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[tanglesandwaves]

Hello, forum.  I'm a first year (first semester) student in a Higher Education Administration program with a graduate assistantship as a Residence Director at a R1 university.  (I oversee two buildings, work a crisis rotation, hear conduct cases, run RA training for a third of campus, work on several committees, etc. in addition to supervising and advising duties... the usual, I guess, though I know how intense GAships are varies by campus.)  I've only been in my Housing position since July, but it is already making me seriously question my decision to choose administration as a career.  I know that I'm new, that things will get better, that I maybe haven't had time to properly adjust, that there are other options than Housing long term.  I also know that I am sleep deprived, over scheduled, irritable, and not at all myself. 

In one of my foundational classes, we talk a lot about work/life balance and work/life integration.  From the various professionals that have come in to talk about their lives, having seperate spheres for work and personal life seems virtually impossible.  In your experience, does it get better?  Do you have enough time for family?  Have you had to relocate multiple times? 

I know that meaningful work requires sacrifice.  I just want to make sure that before I spend any more time going down this path that it doesn't require more than I am realistically willing to give.  My mental health comes first, and right now, I'm feeling like it is in short supply due to not being able to replinish my resources, for lack of a better way to put it. I know this post has the potential to attract snarky comments, but I honestly need help making these decisions and am afraid to go to anyone in my program.  Any input would be appreciated.

[cj405]

I am pretty sure someone else asked this same question recently.  Maybe you two should talk to each other about your experiences. 

I think keeping your work and the rest of your life in balance is probably difficult in any career.  It is definitely tough in housing because you are actually living where you work.  Also, it sounds like you're getting all the time consuming positions like advising student groups.  Eventually, this won't be the case.

I think you probably need to start saying no to some of these things.  For example, how many of these committees are you required to do and how many are just for the resume?  Most GA positions that I know of require 20 hours/week.  It sounds like you are probably putting in more than that, right?  If you are consistently way over 20 hours or if it would actually not be possible to do all of your work duties in that number of hours, you need to talk to your supervisor about that. An assistantship is student employment--you need time to be a student, too.

And stop beating yourself up about this.  Everyone (more than likely) in your program is having similar feelings.  Talk to them.  These people are your support system.  Don't be afraid to ask for support when you need it.

[michigander]

I chime with cj405.  There is no such thing as a clean separation between a live-in job and personal life.  You have to impose as much separation as you need.  Having been there early in my career, I have several survival strategies to suggest.

I assume that you are not the only RD at your R1.  Do  you and your fellow RDs at other halls have a rotating on-call schedule for evenings, weekends, and holidays?  If so, find other places to hang out from time to time when you're not the one who's on call.  If you don't have such a formal rotation, suggest that such a system be instituted.

Make friends with a few fellow grad students who live off campus, and go visiting from time to time.  Find comfortable libraries, Starbucks, hotel lobbies, all night diners, Tim Hortons, etc. where you can go to get away when it's responsible for you to be away.  When you go shopping or to the movies, go to the mall at the opposite end of the county from your campus so that you won't run into your students.  Get involved with a church, volunteer group, or social organization with members like you -- not undergraduates.  Allow yourself to have your own life.  Feel free to pm me if you like.

If you haven't already done so, speak with your supervisor about how overwhelmed you're feeling.  If s/he's not brand new in the job, what you're experiencing won't be news to her or him, and you'll probably get sympathy, suggestions, and a pep talk.  I still remember a moment back in grad school when a bunch of us  housing types unloaded these kinds of concerns on our supervisor in our intership seminar and he asked, "Just whose expectations are you exhausting yourselves to meet?  They aren't mine.  If you're overloading yourselves, you can stop."  It was one of the most liberating moments of my entire career.

If, as you proceed through this first year in housing, you come to an awareness that you're not willing or able to deal with this kind of pressure, look around.  You don't have to give up your career goals to work in areas that support students if you don't want to.  Not all areas of student affairs/services are like this.  I never had an emergency in the middle of the night again after I changed from residence life to academic advising.