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[lab_gal]

Hrmph.

I'm a new faculty member, co-PIing a grant with two of my collaborators, X and Y. Y's postdoc is PostdocY. PostdocY is participating heavily in the grant.

An email from PostdocY:

       "Dear Dr. X and MyFirstName,"

It goes without saying that Dr. X is a man and tenured, but, also, he is not so senior - and he signs his emails FirstNameX. I know Dr. X well, and he would never request someone call him Dr. X, though he may not explicitly correct them to FirstNameX (but I did not explicitly correct PostdocY to MyFirstName either!). I am young, female, and PostdocY has a few years on me.

I would not expect any postdoc to call me "Dr", and I have NEVER been picky in any way about my title, but I take offense to this. It wasn't just his using one title in one email and then forgetting it in another. He made a conscious decision to call me by my first name while using Dr. for the other person.

I've come up with the following options:

1. Ignore it
2. Reply normally and sign my email "Dr. MyLastName"
3. Casually mention that I noticed he addressed Dr. X as Dr. X, and that seemed unusual - does Dr. X prefer not to be called by his first name?

Grrrr.

ETA my gender

[helpful]

#1. And get over it. (perhaps find a isolated location and screaming might help cleanse your anger)

[science_expat]

Another vote for 1.

I'm currently getting a variation of this, a secretary emailing me as Science stating that she's been asked to arrange a meeting with Prof X and firstnameY.

Prof X is higher up the chain than me but I'm also a full professor. FirstnameY doesn't have a doctorate. I'm annoyed but life's too short.

[ruralguy]

I say 2. This happens a lot at my SLAC (the female faculty are most often addressed as "Mrs."). Though I am sometimes called "Mr.", I am sure I am not called this as much as female faculty are called "mrs." or "Miss".

But, some reducation is needed. The students don't mean to be jerks, but they are so used to women in educational roles being called "mrs.". For some reason then, attaching the title "Dr." seems easier for them when the instructor is a male (and, even when they don't have a doctorate!).

I know its different with post-docs, but I think you are facing similar cultural issues.

So, sign things as Dr. if that is the common pratice. If it isn't, then "1" is probably a better idea for your place of work.

I recall having worked in a government lab a number of years ago. Basically, everyone but a couple of secretaries and custodians had PhD.s. So, as a result, nobody called anybody Dr., since it was just assumed,
and it sounded super pretentious when people insisted on the title.

[offthemarket]

#2. You've got to assert now, or it will just perpetuate itself.

[hungry_ghost]

1. Don't ignore--he'll do it again, to you and others.
2. This could work if you want him to call you Dr. Lastname--is that what you want? There is a chance that he might not notice how you sign off.
3. This might come off as passive-aggressive, and if he's thick-headed enough, might not be effective.

Is it possible that PostdocY has met you but not Prof X, or that Prof Y speaks of you with more familiarity and friendliness and that this slip was a result of that? I think you can assume that this error was not intentional and you can hope that the postdoc will be embarrassed when it is pointed out to him.

What about option 4: Take it up directly. I see two diplomatic ways to do this, depending on your relationship with Prof Y and his/her relationships with the postdocs s/he supervises:

Option 4a: Write to Prof Y, cite the note, and ask, what's up with Postdoc Y? Does he not realize that this sounds like either (a) he is trying to freeze out Prof X, who is really approachable and a nice guy or (b) he could be construed as being sexist by calling the man "Dr" and the woman "Firstname". Encourage him to talk with Postdoc Y. Write it in the spirit of "I'm not offended, but you need to set PostdocY straight before he does offend someone."

Option 4b: Write directly to Y and say, "I am sure you had no intention of being offensive, but I want you to understand that your forms of address could be misconstrued by someone who doesn't know you better, (cite a and be above). This is uncomfortable to bring up and it would have been easier for me to let this slide, but after giving it some thought I decided to write to you since I don't want you to make this mistake in the future with someone who is more easily upset. Prof X and I are both friendly and approachable, and in the future please feel free to call both of us by our first names."
Write it in the spirit of one who is mentoring and providing guidance for a promising young scholar. I think this  will be more effective than if you respond as though you are offended (however legitimately) by someone who has been an inconsiderate jerk.

[systeme_d_]

I choose none of the above.  

Instead, I would speak to the postdoc in person (or call him on the phone if that's not possible) and request the same courtesy he extends to his supervisor.  I would specifically note that failing to extend to me that same courtesy makes it look like he doesn't respect women above him in rank, and that such practices could hurt him in professional ways in the future, because academia is full of hierarchies.

In other words, make this a mentoring moment, and treat him as if you are helping to socialize him to professional practices in your field -- even if that's not true, and women are routinely treated like crap.

[helpful]

 I meant #1 and writing an email that was signed Dr. like in #2. If he does it again, well then you can be more direct.

[tinyzombie]

I meant #1 and writing an email that was signed Dr. like in #2. If he does it again, well then you can be more direct.

This is too passive-aggressive. He's not likely to learn from an approach like this.

Système_D is wise.

[cranefly]

I'd call them out on this---IF there isn't something else going on (e.g. you met them but they've never met Dr. X).
I think system_d's way of putting the conversation is ideal: keep it about professional courtesy and how not extending the same courtesy to women as to men can be "misconstrued" to mean he's sexist.

[polly_mer]

I also vote for none of the above.

What is the fanciest title that the postdoc could possibly claim?  I'm not talking Dr.; I'm thinking "Chief Bottlewasher in the Smith Lab" or "Second Runner-Up in the Departmental Cookie Decorating Contest".  Pick one of those titles at random and use that to address your postdoc's next email.  Keep it up until either it's a fun joke among the three of you or until you get to say, "Oh?  Do titles matter?  If we're choosing, then I'm Dr. and so are you".

Or you could get over it and be happy that the postdoc spelled your name correctly.  After all, you don't know that the dissing isn't for the other guy who was introduced as Dr., when he would prefer to be first name.

[ms_turtle]

About a year ago I made one, very small change that caused the use of "Mrs." and "Hey you" salutations to plummet. I simply changed the "from" tagline on my email account from "Jane Turtle" to "Dr. Jane Turtle." It looks so automatic that no one gives it a second glance but it has helped.

[lizzy]

I choose none of the above.  

Instead, I would speak to the postdoc in person (or call him on the phone if that's not possible) and request the same courtesy he extends to his supervisor.  I would specifically note that failing to extend to me that same courtesy makes it look like he doesn't respect women above him in rank, and that such practices could hurt him in professional ways in the future, because academia is full of hierarchies.

In other words, make this a mentoring moment, and treat him as if you are helping to socialize him to professional practices in your field -- even if that's not true, and women are routinely treated like crap.

I know this can be hard.

It can be harder, at first, to look people in the eye and suggest they call you "Dr." But in the long run, it's much easier to produce a positive outcome, in which you make it a mentoring-type thing and come across warm and friendly instead of uptight and stuck on formalities.

I'd do as Systeme_d  suggests.

[offthemarket]

This strategy is good, if this person is worth your time. It is doing them a favor.

But if you don't care about this particular person in any way, the mildly passive aggressive one that might not be noticed will do just fine.

[oatmeal]

I choose none of the above.  

Instead, I would speak to the postdoc in person (or call him on the phone if that's not possible) and request the same courtesy he extends to his supervisor.  I would specifically note that failing to extend to me that same courtesy makes it look like he doesn't respect women above him in rank, and that such practices could hurt him in professional ways in the future, because academia is full of hierarchies.

In other words, make this a mentoring moment, and treat him as if you are helping to socialize him to professional practices in your field -- even if that's not true, and women are routinely treated like crap.

I agree with this suggestion. The issue bothers you, as it should do, so you need to nip it in the bud. Professional and courteous, but strong and decisive--a good combination.