phasesofthemoon
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« on: December 14, 2011, 08:32:04 PM » |
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How odd is it if a man dates or has a romantic relationship with the ex of his close male buddy in western societies? Is it correct to assume that a man who gets jiggly with his friend's girlfriend or ex is a big no no for anyone with standards? Socially speaking is such behavior a taboo?
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phasesofthemoon
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« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2011, 08:37:03 PM » |
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By taboo I meant having a romantic affair with the ex-girlfriend (current girlfriends are off-bound for obvious ethical reasons) of a close male friend.
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hegemony
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« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2011, 08:41:04 PM » |
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No, it's not taboo. Read Dan Savage's columns for lots of instances of this question. Once a woman is someone's ex, he is no longer involved with her. He does not have any ownership rights. The new guy shouldn't make unnecessary comparisons -- he should be tasteful in his comments -- but she's the first guy's ex for a reason -- they're not together any more.
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Tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight.
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polly_mer
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« Reply #3 on: December 14, 2011, 08:42:39 PM » |
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Depends. Are you part of a social circle where basically everyone dates everyone else at some point or do you only date outside the group?
In the first case, go ahead and date the ex.
In the second case, the waiting period for dating the ex varies in direct proportion to how likely the friend is to hurt you.
If you have a genuine query for a close friend, then you could just ask the only person who will matter with a "would it creep you out if I date your ex?" and then go off what the friend says.
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If you haven't got either the anatomical or metaphorical balls to post your own question on a pseudonymous internet forum, then academia is the wrong job for you.
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humpty_dumpty
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« Reply #4 on: December 14, 2011, 08:50:10 PM » |
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I don't think there's any regularity here. The friend's reaction can vary from open hate, in the case if he still hopes he can win the ex back, to total indifference, to enthusiasm (if the friend feels a bit guilty and wants the ex to find someone else), to whatever. There's no taboo, that's for sure, but discussing the issue with the friend, approaching the issue carefully, sounds like a good idea. JMO
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phasesofthemoon
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« Reply #5 on: December 14, 2011, 08:52:32 PM » |
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No this is not within a circle where everyone dates each other. However the three people concerned (the two male buddies and the woman) are thick of friends. Post-breakup the ex-lovers have tried to maintain a cordial relationship impressively actually although both are sure that they don't want to try working things out again.
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macaroon
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« Reply #6 on: December 14, 2011, 09:20:38 PM » |
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Presuming you're serious, here....
It's not taboo to date the ex of a friend, but it's polite to let some time pass after the breakup before starting the new relationship.
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larryc
Hu hatin'
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Posts: 18,285
Eschew the hu.
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« Reply #7 on: December 14, 2011, 09:40:07 PM » |
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We pretty much hand women around like party favors.
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sugaree
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« Reply #8 on: December 14, 2011, 10:03:07 PM » |
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Dude - this violates the "Bro Code," just ask Barney Simpson. However, if the new guy can arrange a "devil's three way" with the exes, just remind him not to make eye contact with the other dude.
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where's the bourbon?
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oldfullprof
Not really retired...
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Representation is not reproduction!
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« Reply #9 on: December 14, 2011, 10:28:20 PM » |
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It should be okay. But, when a particularly irritating friend asked for my ex-wife's number after she and I broke up, I noticed I didn't give it to him. He would have been too annoying.
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Someone please tell me to start entering data, rather than screwing off here.
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bcohlan1
limericked his way to being a
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EPIC BEER
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« Reply #10 on: December 15, 2011, 12:09:25 AM » |
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Dude - this violates the "Bro Code," just ask Barney Simpson. However, if the new guy can arrange a "devil's three way" with the exes, just remind him not to make eye contact with the other dude.
I too immediately thought of "How I Met Your Mother". |
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Basically the moral of the story is that bcohlan1 is talking out of his ass again.
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sugaree
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« Reply #11 on: December 15, 2011, 12:22:11 AM » |
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Dude - this violates the "Bro Code," just ask Barney Simpson. However, if the new guy can arrange a "devil's three way" with the exes, just remind him not to make eye contact with the other dude.
I too immediately thought of "How I Met Your Mother". Indeed! Except now I'm realizing that Barney Simpson is someone I made up in my own head. Barney Stintson, however, knows all the rules enumerated in the Bro Code. |
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where's the bourbon?
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phasesofthemoon
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Posts: 5
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« Reply #12 on: December 15, 2011, 11:53:56 AM » |
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If the common friend has consensual sex with his buddy's ex with the simple motive of 'having a f**k' while she does it unaware of what's on his mind but thinking that there is more to the act than a one night stand since his actions suggested otherwise, is he the douche bag or is she an idiot?
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tuxedo_cat
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« Reply #13 on: December 15, 2011, 12:51:44 PM » |
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*sigh* Honestly, none of you have read Rene Girard? We borrow our desires from others. Far from being autonomous, our desire for a certain object is always provoked by the desire of another person — the model — for this same object. This means that the relationship between the subject and the object is not direct: there is always a triangular relationship of subject, model, and object. Through the object, one is drawn to the model, whom Girard calls the mediator: it is in fact the model who is sought. It's true, I took that from Wikipedia. Thank god this is an anonymous forum. OP: it's all about you and "the buddy." The woman . . . Hermia? Helena? . . . who cares? Geez, even contemporary popular film has finally figured this out. It's all about the bromance, my little cupcakes. (and I'm actually not kidding about any of that) ps: also, it's "jiggy" not . . . "jiggly" (gah) |
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« Last Edit: December 15, 2011, 12:53:15 PM by tuxedo_cat »
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The only protection from zombies is a good friend who runs slightly more slowly than you do.
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macaroon
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« Reply #14 on: December 15, 2011, 01:16:01 PM » |
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If the common friend has consensual sex with his buddy's ex with the simple motive of 'having a f**k' while she does it unaware of what's on his mind but thinking that there is more to the act than a one night stand since his actions suggested otherwise, is he the douche bag or is she an idiot?
Are you the ex here? Hard to say if that's wrong or a simple misunderstanding. In this scenario, I don't think it's terribly relevant that she's someone's ex. |
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