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[dr_zack]

I was lucky enough to land a TT position at a college I am happy with within 6 months of getting my PhD. I have been successful in many respects; publishing, high teaching evaluations, and solid service.  But, I am coming up for 4th year review, and had a recent meeting with my chair who voiced his concerns about my "fit" within the department (apparently several faculty are questioning my "loyalty" or something). Without getting too detailed, I am embedded in a department that has a totally different discipline than I do.  I was hired to be the "outsider" and to start to merge two disciplines, mine and theirs.  There has been some success there, but I feel it's rather limited in potential, and I have pretty much moved forward doing my own thing. I have tried to stay out of all drama and politics, and I feel this issue is just nitpicking on their part. 

However, it's all made me rethink my place in academia -- not to mention that for he last year or so I just feel as if I am not really doing what I "should" be doing with my life and have untapped potential and interests. I also cannot see myself staying at this school or in this town forever.  But, I feel I could likely get tenure if I "played" it right.

I checked with my union and if I resigned now my contract would be honored until it expired in a year and a half.  Would I be crazy to do such a thing and take that time to "plan a new start"?  Ideas?  Thoughts?

[txgalprof]

Can you not apply for jobs that are closer to your discipline and pursue tenure at your current institution at the same time?

[dr_zack]

I can but jobs in my discipline are very few and far between . . . and while I love teaching and writing (what I want and not under pressure), I could care less about the other aspects of being a professor. Part of me knows I want to leave, and yet part of me feels stupid because I really have it very good. :)

[aside]

I checked with my union and if I resigned now my contract would be honored until it expired in a year and a half.  Would I be crazy to do such a thing and take that time to "plan a new start"?  Ideas?  Thoughts?

I don't see the sense in resigning now if you plan to stay for a year and a half, unless that much notice is required by your contract, or unless you want to resign before you are released.  Give yourself as much time as you can before making a drastic decision.

[glowdart]

I wouldn't make any decisions right now -- it could be that your fourth year review goes fine or it could be that they are feeling the same weirdness that you've described.  

I also wouldn't resign a year and a half in advance -- if you make your own decision in your head that you want to go, then make that mentally and start planning, but if you resign before your 4th year review or well in advance, then all kinds of shenanigans could happen.  

And the ennui you describe is pretty normal, I think, for the middle of the tenure track. I felt like I had sort of missed years of my life, which I know I enjoyed while I was living them, but I found myself in years 3-4-5 thinking, "Um, Okay.  Now what?  Hmm.  This grind is a grind, and it's no longer a grind with clear goals because I have enough for tenure... it's just a grind.  Do I want this grind?  I need new goals."  All the chaos and go-go-go-go of grad school and the new TT job settle down and you're faced with... well... wherever you landed.  The preps aren't new anymore.  The colleagues aren't new.  You've explored your town.  A lifetime of moving towards goals and moving on have come to a halt.  It's a rough stretch.  

So, I would start exploring options - sometimes that act allows you to clarify that you do want to stay but that you need to shift the focus of your job - sometimes you learn what you want to do and why leaving is a good idea.  Just don't tell anyone while you're exploring.  Your colleagues sound like they like loyal people.  

Good luck.  

[dr_zack]

Thanks glowdart -- that is great advice -- and well described.  :-) 

I guess in my head I thought that if I resigned now I would feel more free to put time into finding new opportunities, but I'm not sure how much logic or reality is really in that thinking.

[tuxedo_cat]

I guess this depends on whether you have *any* idea what else you could do to support yourself long term.  You don't strike me as a flighty sort of person, so I'm assuming there are some non-academic professional options for you.

Unless going to grad school is already Act 2 or 3 for you professionally, I'm going to guess that you're still pretty young, yes?  If you think you'd like to reinvent yourself careerwise, why not just wait?  Stick things out through the tenure process to see if you can secure that for yourself, and in the meantime, be thinking about and perhaps doing some concrete work on Plan B.  I understand the impulse to jump ship early, but you will be . . . jumping ship, yeah?  Do you really want to do that?   

You have a distinct luxury in being able to consider a career transition without the daily stresses of a toxic job / horrible colleagues.  Take advantage of that.

[msparticularity]

Dr_zack, IRIC, you and I started on the TT at the same time (the 2008 cohort, yes?), and I agree that this is the time when we can--and should--pause and take stock of where (and who) we are and what we want. I, too, have had some moments in the last year that have made me stop and think about the degree to which I am a good fit in my current situation--and in my case this was intensified by state-level and institutional fiscal chaos. You seem to think that this position is your one-and-only chance at an academic career, but is that realistic? And would anything be lost, really, if you just spent the next year checking out the possibilities?

Also, do I recall correctly that your partner is still in another location--on the West Coast? Is the wish to rejoin him a part of this? If so, I will be very happy to validate that choice, which I think is perfectly legitimate!

[flotsam]

while I love teaching and writing (what I want and not under pressure), I could care less about the other aspects of being a professor. Part of me knows I want to leave, and yet part of me feels stupid because I really have it very good. :)

For the love of God, please leave this position.  I don't know what your field is, but surely it has people who care a great deal about being a professor.  You are doing positive damage to the field, as well as to the lives of these others, by occupying a position many would likely kill for.  Go away, and let people who want to be professors actually be professors.  It sounds like you'd be happier as well.

[tuxedo_cat]

while I love teaching and writing (what I want and not under pressure), I could care less about the other aspects of being a professor. Part of me knows I want to leave, and yet part of me feels stupid because I really have it very good. :)

For the love of God, please leave this position.  I don't know what your field is, but surely it has people who care a great deal about being a professor.  You are doing positive damage to the field, as well as to the lives of these others, by occupying a position many would likely kill for.  Go away, and let people who want to be professors actually be professors.  It sounds like you'd be happier as well.

Uhhh, seriously?  The other aspects of being a professor are . . . committee work and other service stuff.  Maybe some research activities, which of course aren't even required at some schools.  If everyone in the profession who felt indifferent or even openly hostile to committee work were advised to abandon the profession, I guess there would be a lot more jobs available!

[lurkingfear]

while I love teaching and writing (what I want and not under pressure), I could care less about the other aspects of being a professor. Part of me knows I want to leave, and yet part of me feels stupid because I really have it very good. :)

For the love of God, please leave this position.  I don't know what your field is, but surely it has people who care a great deal about being a professor.  You are doing positive damage to the field, as well as to the lives of these others, by occupying a position many would likely kill for.  Go away, and let people who want to be professors actually be professors.  It sounds like you'd be happier as well.

This is not helpful.

[glowdart]

while I love teaching and writing (what I want and not under pressure), I could care less about the other aspects of being a professor. Part of me knows I want to leave, and yet part of me feels stupid because I really have it very good. :)

For the love of God, please leave this position.  I don't know what your field is, but surely it has people who care a great deal about being a professor.  You are doing positive damage to the field, as well as to the lives of these others, by occupying a position many would likely kill for.  Go away, and let people who want to be professors actually be professors.  It sounds like you'd be happier as well.

Uhhh, seriously?  The other aspects of being a professor are . . . committee work and other service stuff.  Maybe some research activities, which of course aren't even required at some schools.  If everyone in the profession who felt indifferent or even openly hostile to committee work were advised to abandon the profession, I guess there would be a lot more jobs available!

And those first few years of committee work and service can be miserable because you don't know where the bodies are buried, you don't know the layout of the turf battles, you don't know enough about the institution yet to be invested in the color of the entrance hall carpet in the library, and you don't have enough connections or knowledge of what needs to be done to carve out or create service tasks that you care about, so you're doing random s*** that doesn't interest you and may not be making use of your talents.  The number of times I had to tell people that my degree in X did NOT mean that I enjoyed doing or was good at Thing Society Assumes of Xers... we all have our skills and talents, and you're not often getting slotted into roles where you can exploit those early on in the TT.   

[no_quarter]

while I love teaching and writing (what I want and not under pressure), I could care less about the other aspects of being a professor. Part of me knows I want to leave, and yet part of me feels stupid because I really have it very good. :)

For the love of God, please leave this position.  I don't know what your field is, but surely it has people who care a great deal about being a professor.  You are doing positive damage to the field, as well as to the lives of these others, by occupying a position many would likely kill for.  Go away, and let people who want to be professors actually be professors.  It sounds like you'd be happier as well.

I don't blame dr_zach. I blame anyone who allowed dr_zach to get this far. Deadwood setting in. I agree with you flotsam, the poster should leave. The lack of perspective is disturbing.

[turnip123]

I have to disagree with flostam and no-quarter. What Zack is describing sounds pretty normal. If you care about what you do and want to be challenged, then it's good to make honest assessments of what you like and don't like, and then go from there. Deadwood people just don't give a sh*t, period, and I would not say that Zack is anywhere near that.

[flotsam]

I certainly meant no offense, and I do in fact mean to be helpful.  In the original post, dr_zack says "for he last year or so I just feel as if I am not really doing what I 'should' be doing with my life and have untapped potential and interests," and in the follow-up dr_zack added the line I quoted before.  This clearly adds up to someone being unhappy with the life of a TT or tenured professor.  "Leaving the TT" seems to be the right thing for dr_zack to do, and I applaud his or her decision to do so.  Indeed, each of dr_zack's posts here have indicated that he or she really wants to leave the TT, and so I think dr_zack ought to be empowered to make this choice.

As a more general matter, every profession or job would have aspects one likes and others one does not like.  But I'm in a profession (that of a college professor) in which there are far fewer TT and tenured positions available to the many who are qualified and who desperately desire them.  Therefore I do not want to see such positions being held either by those, like dr_zack, who don't want to be there at all, or by those (and I did not imply dr_zack is in this group) who would simply use or misuse the TT- or tentured position as a sinecure from which to pursue largely personal interests.  A TT- or tenured college professor does more than teach; if you want only to teach, leave the TT.  A TT- or tenured professor cannot simply "write what he or she wants and not under pressure"; if you wish to do this, leave the TT.  

There's no shame whatsoever in saying that, although I have a PhD and have worked as a professor, I decided to become a teacher, a writer, or a member of whatever other "non-professor" occupation I choose.  Best wishes for your new, more satisfying, career.