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[theblackbox]

I would say nothing right now. As others mentioned, there's nothing good that can come out of this than airing your personal laundry which may (or may not) be cleaned up after you emerge from this particularly stressful time. I'd caution you making any permanent decisions right now when you're in the thick of it with work, stress, fatigue, etc. Imagine if you two decide to stay together but you've thrown away his job: reporting this situation to your chair basically ensures you are damning the relationship and reflects poorly on you.

The deal you negotiated was approved and you didn't negotiate it under false pretenses (as in the case hegemony mentioned). I think there's nothing unethical about keeping your marital struggles to yourselves right now.

[avidrunner]

Thank you so much everybody. I feel a bit better about it after agonizing for quite some days now over whether my stand is honest or not.

[lizzy]

I would say nothing right now. As others mentioned, there's nothing good that can come out of this than airing your personal laundry which may (or may not) be cleaned up after you emerge from this particularly stressful time. I'd caution you making any permanent decisions right now when you're in the thick of it with work, stress, fatigue, etc. Imagine if you two decide to stay together but you've thrown away his job: reporting this situation to your chair basically ensures you are damning the relationship and reflects poorly on you.

The deal you negotiated was approved and you didn't negotiate it under false pretenses (as in the case hegemony mentioned). I think there's nothing unethical about keeping your marital struggles to yourselves right now.

This.

And this:

Also, consider now that the other department has been counting on his labor.  Prematurely asking to have the spousal withdrawn could leave your colleagues in the lurch as well. 

Be sure to factor this into your ethical considerations.

The department and dean (most likely) wouldn't have agreed to the VAP position unless they had some use for it. At this point, they've probably made scheduling and other commitments based on this position. 

Good luck to you and your spouse. I hope things improve for you. Knock 'em dead at the conference.

[oatmeal]

OP--I am sorry to hear this. I hope you and your spouse can work things out. You have done nothing unethical. You negotiated in good faith. I would say nothing unless things go very badly in your marriage--divorce. If that happens, you will probably have to say something but unless that happens, it is your personal life and is not the  business of anyone else. This should not impact your tenure at all (think huge law suits). Your spouse has a VAP, this is in a different department and is not TT, so there is no conflict of interest and potential departmental turmoil. If the worst happens, hu will probably get a terminal contract, but hu might not. You do not need to worry about this right now. Instead, focus on your marriage (and regular work, including that conference). I hope things work out for you.

[helpful]

Thank goodness the spousal hire was not TT, or, even worse, tenure on hire.
OP, I presume if your spouse comes and you are separated, you will live in separate dwellings?
There might be a good side to the problem you have as having the spouse in the same city might facilitate reconcliation or a permanent break as you won't be trying to solve/resolve things at a distance.

[larryc]

I just want to know if the spousal hire is unethical. I will slide into a nervous breakdown if I do not take my mind off the mess in my personal life. At this moment the question I just posed is all I can stress about.

I think the point the others are making is that the answer to this question is dependent on all these things you don't want to talk about.

Yes.

[westcoastgirl]

From my reading of your posts, it seems like you want very badly to be able to disclose this information and are looking for encouragement to do so here. I'm not accusing you of anything and it can be natural to want to do this, especially if she has hurt you or initiated this divorce. Separation is a longs ways from divorce. I am familiar with these things. Is there no point of reconciliation? Right now, things seem up in the air.

In addition, a divorce, even a there aren't any assets or kids up for negotiation, takes four to five months to go through the courts, at least in my state.

At any point, I'm sorry. Like some of the others have said, if you are still going to be married for a bit, why not just proceed as if your're married in terms of what has been negotiated. Committees are made of grown ups. Grown ups can understand that a marriage may very well have deteriorated in the course of a year.

[totoro]

Yes, if your spouse comes to your city and you are still not getting on, they can find a place of their own to live. At least they got a job. The university gets someone to work for them. I can't see this as unethical.

[proftowanda]

If it comes to filing for divorce, do check to see how accessible are such public records in your state.  In mine, those can land online quite swiftly, and word gets out quite fast in other ways as well.

You would want to notify your campus -- but only just before filing.  And even then, as others have said so well here, we all know that there can be reconciliation, and if not, the divorce would not final for months or years.

[oldfullprof]

There's no ethical problem and no obligation to notify.

[aprilmay]

I agree with the posts that say you do not need to notify the university at this time because you are not divorced or even officially separated, but I do think you have an ethical dilemma coming up soon if your marriage continues to deteriorate. A spousal hire you plan to divorce is completely unethical. So the ethical issues kick in once you know you are getting divorced. You negotiated in good faith, but the negotiation was for a spouse, not an ex-spouse. If your marital status changes, you need to tell them. As long as you are married, your marital woes are none of their business.

Maybe I have been on the hiring side too much, but I see a problem with taking advantage of "the system." If a divorced spouse shows up for a spousal hire VAP, you can expect an unfavorable reputation from the moment this becomes public to forever. Do not assume they had some use for the VAP position. Unless they would have hired your spouse without your application, which they would not because you had to negotiate for it, they are hiring the spouse, at least in part, to get you on campus. Do not assume they needed that position to be filled. This is not your decision to make. If you and your spouse get divorced, the department can make the decision about whether or not to keep the position open, and the spouse can decide whether or not to take it.

Divorce is one of the biggest problems we face with spousal hires. In the vast majority of cases, we really want one and are willing to take the other. When the couple splits, we are stuck with the one we were not excited about. Even if they are okay, we could have used those funds to get someone fantastic. Occasionally, we have spousal hires where both parties are great and we would have hired them both individually, but that is not the norm. No one is going to hold it against you if your marriage falls apart and you negotiated for a spousal hire, but if the marriage fails before the spouse takes their position, you do owe it to the university to let them know. At least this is a VAP position and not tt.

More importantly, you need to talk to your spouse about future plans immediately. You are not too busy. You just do not want to do it. You are talking about things like grading being more important than your marriage. Have the talk. Does your spouse still want to take the position? Do you honestly want them to come or not come? Do you think things will improve once you two are in the same city? Maybe once you are in the same location, you can go to counseling and the relationship will improve. Good luck.