for the unusual anger.  I'm glad you were able to work through it, but you shouldn't be surprised that this combination of things got to you.  With so many factors, including the pressure of delivering a product, it's quite natural to be emotionally invested in the outcome.

All very true. 

I spoke with her today and told her that I was "surprised" that she said she was having trouble with the LMS because when I checked, it looked like she hadn't logged in.  I didn't accuse her of anything, but kind of let her know what I was thinking.  She apologized and said she just felt bad for not being done.  I told her, "Sometimes, we get behind.  It happens to all of us.  In those situations, the best way to handle it is to own up to our mistakes and work at moving forward.  You know that's the right thing to do, which is why I was so surprised to hear you say you were having technical problems.  It was out of character.  I know you are better than that." 

I told her I know she is going through a lot and that she is spread pretty thin right now, and that I'm willing to work with her as much as I can but that she needs to keep me in the loop.  If she's falling behind on something or needs my help, just tell me.  Don't leave me in a situation, particularly where my name/reputation is on the line with this outside agency, where I look unprofessional.  She almost melted down, I could tell, not because of what I said (I hope!) but I think she is just dealing with a lot of different things at once. 

I told her to go home and take a nap. 

[dr_alcott]

Well done, Ex_Mo: your response was both compassionate and professional. I hope she'll be OK.

[proftowanda]

One change I'd make in Brixton's talking points is that I would NOT say that "I find myself being angrier than I should be." That shifts the emphasis to your emotional response, and to its appropriateness. Try to be a neutral judge of her actions. (I'm not saying don't BE angry; I'm saying don't make your emotions the issue when you discuss this with the student.)

On preview, Ex_Mo, perhaps then you could also talk to her about the perils of taking on too much and the need to put her own health first.  Clearly this student (well, like all of them) deserves compassion.

+1

You might want to frame any discussion you have with her with respect to the client. This is not just about her actions and how they affect her performance. She's working with a group and if something really did come up that affected her ability to finish her part of the project, then she needs to be honest about it with her "coworkers". She has a bridge to mend with you if she wants that letter, too.

Alan

Yes, as this class is constructed to be a "real world" experience, framing the discussion as the problem affects the client is good -- but also as it affects the group. 

And this can be a reason to consider (just consider) acting opposite to the advice here to handle this privately.

I've taught a similar class, and I've dealt with similar problems, and I've resorted to handling this as an exercise for the class as more "real world" experience toward management.

First, of course, do verify that the LMS record is reliable.  If not, then. . . .

I handled this sort of thing openly in that class but naming no names.  "One of our classmates has [in that case] caused a serious problem for the client which affects all of you -- although only one of you knows which of you is the one who did this.  Let's leave it that way and discuss this as if it were one of our case studies.  Now, how do we first identify the problem -- not the person, the problem -- and then, let's discuss options for solutions. . . ."

In this case, the client was ready to withdraw, by the way.

Anyway, this ended up being an extraordinarily good discussion and with a good resolution.  Just a thought.

[anon11]

It is sad.  I think a big part of it is that she is A Joiner.  She's involved all over campus in a lot of different things.  What's kind of funny is that she doesn't seem to me to be a hyper perfectionist (she's a solid B student, but isn't a grade grubber).  I think she got herself involved in too much and the health issues are, logically, dragging her down. It is probably hard for her to accept that it is taking a big toll on her. 

I work with patients who have illnesses that require chemo. Denial is often a large part of their way of dealing with a serious (and sometimes potentially fatal) illness. My guess is that you put your finger on it - she doesn't want to admit her inability to keep up because it means facing the illness head-on.

Your response (today at 2:12) was perfect, I think.