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[grasshopper]

FIVE YEARS -- FIVE years, not eight, to comps. As I  have said twice, I took a master's in my first program and changed to my current program FIVE years ago.

I agree, I've been out of the loop, and it's a huge problem. Thanks all for your advice, I appreciate it.

Five years is still a long time. You entered a PhD program, and got a Master's along the way. That's still 8 years with no comps, no matter how you break up that time into different categories.

You need to figure out whether or not you really want this. And if you do, you need to meet with your advisor on Monday, before she files any paperwork for comps 3 weeks from now, to determine what your next step will be. If you're not ready to write in 3 weeks, and she finds out after having submitted paperwork, she's going to be very annoyed.

... missing a deadline is not reason enough to throw someone out of the program.

Missing a deadline? This is not some extension on a term paper. The comps is the first major deadline, and after 8 years, she's still not prepared to write them.

But whatever your advisor's private opinion, I think it's unprofessional of her to make a fuss.  It's no skin off her nose.  She may wish to have a candid talk and tell you that you need to be more focused or else you won't make it through the program (in fact, that's what she should have done).  But don't mistake her emotional reaction for anything but her own inability to get perspective. As you must know, being a teaching specialist, if we let student flaws drive us round the bend, we'd all be around the bend all the time.

The advisor did tell her that she needed to focus and prep for the comps - LAST YEAR. After two years of prep time, Books4Jocks is still not ready. For the life of me, I can't figure out how any of this can be laid at the feet of the advisor.

[histchick]

OP, I haven't been in your exact situation, but there are some definite parallels. Like hegemony, I don't think it's vital for your advisor to believe in you, but simply to let go ahead.  That said, I do think it's necessary (from here on out) that you and your advisor are on the same page about your progress in the program. 

I sure as **** wouldn't give up until after comps.   As for any embarrassment that might follow if you decide to quit, the people who matter shouldn't care, and the others won't know anyway unless you tell them. 

[marigolds]

FIVE YEARS -- FIVE years, not eight, to comps. As I  have said twice, I took a master's in my first program and changed to my current program FIVE years ago.

I agree, I've been out of the loop, and it's a huge problem. Thanks all for your advice, I appreciate it.

Five years is still a long time. You entered a PhD program, and got a Master's along the way. That's still 8 years with no comps, no matter how you break up that time into different categories.

I think she said she entered as a direct admit, with a Master's already earned at another institution?  So she's 5 years in without taking comps. (And in my small experience, direct admits usually take just as long to complete as students who entered with only a BA.)  But that's beside the point, because all of us took our comps by year four at the latest.

I agree with the rest of what you say, though, Grassy.

OP, I had a baby during my process, and I'm an 8th year doctoral student in English (avg. time to degree is 9 years, so I'm right on target!), so I feel you. And two kids would slow it down even more.  But it honestly sounds like you're Just Not That Into the PhD--and that's OK.  It's your life; do what you want, not what you feel like you "should" do.

If you were diagnosed with aggressive cancer tomorrow and given a 3-year prognosis, would you continue on in grade school?

[histchick]

OP, I'm a little confused.  On another thread you indicated that you had changed advisors because you wanted to work with someone who was a "smart and steady guide."  Is this person your current advisor?  If so, when you have your talk with her you might want to indicate that you do believe her to both that smart and steady person. and that you value her honest opinion of your future in the program. 

By the way, does your program have a hard and fast time limit for finishing?  You might want to check that out while working on your diss timeline.   

[grasshopper]

FIVE YEARS -- FIVE years, not eight, to comps. As I  have said twice, I took a master's in my first program and changed to my current program FIVE years ago.

I agree, I've been out of the loop, and it's a huge problem. Thanks all for your advice, I appreciate it.

Five years is still a long time. You entered a PhD program, and got a Master's along the way. That's still 8 years with no comps, no matter how you break up that time into different categories.

I think she said she entered as a direct admit, with a Master's already earned at another institution?  So she's 5 years in without taking comps.

I started grad school 8 years ago in a humanities PhD program [...] After three years, I took a master's [...]

It's all very confusing. Two different programs... one program... who knows. Whatever the case, she's way behind deadline, and isn't communicating with her advisor.

[peppergal]

Just a thought on why the advisor "lost it" when the OP wanted to schedule comps three weeks away:

Both in the program from which I got my PhD and the program I am currently affiliated with have a lead time of at least six months to schedule comps.  You might not have an exact date, but in May you will inform your committee "I intend to take my comps in December".  This gives the committee time to go over your reading list and suggest things to fill gaps, and also gives the committee plenty of time to schedule the actual exam around teaching/conference/sabbatical schedules.  The paperwork with the actual date of the comps is filed 1-2 months in advance.  So it might be that the advisor is thinking "I haven't heard from this student in X weeks, and now she wants to take comps in 3 weeks, and I don't think she's ready, and committee member Y is on sabbatical, and how are we supposed to find a time that works around all our teaching schedules anyway?"

[adjunctprincipessa]

Since your field is in education, and research isn't your strength, would it be possible for you to complete an Ed.D?   

[sugaree]

OP, you have our permission to quit. For the life of me, I cannot understand the whole "finish what I start" mindset when it comes to something as potentially miserable as a PhD - and it is truly miserable if you aren't passionate about research, because a PhD is a research degree. That's what it is about!

Your advisor didn't blow up at you because of this one missed deadline; your advisor blew up because it's sounds like you've been screwing up for awhile now (in terms of the degree, at least, if not really in life, of course) and, if you really want to succeed in completing the degree, she needs to kick your butt to help you do it. But it doesn't sound like you really want to succeed in completing the degree, so why do you continue to torture yourself? There is no shame is quitting - a doctorate is not for everyone.

[madhatter]

By the way, does your program have a hard and fast time limit for finishing?  You might want to check that out while working on your diss timeline.   

I echo this. You may be in danger of timing out. This will be the university's policy - you need to check with the registrar's office to see how much more time you have before you are automatically expelled.

[tinyzombie]

OP, you started this thread ten days ago.

What have you accomplished on this front since then?

[betterslac]

You've spent 8 years of your life in one program or another in graduate school. You say you like teaching but not research and writing. You are geographically limited and seem to think (from your original post) that somehow you will be able to get a full time position in the place where you now teach if you could only get a Ph.D. You have purposely kept a low profile, haven't communicated with your advisor, "half-assed" the scholarship part and (rightfully) had to pay attention to your growing family.

It's time to fully commit or cut bait, and (even if they have promised you) not count on being able to get a full time position where you now teach. The question is, given your lack of enthusiasm for scholarship, your geographical limitations and your family, is it worth your full commitment?  Or are there other things you can do that would be as fulfilling and not necessitate having to make the sacrifices necessary to complete this program?  Put embarrassment aside-- nobody will notice but you if you leave the program. In cold, hard terms, is it worth it?  If not, then think of this as a new start.