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spork
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« on: February 06, 2012, 09:41:21 PM » |
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Not a CHE article, but . . . http://www.npr.org/2012/02/06/146464665/helicopter-parents-hover-in-the-workplaceIf I was an employer, and encountered this stuff, Johnny and Kaitlyn would never be hired. And I'd tell them and their parents why. There are plenty of people coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan I could hire instead. |
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a.k.a. gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket
"Please do not force people who are exhausted to take medication for hallucinations." -- Memo from the Chair, Department of White Privilege Studies, Fiork University
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geonerd
Creator of the award for heroic avoidance of dangling prepositions AND a
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Posts: 5,577
Do not take the bait
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« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2012, 10:31:39 PM » |
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This doesn't surprise me in the least, unfortunately. I've had heliparents show up to graduate admissions interviews and heliparents who inserted themselves into graduate student's grade appeal. One of them made a comment to the effect of "Professors probably don't have many opportunities to discuss these things with parents." Ummm...no. That's because we're supposed to be teaching adults, and FERPA agrees.
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"Is this the water?"
"Yes."
Traffic doesn't care what I think of it. |
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chaosbydesign
"I like to lyse bacteria. Did you know I'm utterly insane?"
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Posts: 12,373
I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
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« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2012, 10:42:45 PM » |
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Some of the things in that article make me want to run away screaming in search of the real world, because I'm clearly not in it any more.
"Take Your Parent to Work" day? "You don't want to block the energy of the parent"?
Seriously?
Parents need to learn to let their adult children be, you know, adults.
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Seriously, I tried to lick my own face. Ah. Typical ivory tower pedanticalness.
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aandsdean
I feel affirmed that I'm truly a 6,000+ post
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Positively impactful on stakeholder synergies
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« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2012, 10:53:25 PM » |
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I am catching some hints of this kind of thing from a few candidates here. It's going to be a long 20 years.
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« Last Edit: February 06, 2012, 10:53:59 PM by aandsdean »
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Wearing a black armband for Lucy
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collegekidsmom
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« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2012, 01:10:20 AM » |
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I wonder how it must feel to be a parent and feel that you cannot let your adult child go to a job interview alone. I wonder what's wrong with any young person that they wouldn't feel ridiculous having their mother at the job interview. I wonder what a parent is feeling as they head to the job or grad school interview. I wonder if there is any boundary there-or if everyone is just so enmeshed with each other-that it becomes "our" experience. I guess as long as the behavior is tolerated or encouraged by employers or schools that it will just become more common.
I heard a mother on a TV interview show the other day tell her daughter that she just wanted her to be happy every single minute of every single day. That's the goal of at least one parent.
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lotsoquestions
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« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2012, 06:46:45 AM » |
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And somewhere out there there's a guy that's going to marry that girl. How long do you give that marriage?
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totoro
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« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2012, 06:59:24 AM » |
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I am catching some hints of this kind of thing from a few candidates here. It's going to be a long 20 years.
Do you mean candidates for academic jobs? |
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cranefly
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« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2012, 07:57:35 AM » |
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How can parents think that this is good for their (adult) child?
The kids clearly don't know any better, but really, the adults show know a little about how the world works.
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Oh yeah--Professor Sparkle Pony. "Follow your dreams, young genius, and you will meet with success!" Students eat that up.
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theritas
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« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2012, 08:09:30 AM » |
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How long does it take for the employer to imagine the parent calling to request additional accommodations, better benefits, or ask for a raise for their offspring?
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aandsdean
I feel affirmed that I'm truly a 6,000+ post
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 6,643
Positively impactful on stakeholder synergies
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« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2012, 08:52:56 AM » |
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I am catching some hints of this kind of thing from a few candidates here. It's going to be a long 20 years.
Do you mean candidates for academic jobs? Yes. |
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Wearing a black armband for Lucy
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southerntransplant
Overcaffeinated and punchy
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« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2012, 09:30:24 AM » |
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I am catching some hints of this kind of thing from a few candidates here. It's going to be a long 20 years.
Do you mean candidates for academic jobs? Yes. Oh hell no. Several of our grad students have had parents accompany them to their job interview visits, though not to the actual interview. Invariably these students ended up getting jobs which were closer to home but might not have been the job that would have suited their demonstrated abilities. While it could be argued that they made these decisions themselves, we'll never truly know. |
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"I tried to walk into a Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around" - Mitch Hedberg
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anakin
Most snarkily lightsabered
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Goes to 11
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« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2012, 09:53:10 AM » |
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I have a new favorite line for my helicopterent arsenal, though: "Your kid would be much better off by showing the initiative, and focusing and committing to their coursework themselves."
Aandsdean, and all you other deans, deanlets, and chairs who will be on my SC in 2 years: In the air-travel-metaphor of academic job searches, I fly with no baggage, no carryon fees, and no companions.
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Dr. Anakin sits high and mightily in her office while she condemns students to lives of misery and drudgery, washing out their husbands' underwear in filthy water. In addition, she is a horrible teacher. She welcomes you to Introduction to Biology!
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bama_belle
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« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2012, 10:06:39 AM » |
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My name is bama_belle and I have a helicopter parent. They say admittance is the first step to recovery, right?
Unbeknownst to me (at the time), my mother called my advisor during my first week in college (and probably more times that I don't know about). I was mortified when I found out. She had done stuff like that when I was in high school, but I thought, surely, that she would get a handle on it by the time I got to college. Fast forward a couple of years, and I am relocating for my first "real" job. At the time, I lived 6 hours away from my hometown, 3 hours away from where I was moving, and had 2 days to find an apartment in Job Town. My SO couldn't take off from work to go with me, so my mom offered to meet me in Job Town to look at apartments. Fine, I appreciated the help. While I was in Job Town, I needed to go by the University to sign my job offer letter. I was going to take my mom in the building to show her where I would be working. Bad call. She followed me everywhere asking random, borderline ridiculous questions, and even *insisted* that she go in with me to sign the job letter. I knew that I had two options: (1) let her go in (2) tell her no and watch her throw a tantrum. I went for the first option and my co-workers still pick at me about having my mommy with me to sign my job offer letter. Bleh.
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spork
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« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2012, 10:23:37 AM » |
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I would have rescinded the job offer on the spot. My name is bama_belle and I have a helicopter parent. They say admittance is the first step to recovery, right?
Unbeknownst to me (at the time), my mother called my advisor during my first week in college (and probably more times that I don't know about). I was mortified when I found out. She had done stuff like that when I was in high school, but I thought, surely, that she would get a handle on it by the time I got to college. Fast forward a couple of years, and I am relocating for my first "real" job. At the time, I lived 6 hours away from my hometown, 3 hours away from where I was moving, and had 2 days to find an apartment in Job Town. My SO couldn't take off from work to go with me, so my mom offered to meet me in Job Town to look at apartments. Fine, I appreciated the help. While I was in Job Town, I needed to go by the University to sign my job offer letter. I was going to take my mom in the building to show her where I would be working. Bad call. She followed me everywhere asking random, borderline ridiculous questions, and even *insisted* that she go in with me to sign the job letter. I knew that I had two options: (1) let her go in (2) tell her no and watch her throw a tantrum. I went for the first option and my co-workers still pick at me about having my mommy with me to sign my job offer letter. Bleh.
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a.k.a. gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket
"Please do not force people who are exhausted to take medication for hallucinations." -- Memo from the Chair, Department of White Privilege Studies, Fiork University
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whynotevolve
is testing the waters as a
Junior member
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« Reply #14 on: February 07, 2012, 10:39:56 AM » |
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bama_belle, You have to set limits and stick by them. It is not okay that you need to feel worried that your mother will throw a tantrum if you do not allow her to come with you.
As faculty, we also have a responsibility to set limits for parents. This helicopter parent problem is growing because as a society, we are allowing it. I pledge to tell every parent that contacts me that they are out of line. Better yet, I will have my mother contact them to voice her concern that I am being mistreated by their constant badgering. Maybe I will have her post for me on this forum, just to be sure that my point is being made.
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