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[hellomarcy]

I have been offered admission to a PhD program and funds to cover travel costs to visit campus soon. My questions are:

(1) What is expected of the prospective doctoral student in terms of etiquette? For example, what do I wear? How nosy (or frank) can I be with my questions?

(2) What was your experience like?

(3) And, after spending time and money on your visit, how do faculty feel if you do not accept their offer of admission? Do they hold a grudge years later? Academia is a small world, especially in my sub-field, so I would think you'd be bound to meet again sooner or later.

Thanks!

[johnr]

No one will hold a grudge.  There are likely many more candidates in line to accept the space and/or assistantship that has been offered to you.  Everybody knows that you didn't just apply to one place.  Your not going to be the first, or even the 100th student to reject an offer, and you're not going to be the last. 

That being said, please DO ask questions. I cannot tell you the number of potential students who have come into my office and then just sat there like a bump on a log, completely unprepared.  No questions, no idea, no clue.  Ask about teaching loads, potential research projects, ask to see a lab or two, ask to talk to other grad students...ASK!

Finally, be nice.  Act as though it is your privilege to be offered a position.  Thank your faculty and staff hosts for showing you around and taking time out of their busy schedule to talk to you.

[tuxedo_cat]

Have you been offered a good funding package at this school?  and +1 on all of johnr's excellent advice.

[hellomarcy]

Finally, be nice.  Act as though it is your privilege to be offered a position.  Thank your faculty and staff hosts for showing you around and taking time out of their busy schedule to talk to you.

I do think it is a privilege to be offered a position, and I have been very appreciative in my emails. I also plan on asking lots of questions to make sure that I'll be comfortable there for the next 4+ years. Thanks for your input!

[hellomarcy]

Have you been offered a good funding package at this school?  and +1 on all of johnr's excellent advice.

Not yet. It's early, I guess. I've been told that I will be recommended for a fellowship but nothing in writing yet.

[wet_blanket]

If it's not on the schedule, try to get some time to talk with the students.  They're likely to give you information you won't get from professors.

[seniorscholar]

If it's not on the schedule, try to get some time to talk with the students.  They're likely to give you information you won't get from professors.

Indeed, if no one offers, one of the questions to ask the director of graduate studies or whoever it is you're talking to is "could you suggest some students in the field I could chat with for a while?"

(When I was DGS and someone showed up for a visit, I generally led the visitor up to the grad student lounge at the end of our conversation, stuck my head in, and said "so-and-so is a prospective student in [name of general subfield] -- be nice to him/her for a while, would you?")

[histchick]

OP,

In my Ph.D. program, candidates who made campus visits did so on their own, so I can't speak to the circumstances of your invitation...

That said, in your position, I would go with nice but comfortable outfit - slacks with blouse, twinset (or "dressy" sort of cardigan) and flat or low heels (you might be walking quite a bit on this visit).  When in doubt, my theory is to dress up a little rather than down.  But that's me. 

Best of luck on the decision and on your visit(s)!

[scampster]

(3) And, after spending time and money on your visit, how do faculty feel if you do not accept their offer of admission? Do they hold a grudge years later? Academia is a small world, especially in my sub-field, so I would think you'd be bound to meet again sooner or later.

One of my informal mentors is someone who offered me a position in her lab that I turned down. We see each other at conferences and usually have a nice chat and I often e-mail her when I am making career decisions to get an outsiders opinion and she tells me like it is, something I really appreciate.

On the other hand, most of the other faculty members that offered me positions in their lab don't even remember that they did so after a few years. We're really not that important or memorable for the most part.

I have heard stories about faculty members that have said not-nice things to graduate students who turned them down, but those faculty members generally have a rep for being kinda of a jerk anyway, so the potential students dodged a bullet, IMHO.

[lohai0]

A lot of our prospective graduate students sit in on a class when they visit. They say it is helpful and we like it because we get a day of Company Behavior from the faculty. But if we tell you that you really don't want to sit in the awful theory seminar, we are telling the absolute unvarnished truth. I think that seminar scared away several prospective students last year who didn't believe us.

[merinoblue]

If it's not on the schedule, try to get some time to talk with the students.  They're likely to give you information you won't get from professors.

This is really important.  You'll find out how happy or unhappy students are with the program, their supervision, the funding situation, and so on.  Don't be afraid to ask them what they think about these things, and if they could do it over, would they do their PhD at this institution and in this department, or another.  You should also take the opportunity to get a reality check on your own ideas of what your PhD might look like (e.g. "I'm hoping I could finish it in 5 years / get teaching experience / get grant-writing experience / focus on X...is this the kind of program I could do this in?").  And then you might also want to ask about post-PhD employment. What percentage of students go onto a postdoc?  A tenure-track position? A job outside of academic? Adjuncting? Unemployment?  The students might not know the numbers, but they can tell you who's doing what in which cohort. Finally, ask about the track record of your proposed supervisor/supervisors.  Do his/her students get teaching/grant writing/publishing experience during the PhD? Are they happy? Frustrated? Broke?

I turned down a postdoc because of some of the frank comments that the PI's students and postdocs made about him.  It was eye-opening.   I've also advised two prospective doctoral students away from my PhD program because it wasn't what they were hoping for.   You will get valuable comments from students in your prospective program.

As for being concerned about how folks will react if you turn down their offer, just be gracious.  It will go a long way, and you'll be remembered for your class, not for turning down the offer.

[hellomarcy]

As for being concerned about how folks will react if you turn down their offer, just be gracious.  It will go a long way, and you'll be remembered for your class, not for turning down the offer.

Thanks for this. I know I'm not obligated to accept their offer, but I just feel a tad bit guilty because they're paying for the whole trip (must be a girl thing, kind of like dating, you know?).

The other thing is that I'm still waiting for more decisions to come in, and I feel fairly confident right now because this first acceptance is at a Top 10 university for my sub-field.

[merinoblue]

Thanks for this. I know I'm not obligated to accept their offer, but I just feel a tad bit guilty because they're paying for the whole trip (must be a girl thing, kind of like dating, you know?).

That's funny.

It's nice to be courted. I don't think it happens that often for a potential PhD student (at least, not in Canada--I've never heard of anyone here having that experience, though it might be quite common in the US).  If it helps to vanquish the guilt, think of the visit as the first step in establishing a potential network for collaboration down the road.  You just never know how these first contacts with faculty and students might turn into valuable relationships (either professional or personal). Everyone you meet is a potential resource, ally, or colleague.

[2clueless]

Thanks for this. I know I'm not obligated to accept their offer, but I just feel a tad bit guilty because they're paying for the whole trip (must be a girl thing, kind of like dating, you know?).

This made me laugh - I understand what you mean. Perhaps it might help to look at their generosity in context of the financial stability of the department and the sub-field; during your visit, ask about not only students' direct funding (e.g., stipends, fellowships versus funding through TA-ships, etc.), but also the additional opportunities and benefits available to their graduate students (e.g., funding for travel to domestic and international conferences, available technology, funding for software if needed for research, etc.) Given the current economy and the influence on universities' financial resources, a department's ability to pay for a visit is suggestive of their financial security, but obviously not a guarantee.

It can be difficult to turn down offers, no question. If you let a school/advisor know as soon as you decide that their offer is no longer in the running, it will allow them (potentially) to extend an offer to another student and is generally considered good form. Enjoy your visit and good luck with the rest of your applications!