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[concordancia]

With one part of my family, we do a book exchange.  The rule is that you can't buy a new book, unless it's for a child.  Instead, you have to pass on one you've read that you think fits the personality of the person you give it to.  It's terribly fun, because even if someone gives you something you hate, the little notes we write explaining why the book fits the person are a hoot. 

A very old battered copy of Sex for Dummies shows up in someone's stocking every single year. 

With new annotations, of course.

And I thought the tin harmonica that made the rounds at work for a few years was cute.

[melba_frilkins]

With one part of my family, we do a book exchange.  The rule is that you can't buy a new book, unless it's for a child.  Instead, you have to pass on one you've read that you think fits the personality of the person you give it to.  It's terribly fun, because even if someone gives you something you hate, the little notes we write explaining why the book fits the person are a hoot. 

A very old battered copy of Sex for Dummies shows up in someone's stocking every single year. 

With new annotations, of course.

And I thought the tin harmonica that made the rounds at work for a few years was cute.

We have a pink baseball cap bedazzled with "b*tch" spelled out in glitter that makes the rounds every year. The gift exchange is pre-Christmas, still during the semester. So the recipient has the option to wear the hat to finals week. I've been tempted.

[scampster]

With one part of my family, we do a book exchange.  The rule is that you can't buy a new book, unless it's for a child.  Instead, you have to pass on one you've read that you think fits the personality of the person you give it to.  It's terribly fun, because even if someone gives you something you hate, the little notes we write explaining why the book fits the person are a hoot. 

A very old battered copy of Sex for Dummies shows up in someone's stocking every single year. 

With new annotations, of course.

And I thought the tin harmonica that made the rounds at work for a few years was cute.

We have a pink baseball cap bedazzled with "b*tch" spelled out in glitter that makes the rounds every year. The gift exchange is pre-Christmas, still during the semester. So the recipient has the option to wear the hat to finals week. I've been tempted.

Amongst one group of friends, there is a vibrator (that was a prize at someone's bachelorette party) that makes its way around every Christmas. The trick is to wrap it deceptively.

[collegekidsmom]

I spend time writing cards at the holidays and mailing a holiday wish to everyone I know. I really enjoy sitting down and writing to each of these people. I only buy gifts for my children since they need things and I love to buy them those things. I do buy the cat a can of tuna and the dog a big chew bone and wrap those along with the kids gifts. We really enjoy Christmas morning with our few nice gifts and our traditional Christmas breakfast.  We made the holidays about enjoying being together, taking a break from work, and spending time outside.
I also bake a lot of cookies and give those to people I know don't have time to bake and enjoy fancy cookies.
The holidays are SO much better since both sides of my big extended family gave up completely on gift giving. It took years to do this, and it has changed everything.

[oldadjunct]

I spend time writing cards at the holidays and mailing a holiday wish to everyone I know. I really enjoy sitting down and writing to each of these people. I only buy gifts for my children since they need things and I love to buy them those things. I do buy the cat a can of tuna and the dog a big chew bone and wrap those along with the kids gifts. We really enjoy Christmas morning with our few nice gifts and our traditional Christmas breakfast.  We made the holidays about enjoying being together, taking a break from work, and spending time outside.
I also bake a lot of cookies and give those to people I know don't have time to bake and enjoy fancy cookies.
The holidays are SO much better since both sides of my big extended family gave up completely on gift giving. It took years to do this, and it has changed everything.

I totally get this.

I would add that we always had a presentation of gifts, on rotation, one gift at at time, even when Christmas included grandparents, aunts uncles, neices and nephews.  No parallel play, ripping and tearing at boxes.

"Big Guy, this is for you." Pause, joy, play, discussion of coolness of toy.

"Young Daughter, isn't that one for Mom?"  Pause, joy, expressions of deep gratitude for the socks, discussion of their beauty.

Mom, "OMG, Older Daughter, I just saw this, it's for you!"  Pause, joy, bagels/cream cheese/coffee/juice, posing, discussion of tree.

"Big Guy, isn't that box there for Grandpa?"

Rinse and repeat. It went a little faster than I imply, but could well last an hour or more depending on hunger.  Children, all, always seemed involved in enjoying the sparkling moments of a recipient's moment of joy.

[melba_frilkins]

With one part of my family, we do a book exchange.  The rule is that you can't buy a new book, unless it's for a child.  Instead, you have to pass on one you've read that you think fits the personality of the person you give it to.  It's terribly fun, because even if someone gives you something you hate, the little notes we write explaining why the book fits the person are a hoot. 

A very old battered copy of Sex for Dummies shows up in someone's stocking every single year. 

With new annotations, of course.

And I thought the tin harmonica that made the rounds at work for a few years was cute.

We have a pink baseball cap bedazzled with "b*tch" spelled out in glitter that makes the rounds every year. The gift exchange is pre-Christmas, still during the semester. So the recipient has the option to wear the hat to finals week. I've been tempted.

Amongst one group of friends, there is a vibrator (that was a prize at someone's bachelorette party) that makes its way around every Christmas. The trick is to wrap it deceptively.

That reminds me, I once bought a massage tool thinking it would be good for my neck. Silly naive me, I bought it at a nice store in the mall and the package showed people using it on their necks, backs, etc. All completely innocent. When I got it home, I tried it out on my neck but it was lame. Then my husband got home and said nice vibrator.  Oh. 

Well, our ladies' Christmas gift exchange was coming up, so I gifted it there. We all laughed when the recipient opened it. But funny thing, now that you mention it, the device did not make its way back to the gift exchange again. Perhaps it found a happy home.

[motormouth]

Thanks for the input.

The problem with the way the exchange is set up is that everyone buys for a theme, instead of a person. You might get "movie night" or "around the house" or "kitchen" and have to buy $100 of random stuff (no gift cards or tickets, sorry) that fits the theme. Baked goods, and other homemade things often don't fit the theme you are assigned. The greedy gals assign the themes, it is not random at all.

On the big day, you take your theme gift, put it under the tree. Then you draw from the deck of cards, lowest number goes first and picks a present. You go around the room from lowest card to highest. The 2nd person can either pick a present, or take the first persons gift. The 3rd can take the 2nd or 1st persons, or an unopened one, and so on. No matter the order, the greedy gals seem to snatch up the best gifts and leave their crappy presents for others. They have even done worse, and bought for themselves, and when the time came they took the present they bought from whomever had it.

There is no way to give suggestions because it is completely up in the air to who can get what. That amount of money is outrageous in my mind for this type of exchange. It all just seems wrong to me on some level.

[melba_frilkins]

Wow. That is awful. I know I would want to rebel. Not sure how. Perhaps re-gift exactly what you received last year. Just ignore the stupid theme.

Or give a small but nice and home-made gift for each person, and make each gift somewhat personalized (e.g., carve their name in a bar of soap, or whatnot)--if anyone would dare to tell me that giving a gift from the heart doesn't follow the spirit of Christmas, they can eat my shorts.

Baked goods can always be personalized to fit any theme: get yourself some icing and piping bag!

[collegekidsmom]

I guess what I don't get is why you can't say very nicely that you prefer not to participate in the gift exchange. You could say that you'd love to come and see everyone but won't be participating in the theme gift exchange. On the other hand, they could ask who would like to enjoy the gift exchange this year? I know that I would not want to participate in that type of scripted gift exchange; it would seem hollow and kind of meaningless to me. Assigning themes and all that-could be for those who want to participate and not for everyone.
I would not do it.

[anon99]

My family which includes pre-teen niece, brother, sister-in-law, sister and one parent (and myself) have a difference of opinion about the holiday gift giving among ourselves.

I want to be done with the whole gift giving thing. I never get anything useful. In fact, I consider it clutter that I don't have room for at my house. ...
I may seem ungrateful, but we are all in a position where we don't really need anything. In fact, I consider our family very fortunate for what we have. We grew up very poor and never had a lot of gifts. I would like to take this combined $500 and help a family, maybe one with young children, that need help. I would give the whole amount to Toys for Tots or similar. Our home church and local community agency also have a program that does this but with food, and toys.

My greedy sister and sister-in-law think it is not Christmas unless you shop and spend money on themselves. I have more than once outright declared that I will not participate in this crap, and I get guilt trip phone calls from Mom and the two greedy wenches about me "ruining Christmas".  To keep the peace, and Mom happy, I go along every year. It annoys me for weeks at at time, and I have at least 3 Rubbermaid totes of past gifts that are just taking up room in the basement. (Which reminds me, I need to donate those when I clean over Christmas break.)

What about a fourth model?  We buy ourselves something that we want/like and say it is from person X rather than having person X buy a gift.  When I bother to do this, it is usually something I need (ie a bag for work).  I personally like your idea of the charity based gift for adults.  I know for kids, it is a different story though buying them a chicken, cow or goat for charity might be fun for them.

[menotti]

I totally get this.

I would add that we always had a presentation of gifts, on rotation, one gift at at time, even when Christmas included grandparents, aunts uncles, neices and nephews.  No parallel play, ripping and tearing at boxes.

"Big Guy, this is for you." Pause, joy, play, discussion of coolness of toy.

"Young Daughter, isn't that one for Mom?"  Pause, joy, expressions of deep gratitude for the socks, discussion of their beauty.

Mom, "OMG, Older Daughter, I just saw this, it's for you!"  Pause, joy, bagels/cream cheese/coffee/juice, posing, discussion of tree.

"Big Guy, isn't that box there for Grandpa?"

Rinse and repeat. It went a little faster than I imply, but could well last an hour or more depending on hunger.  Children, all, always seemed involved in enjoying the sparkling moments of a recipient's moment of joy.

Or, you could be at my in-laws - HUGE gift-givers, and, because no one is allowed to open things at the same time, present opening can last all of Christmas and into the next day.  I am not exaggerating.