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[prytania3]

Wilbrish, I feel your pain. Looking back on it, I harped on my son a lot, and it didn't do much good. Your son will find out the consequences in short order, so there's no need to dwell.

Prylet wants to go back to college now. We'll see if he can manage registration.

[lotsoquestions]

I experienced a psychological breakthrough of sorts this weekend.  Kiddo participated in a concerto competition and I was able to sit there and watch him onstage without feeling that somehow it was ME out there being judged, competing with the other parents and experiencing the consequences of failure or success.  Somehow I've been able to break that psychological thing where everything feels like I'm vicariously experiencing it.  I've been working for years on somehow allowing the children to own their grades, their issues, their responsibilities, etc.  and I don't know how much better they're doing but I feel like I've finally gotten to a somewhat healthy place about all this.  Yay me! 

At a recent orchestral rehearsal, I was able to sit in the cafeteria with all the other moms hanging out and listen to them all describing how wonderful their kids were and what little geniuses and how they were all going to Harvard, and I felt a bit like an anthropologist or a zoologist, observing the species Helicopterus Parentis without actually having any desire to participate myself.  Previously, these other parents probably would have intimidated me so much that I would have gone home and thrown up.  Making progress, slowly but surely.

[wilbrish]

Ms P, yes he was definitely overwhelmed.  And Pry, thanks for the insight.  I get along much better with him when I'm not nagging him.  It does neither of us good.

I just don't want him to become discouraged.  That's my goal now.

[quotiazelda]

I experienced a psychological breakthrough of sorts this weekend.  Kiddo participated in a concerto competition and I was able to sit there and watch him onstage without feeling that somehow it was ME out there being judged, competing with the other parents and experiencing the consequences of failure or success. 

This is definitely something I struggle with. It gets better as they get older, but I'm not entirely where you are yet.

[amlithist]

Wonderboy is 12 now, but I expect to be a regular contributor to this thread soon enough. He is brilliant, funny, ferociously strong-willed, compassionate, quick to anger, undisciplined, impulsive, and takes great pride in never learning from experience. Since he was 3 or 4 I have been telling people that he is bound for either the White House or the Big House.

I'll be back in a few months to commiserate with all of you.

You've just described Kid #1 to a "t."  At 23, neither White House nor Big House (she has no interest in the former, and I always tell her the latter is afraid she'll take over if they bring her in).  We shall see.

I only wish I would someday be as smart as both our girls were in their teens/are now.

[ms_turtle]

My daughter will be 13 in less than two weeks. It's far too late to sell her to gypsies and too early to marry her off. Lord help me.

[hungry_ghost]

Wilbrish, I'm finally taking the time to read through this thread. Not sure if this is timely or helpful, but just in case:

One thing that helped HungryGirl when she was overwhelmed by a vast sea of homework was a sort of "Getting things done" approach of listing tasks separately, and then breaking each task down into steps that needed to be done, and limiting tonight's work to a reasonable number of steps, followed by a break or treat or reward of some type.

I learned that some stuff wasn't getting done because the first step was "find hopelessly lost worksheet" (which could actually be downloaded from the website) or other 'lost materials' that I could help replace. I learned that other work wasn't getting done because it just seemed daunting, and she had no idea where to start.

When you do this, you're basically scaffolding your kid's homework, with the ultimate goal that your kid will learn to do it for himself.

[wilbrish]

Hungry, thank you.

[bourbonrose]

How are you and your son holding up?  Although I've been quiet of late, you've been on my mind.

[wilbrish]

TY, BR. Son is feeling better, although not going to school. He seems to be out of the habit.  I expect the school may actually kick him out soon.  I'm trying to prepare him.  We have a meeting next week. He's in some serious denial, though.

I wish he would have done this the easy way. *sigh*

[prytania3]

I sent my son to a summer program to help him deal with the stress he has experience when he entered high school. He seems to be lost at that time, with no friends to cling on because we moved from Texas to Ohio. But at the moment, he seems to be doing well. Hopefully, things will run smoothly this year.   

Don't you dare come here and spam with those abusive programs.

[wilbrish]

Bumping this, but not really with good news.

After attempting to work with therapist, the school, etc., my son's school counselor finally said, "Pull him out.  Put him in continuation school."  He failed 5/6 classes last semester and is on track to fail them again this semester (quarterly report just came out).

I can't describe how quickly this happened, despite our efforts, or how much of a mystery it still is (he says his depression is better).  It's also difficult in that he is blaming me for this. 

I can hardly even drive by his (soon to be former) high school now.  I just hope he can turn this around.

[11thfloor]

I was wondering how your son was doing, thanks for the update.  It's so hard when things go wrong for your children.  My son who dropped of school with no qualifications is now doing correspondence but I am not very hopeful - he is so out of the habit of doing schoolwork.  It is hard being blamed for things going wrong when you do so much to help but at least you are still there, supporting him, and he'll get past the anger. Our son was so angry with us when we used to try so hard to do so much for him, to the point where we couldn't live with him anymore, but now we are doing so much less for him he is much more grateful for what we can do.  Even with the correspondence - when I tried to help him do it, he used to be so angry.  Now I do less, he is less angry, and if I did even less I think he might get to a point of being grateful for my help, maybe.  But you balance that against actually being able to help, even if it makes them angry.  We've had to move him out of the house, to live in a hostel, because his anger in the house was affecting his younger sister - I am still not sure it is the best thing for him.  You are lucky maybe to be able to still give your son a whole lot more support. 

[hungry_ghost]

wilbrish, I was thinking of you tonight, and thinking about posting here about our own trauma.

wilbrish, I am so sorry to hear this. (But what is "continuation school"?) I know, getting blamed for something you tried so hard to prevent hurts. And even worse because as his parent, deep down inside, you're probably blaming yourself: if only you'd done things a little different when he was a baby, it would be different now. (HungryGirl suffers from anxiety. I am pretty sure that it is my fault because I didn't get her on a regular sleep schedule when she was a baby. Yes, I caused it all.) Don't let yourself go that way, and don't let yourself get depressed. What helps me is to make sure I have something I do regularly where I am completely focused and "in the moment," (writing, music, exercise, whatever works). It gives me a necessary break from the unhappy stuff.

All I wanted to post was a whine about my own basic mouthy teenager, making me feel like crap. She asked me why she couldn't do something. Why means she wants reasons. I gave her one and was going to give her the other and she interrupted:  "I don't care about your other reason [for ABC]. You have bad reasons."  She blames me for everything. The only thing that is not my fault is that her hair curls at the ends, like I've always wished mine would. She straightens it. The curl is her grandmother's fault. I could go on, but instead I'd better go to bed. G'night, wilbrish, and good luck, here's hoping that tomorrow is a better day.

[kaysixteen]

A good reason is always 'because I said so.'