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[atlchemist]

Atichemist, I relate to much of what you wrote, like the feeling of being impervious to interventions, whether therapeutic or medicinal.  I hope that the Lexapro and therapy helps.  If I may ask, what have you found helpful in therapy?  I am also doing CBT, and haven´t been at it long enough to know if it's helping things, but some of the relaxation techniques I've learned are definitely worth it.

I am not a great one to ask, as I sometimes feel that I am failing at therapy. I have considered quitting therapy several times, but my husband encourages me to keep it up as he thinks it helps.

The main thing I've taken away from my therapy is how I see situations. Someone asks me if I've finished my Ph.D. yet, and I automatically feel attacked because my Ph.D. is taking a lot longer than most. I am teaching myself that the person is most likely making small talk and to treat it that way. Also, I see every little setback in my research as evidence that I am a failure. My therapist is helping me to take the "learning" route vs. the "judging" route, i.e., "let's figure out why this experiment didn't go the way I planned, and try to learn something from it" vs. "another failed experiment! I will never graduate!"

Granted, I still struggle with this approach, but it is helping.

[mencia]

Prytania3, no, I really don't think I'm bipolar of any kind.  Just anxious. 

Atichemist, thanks for responding.  I'm learning through therapy just how hard I tend to be on myself, how perfectionistic, and how much I take things personally that may be just due to, per your example, someone making small talk.  Or from my own experience of teaching, a student having a bad day and having to deal with their own problems that have nothing to do with my ability as a teacher.  I'm going to start a regular mood log as my therapist suggested and see how that goes.  I'm trying to bypass my own resistance and be willing to experiment with her approach.  Regarding what your husband thinks, it's common, from what I've read, that other people recognize how therapy helps before we do ourselves.

[merinoblue]

I think exercise is the best (and cheapest) anxiolytic.  Mencia, when you're craving a smoke, have you ever tried going for a really short but brisk walk instead? (i.e. no more than 10 minutes)  It's a great high for little effort.  You feel good about yourself afterwards, and you look great (all that colour in the cheeks and the sheen from exertion.)

[prytania3]

Prytania3, no, I really don't think I'm bipolar of any kind.  Just anxious. 

Atichemist, thanks for responding.  I'm learning through therapy just how hard I tend to be on myself, how perfectionistic, and how much I take things personally that may be just due to, per your example, someone making small talk.  Or from my own experience of teaching, a student having a bad day and having to deal with their own problems that have nothing to do with my ability as a teacher.  I'm going to start a regular mood log as my therapist suggested and see how that goes.  I'm trying to bypass my own resistance and be willing to experiment with her approach.  Regarding what your husband thinks, it's common, from what I've read, that other people recognize how therapy helps before we do ourselves.

What is it they say about perfectionism? Oh yes, it's the highest form of self abuse. This paragraph makes you sound like the adult child of an alcoholic. You may not be--that's just how this paragraph sounds. If that's the case, try a 12-step program.

[promovenda]

What is it they say about perfectionism? Oh yes, it's the highest form of self abuse.

Thanks, Pry - I've never heard that, and it's helpful to me.

[krisanthe]

I had a really rough patch with anxiety last summer.  I felt anxious every day all day.  I was less anxious at the office because my mind was distracted by work.  Knowing that work would bring some relief from the anxiety was the only reason I was able to get out of bed in the morning.  I didn't have a specific reason for my anxiety so I thought "what's wrong with me? Why am I feeling like this?" and that thought process made the anxiety worse.

I felt nauseous and dizzy most of the time which caused me to lose my appetite and a bunch of weight.  This also made the anxiety worse because I thought something was physically wrong with me.

A read this book which helped tremendously because I began to understand why anxiety made me physically and emotionally feel the way it did.  It also provided tips on dealing with anxiety which I still use from time to time.

One thing that really helps me is getting my mind off of whatever is making me feel anxious.  I'll distract myself by cleaning,  painting my nails, or reading a book.  If that doesn't help, then I'll clear my mind by focusing on my breathing.  That always calms me down and helps me feel less anxious.

[mencia]

An update: I continue practicing deep breathing, exercising, even writing affirmations (which I still feel kind of funny doing), but the anxiety continues, and so, after the last visit with my psychiatrist, we're switching me from Lexapro to Effexor XR.  I hope it helps.  Sigh. 

[merinoblue]

I hope you'll experience a lessening of the anxiety with the change in medication.

You've probably done this already, but I wanted to ask whether you've looked at eliminating medications and plant/herbal supplements that might be contributing to the anxiety?  Caffeine is an obvious one. Sudafed is a powerful stimulant that can increase anxiety, as can the fluoroquinolone class of antibiotics (e.g. Cipro).  I once took a plant adaptogen (Rhodiola) during a stressful period of my life.  It was helpful but it also turned out to be a stimulant that created enormous anxiety (and insomnia).  As soon as I stopped taking it, the tremors and jumpiness that I experienced (and which I insisted to my skeptical therapist were not generated by emotional upset) stopped. I don't mean to suggest that it's that simple, just that it's worth looking at.

[mencia]

Thanks for writing, merinoblue.  I've already cut way down on my caffeine.  I just have half a cup of coffee in the mornings, although the coffee is pretty strong.  The big thing I need to cut down on is nicotine.  I don't smoke that much, but it can't be doing any good for my anxiety levels (among all the other reasons there are for quitting).  Other than that, I'm not taking anything else that could raise anxiety levels. Again, thanks for writing and suggesting that I take a look at my medications and supplements.  It's helpful.

[itried]

mencia, I don't have anything to add to others' posts, and it sounds like you're trying everything you know to try, but I just want to let you know I'm thinking of you. I know first-hand how frustrating, frightening, and debilitating severe anxiety is. It's probably difficult to see this now, but this really will improve with time and attention; hang in there and take extra good care of yourself.

[prof_smartypants]

I just want to chime in here. I have been an anxious person all my life, and did experience some panic attacks in my early twenties. For some reason, the doctor I was seeing never suggested any kind of anxiety meds.

It was not until I was having crippling neck and shoulder pain that a doctor finally got me on meds. It has changed my life! I have had no side effects at all, and my anxiety is totally manageable. No more waking up at 3 in the morning unable to turn off my brain. No more obsessing over things I can't control. No more silly perfectionism (although I'm still quite productive - probably more so).

I'm on citalopram, which is a generic for Celexa, if anyone is wondering. It worked so well that I got my husband on it, too. He's equally pleased.

[zarathustra]

Ha! I was just about to start a thread on anxiety when I saw this one. 

I started on Prozac in August, and overall it's been great.  I was also able to start exercising regularly, and with the Prozac and exercise working together, control my diet, so I'm eating better too.  Last semester was a breeze. 

The spring semester is always a challenge.  I knew going into it that there would be some events and situations that would trigger some anxiety.  I'm not paralyzed like before my pre-Prozac anxiety, but I feel twitchier. 

I can't decide if it's the good kind twitchiness (motivation?) or precursor to a relapse. 

The good thing is, in the process of typing this post, I realized that in the past I'd feel anxious if I didn't practice flute.  I've been exploring just how little I can practice and still function, but I'm rediscovering that I need to practice, as much as I hate to admit it.

[itried]

It's nice that one of the things you must do to manage your anxiety is play a musical instrument.