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[polly_mer]

I thought I could find some other, anonymous, and more experienced professionals who could give me some guidelines as I am only a grad student.  I didn't expect to be flamed.

Curiouser, Tinyzombie didn't flame you.  Tinyzombie simply (slightly impolitely) pointed out that the norms of your field will not be determined by what is most useful to you.  Asking the question was fine and you've gotten advice about what is normal in other fields. 

The bottom line is that most people will default to "no talk, no claim on the CV", regardless of field;   professionals don't get excused absences in that sense.  A problem for you is that one talk makes a huge difference to you since you're a graduate student with few presentation opportunities.  No one says suck it up and go (I've certainly pulled out of conferences at the last minute because I was too sick), but if the talk wasn't presented, then you can't claim it, just as your advisor wrote.   Field norms differ on whether multiple authors who weren't present get to list a talk that was given by someone on their CV; that's a separate issue, though.

However rude Tinyzombie was, the fact remains that how your CV will be viewed by people in your field depends on the norms for the field, not the fact that you think something should count because that's what is beneficial to you to list.  Listen to your advisors and other mentors, not the voices in your head about what's fair.  Fair is often not the same as appropriate.

[tinyzombie]

Polly got it in, well, more than one.

And honestly, OP, if you think I was rude, you have some toughening up to do.

[curiouser]

Polly got it in, well, more than one.

And honestly, OP, if you think I was rude, you have some toughening up to do.

Perhaps you should learn to be more polite.  If you've ever travelled outside your country, you'll see that politeness norms vary from place to place.  Generally being condescending, telling me I have some toughening up to do, putting words in my mouth regarding what I plan to do with field norms versus how I might feel that something may have been unfair -- all of these things are quite rude to say to a stranger.

[curiouser]

I thought I could find some other, anonymous, and more experienced professionals who could give me some guidelines as I am only a grad student.  I didn't expect to be flamed.

Curiouser, Tinyzombie didn't flame you.  Tinyzombie simply (slightly impolitely) pointed out that the norms of your field will not be determined by what is most useful to you.  Asking the question was fine and you've gotten advice about what is normal in other fields. 

The bottom line is that most people will default to "no talk, no claim on the CV", regardless of field;   professionals don't get excused absences in that sense.  A problem for you is that one talk makes a huge difference to you since you're a graduate student with few presentation opportunities.  No one says suck it up and go (I've certainly pulled out of conferences at the last minute because I was too sick), but if the talk wasn't presented, then you can't claim it, just as your advisor wrote.   Field norms differ on whether multiple authors who weren't present get to list a talk that was given by someone on their CV; that's a separate issue, though.

However rude Tinyzombie was, the fact remains that how your CV will be viewed by people in your field depends on the norms for the field, not the fact that you think something should count because that's what is beneficial to you to list.  Listen to your advisors and other mentors, not the voices in your head about what's fair.  Fair is often not the same as appropriate.

Sure, I understand this.  However, in my situation, I more or less was told to suck it up and go.  I was only expressing my opinion on the topic, not suggesting guidelines as I made it clear that I wasn't sure what the guidelines were.  I have also had advisers tell me that when absolutely no one shows up for your talk (for instance, one given early on a Sunday morning,) you may list that on your CV as well.  

[polly_mer]

<sigh>

Again, Tinyzombie is rude, but right.  This notion that someone telling you that you are wrong is somehow a personal affront has to be discarded in many areas of academia and research.  You know that you didn't know so you ventured a scenario to start a conversation.  In the course of the conversation, you found that your scenario isn't the generally accepted one*.  After you learn that, the thing to do is say, "Huh.  Thanks for the information", and go use the information.

Only you care that you were wrong.  Seriously, we don't care and won't hold it against you.  However, insisting that your opinion counts even after being told you were wrong and you admit you were wrong is something that people will hold against you.  Walk away from this one with your new information and go work on the next paper you should be writing.  You're not going to win here and your energy will be better spend on those professional activities that will go on your CV.

Go write.  Submit a new proposal to give another talk in a few months.  Seriously, that's a better use of your time and energy and has a better shot of getting you that job you want when you graduate.  You can't put "Won a discussion with Polly_Mer and Tinyzombie" on your CV.  Go write.

* If you gave a talk and no one came, then the talk was still given and goes on your CV.  If no one gave the talk, then the talk was not given and cannot go on your CV.  This is the same as lecturing to students who didn't listen and then fail the test.  The main thing is that the talk was given so that someone could have been enlightened, not how many people were actually enlightened.

[wet_blanket]

The bottom line is that most people will default to "no talk, no claim on the CV", regardless of field;   professionals don't get excused absences in that sense. ...

Sure, I understand this.  However, in my situation, I more or less was told to suck it up and go. ...

When were you told this?  If your co-presenter had already made it known that s/he planned to be elsewhere, then your not going would have meant the paper didn't exist, and therefore couldn't be listed on a CV, yours or anyone else's.

To the larger topic, it never would have occurred to me that who did the talking matters in terms of CV listing.  Whoever the authors are should get to list a presentation on their CV.  I can't imagine any circumstances when a CV is being read in which the reader cares about which of several co-authors delivered the presentation.  But I'm still a grad student, so maybe someone can enlighten me?

[gcaye]

Polly got it in, well, more than one.

And honestly, OP, if you think I was rude, you have some toughening up to do.

Perhaps you should learn to be more polite.  If you've ever travelled outside your country, you'll see that politeness norms vary from place to place.  Generally being condescending, telling me I have some toughening up to do, putting words in my mouth regarding what I plan to do with field norms versus how I might feel that something may have been unfair -- all of these things are quite rude to say to a stranger.

Yes.  This is largely a forum of USA academics, which means US cultural habits, which means different ways of speaking to people than most people in the world are used to.  It is quite rude to most people outside of USA.  But inside they like it like this.