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[rose_fingered_dawn]

Warning: this is long and ramble-y. I'm sorry. I'm in the first year of a Classics graduate program. I had a pretty miserable first term, where I questioned my choice of school, field, and career path. Things got better after I saw that I did well in my classes and this semester is calmer, but I'm still seriously considering leaving after fulfilling MA requirements and not going on to a PhD. I have two main reasons: 1) Grades-wise I do really well, but I don't have too many original thoughts about my field or about any topics (nobody else has pointed this out, so maybe there's some imposter syndrome at play) and don't feel motivated to submit to conferences and speak out in class that much. Whereas my peers are often really excited about what we're studying and are eager to contribute, I tend to not display the same enthusiasm. I don't want to be a mediocre scholar and while it seems that I'd do better at a school that emphasizes teaching rather than research if I go through the PhD process, I am still not sure I'll do very well in the field in terms of getting an academic job in the first place. I just don't have, anymore, that drive that I see other students having. I don't think and breathe Classics like they do and for me it's just work, not life, now. It wasn't always this way though. 2) I don't want to live in undesirable locations for a job.

What are my reasons for staying? I've never done anything aside from be a student, so I don't know whether I actually want to be out in the big, scary world. Academia is comfortable and familiar, there's a pattern and a rhythm, and I feel safe in it. I am also deathly afraid that jobs in the "real world" won't have the kind of intellectual and creative challenge that academia presents. I just can't think of what I could do out there that would ever come close to how much fun and stimulating academia can be. I love being around exceptionally smart people and attending talks and conferences and having the chance to read and the freedom to structure my work in the way I want and from knowing several professors on a personal basis, I know how they would never exchange their jobs for anything in the "real world."

I know it is premature to be thinking about these things, and I still have a year of coursework after this term to meet MA requirements, but I'm thinking about this now because I am starting to volunteer to build some skills to get a job after an MA, and I am stretched really thin. I necessarily have to shift my focus a bit away from school, and I can't figure out whether I should or not given the above. Have other people felt this way in grad school?

[hipgeek]

Rose_fingered_dawn, You don't need to make this decision right now.  First, decide whether or not you want the MA.  At the same time, be investigating other career opportunities you may find interesting.  Perhaps in the summer you could intern somewhere that may appeal to you (a museum, an archive, a non-profit...?)  I can't say for sure what places you may enjoy--but get creative.  At any of those places you could find yourself amongst creative, intellectually stimulating people.  Also, you can find creative, intellectually stimulating people in many places---you don't have to make your work your passion; many people doqn't and live very happy, rich and rewarding lives just the same.

Are you funded?  Receiving an assitantship?  I ask because I wonder whether or not it's costing you anything to stay put for now until you've made a decision.

I see you're volunteering to build skills and that's wonderful but if you are stretched thin, perhaps you could cut the volunteer hours or shift them into the summer exclusively.

As to the original thoughts concern, I wonder if this gets overblown a bit and if the anxiety about it is feeding into an imposter syndrome issue.  I think it can be hard to find a truly original perspective on a work, especially the classics.  There are some tricks to this that I'm sure your profs will be happy to share if you ask them for help--moreover, I'd advise asking it during a seminar since I'm positive you're not the onlsy3

[larryc]

2) I don't want to live in undesirable locations for a job.

Leave.

What are my reasons for staying? I've never done anything aside from be a student, so I don't know whether I actually want to be out in the big, scary world. Academia is comfortable and familiar, there's a pattern and a rhythm, and I feel safe in it. I am also deathly afraid that jobs in the "real world" won't have the kind of intellectual and creative challenge that academia presents.

These are actually additional reasons you should leave.

from knowing several professors on a personal basis, I know how they would never exchange their jobs for anything in the "real world."

Of course we would not. We bought a lottery ticket and won. Somebody wins. That does not make lottery tickets a sound investment.

Finish the MA if you like, but don't wait until you are done to explore other options. Start formulating your Plans B and C right now.

[polly_mer]

I don't think and breathe Classics like they do and for me it's just work, not life, now. It wasn't always this way though.

Leave. 

As LarryC wrote, professors in your area have won the lottery; of course they wouldn't change.

On the other hand, lots of people love the classics and do interesting things that earn money, but aren't professors.  For example, you do not have to be a professor to go to conferences in the classics or read the literature.  You can join societies and have fabulous discussions once a year (or once every three years depending on budget) without being a professor.  You can just read the classics and talk with them with your classics-focused book club (I guarantee you that such things exists).

You say you don't know what people do outside of academia.  If you get this doctorate after years of long work and don't win the lottery, then you will still have to find out.  Why not find out now? 

These are good ideas. 

Perhaps in the summer you could intern somewhere that may appeal to you (a museum, an archive, a non-profit...?)  I can't say for sure what places you may enjoy--but get creative.  At any of those places you could find yourself amongst creative, intellectually stimulating people. 

Lots of places have need for smart people who can do research, write well, and solve problems.  A master's degree in anything will often get you entry into those places.  In addition to these suggestions, the government has many openings if you stretch your mind and spend your summers in internships. 

Think of the transferable skills you have.  Are you open to getting more training so that you could be an information specialist in something?  Can you leverage your language skills into something?  Are you a people person who can coordinate efforts?  Are you a fast and accurate reader who can summarize complex documents for a less-educated audience?  All of those things are useful in the right places and you won't be doing a boring punch-the-clock job.

Don't stay just because you can't think of anything else to do.  That is the worst possible reason to get a degree that has a poor probability of being hired for that particular degree.

[heynonnynonnymouse]

Finish the Master's (if it's not costing you anything but time) and then leave. It's what I did. I got a nice job working in industry. I enjoyed it. I made good money. Then, some years later, I went back into academia and am now finishing up my PhD with the passion and interest I *didn't* have originally.

[punchnpie]

See your PM.

[watermarkup]

Here's another vote for leaving after your MA. Lots of people find jobs where they think creatively about interesting projects in a team of intelligent people. Maybe you'll find you actually don't mind a more rigid schedule. Go take some time to find out what people do after college.

If you decide a year or five from now that you really love classics after all, grad school will still be there. While I was in grad school, a student who had left with an MA was readmitted to the PhD program. I don't know how common it is, but it's certainly not unprecedented.

But everything you write sounds like excellent reasons for leaving grad school.

[ticklemepink]

Don't you think your classmates were scared to leave academia when they graduated?  I will bet you that they were just as scared as you are thinking about it right now.  They're doing okay, I bet.  They learned to survive.  So why should to make yourself an exception as you seem to make yourself in that post?

If your degree is funded, then stay until you get the degree. A MA does help with promotions and getting entry level positions in learned societies and organizations as a MA demonstrates an understanding that you know how to deal with academics.  If it's not funded, then leave as soon as you can if you truly feel this way- that you just can't share passion for Classics as much as your colleagues.  Graduate school is difficult and miserable enough as it is if you look at it as work, not time to be creative.

I completely agree with comments on professors- don't even think about discussing non-academic opportunities with them unless their CVs show some kind of fieldwork experience (like digs) that you may be interested in.  They will be utterly useless, I can assure you.

[lyndonparker]

Leave. If you aren't happy, that is a sign, especially in a field with few t-t jobs.

[gradstudentanon]

Take advantage of your university's career counseling services and get some free advice. Why did you want to pursue a Classics PhD in the first place? What about it attracted you (beyond the Classics themselves)? There may well be many other career fields you can pursue that have some of those qualities.

[toothpaste]

You should finish your MA but make plans for an alternative career while you are still in school.

Some useful books to think about how to make this break are:

Basalla and Debelius, So What Are You Going to do with That?

Jellison, Life after Grad School: Getting from A to B

There is no need to pursue a PhD in a field you do not love. When you are MA equipped you will have all you need to read classics on your own in your spare time.

[rose_fingered_dawn]

Thanks for the comments, everybody. I'm funded, and I want to finish my MA. I think I will have more opportunities that way, and it also leaves me the possibility of coming back to classics.

I've looked into a few career options but they all require further schooling! All careers seem so specialized now. I am thinking of going into arts administration and am volunteering with the opera program at school. I'm in a great city to work in the arts, it's just a matter for building a network and getting appropriate skills, because I don't think anything I do in classics will transfer well - I don't have management experience, I don't have a background in music. The other option was library work or going into publishing, since I used to write for the school paper for a long time. Publishing seems very glutted and competitive and I don't think I'll get to a position where I can have autonomy and creativity for a very long time, or job security, and library work would require further schooling, which I don't want to do.

This fear makes me want to stay in classics more. There's not much I can do now without having to start over from scratch. And maybe the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.

[larryc]

I am thinking that a classics MA and an IMLS would land you a job in a university library.  But it is not my field--what do our forum librarians think?

[ideagirl]

I am thinking of going into arts administration and am volunteering with the opera program at school. I'm in a great city to work in the arts, it's just a matter for building a network and getting appropriate skills, because I don't think anything I do in classics will transfer well - I don't have management experience, I don't have a background in music.

It sounds like you have already sketched out a path to where you want to be. You're in a great city for the arts. You're volunteering with an opera program. You know you need to build a network and get appropriate skills, and volunteering with the opera program is a first step. Look for more volunteer work, or if there are simpatico people at the opera program, work on strengthening your ties with them, especially if you know they have good connections. You don't have management experience; well, keep volunteering--in a strategic way--and you can get some. You don't have a background in music; well, you're volunteering for the opera program, aren't you? Keep on going in that direction.

And yeah, since it's funded, finish the MA. But maybe dial back just a touch on your classwork, since you're doing well and you could put the extra time and energy into volunteering and building your network in the arts community.

The other option was library work or going into publishing, since I used to write for the school paper for a long time. Publishing seems very glutted and competitive and I don't think I'll get to a position where I can have autonomy and creativity for a very long time, or job security, and library work would require further schooling, which I don't want to do.

You sound glum when you talk about publishing or library science. Don't put time and energy into something that makes you glum. In contrast, you are obviously into the arts; your enthusiasm comes through. Focus on what you're already into. Working (which includes volunteering) at something you care about gives you the energy to push through the difficult parts and the enthusiasm to feel, during the times that things aren't difficult, like you've really got the wind at your back.

This fear makes me want to stay in classics more. There's not much I can do now without having to start over from scratch. And maybe the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.

The fact that you can do classics now is not enough to make for a happy life. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I understand maybe 10% of classics PhD's are actually going to end up with a TT job. And of that 10%, how many of them are going to end up with a TT job in a city where you would be happy living? A city with a great arts scene, etc? The numbers are vanishingly small.

So I guess my point is that fear of the unknown is a really bad reason to continue doing a degree that will almost certainly not lead to a job that would make you happy (since by sheer statistics, you are probably among the 90% who won't get TT jobs and almost certainly among the 95%-98% who will either not get TT jobs at all or will only get them in places you wouldn't really want to live). And having a PhD wouldn't help you get the arts-related, nonacademic job that you'd be happy doing; it would just delay by another 4 years or so the inevitable day when you start looking for that job. Meaning that it would take you 4 years longer to reach the point you want to reach. If you spend that same time working your way up in some arts organization, you'll be a lot further along.

And my other point is that you're actually in a great situation: You're being paid to live in a city with a great arts scene. You're being paid to get a degree that's sufficiently impressive to stand out, yet--unlike the PhD--not so hyperspecialized that people think you're not qualified to do much else. And you've realized, with plenty of time to spare, that doing the actual PhD is not for you. AND you even know what you need to work on: your network, your management skills, maybe your background in music! So go for it! Yay!

[rose_fingered_dawn]

I am thinking that a classics MA and an IMLS would land you a job in a university library.  But it is not my field--what do our forum librarians think?

By IMLS, do you mean a library sciences degree? I can't do any more schooling. I finish MA requirements in September 2013. The way the program is organized, I am spending terms doing heavy course loads and the summers studying for qualifying exams, which I have to pass by September 2013, in addition to some research that also fits in as part of the MA requirements, which is in addition to coursework. I'll be in my late twenties when I finish this off (I did something else in school and had a degree in that before I started up with classics). I don't have the savings or stamina to do more school. I'll be 30 if I go down that route of starting a library sciences degree. I decided some time ago that it's either a Classics PhD or no more school...

ideagirl, thank you for what you said! It's lessened my feelings of sheer panic somewhat. I've frequently been reduced to tears by this program and I wish I could rewind and make better decisions! I am really hoping that volunteering does help me get my foot in the door. At any rate, the person I interviewed with for my volunteer position really liked my background and reminisced about his days as a schoolboy reading Caesar and Virgil!