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[carolynkeene]

Confession: I talk too much sometimes in grad seminars and I am afraid I am annoying the other students. 

I need help!  How do the rest of you who struggle with being "that" student learn how to STFU and know that you are still contributing enough to the discussion? 

[pink_]

Remember that *quality* of comments matters more than quantity, and if the quality isn't good, all the comments in the world won't help you. In fact, they might hurt.  Listen to what your classmates are saying.  Really listen to them and be thoughtful about it (even if you don't think it makes much sense)--like you, they were admitted to the program for a reason. If you listen, you will often learn as much from your fellow classmates as you will from the faculty.

It can be hard not to jump in, particularly if no one else is, but really try to give others a chance to fill the silence, If you always do, they won't and you could miss out on some really good insights.

[polly_mer]

The question is: do you really talk too much or do the other students talk too little?

Yes, if you are shouting over other people or interrupting every time anyone else speaks, then you are talking too much.  Write your comments on a piece of paper, condense and summarize those comments to a reasonable contribution (less than 1 minute), pay attention to the ongoing discussion, and, if an opening arises that matches what you want to say (i.e., the discussion hasn't dramatically taken another turn), then speak your one minute.

On the other hand, if you simply are talking three times to everyone else's one, but are not crowding out other contributions in a small seminar, then don't worry about it.  Do check body language.  Do have a quiet word with the instructor after class or during student hours to get the instructor read, but sometimes, small classes will have one very prepared person who talks more than a handful of less prepared, more shy people and that's ok.

[sugaree]

I second the advice to really listen to what others in the seminar are saying. Too often, we are so busy formulating our own thoughts and questions about interesting material that we can forget that others might have different (equally compelling) insights of their own.

[offthemarket]

You could establish a rule for yourself, that you wait until at least four other people have contributed, before you say anything else.

[marigolds]

I used to write down all my brilliant ideas and insights in my notes so that I wouldn't forget them if I didn't say them out loud.  (I still do this in meetings.) 

[msparticularity]

You might also think about whether the things you say are integrating the comments by your classmates and encouraging them to discuss more. One strategy is to be certain each time you speak that you keep your own point to a sentence or two, and that you end by specifically interacting with and asking for more information about some point from someone else who has just spoken.

[larryc]

You could establish a rule for yourself, that you wait until at least four other people have contributed, before you say anything else.

This. And when you do speak, address your comments to your fellow grad students as much as to the professor.  "Mary, you said something I hadn't though of when you pointed out that blah blah blah, I wonder if that is true of our reading last week as well..."

The latter is also a good strategy for when you haven't done the reading.

[carolynkeene]

THANK YOU for all of your wonderful advice.  I think I will use my notebook to whittle my ideas into more polished comments, and pace my remarks in consideration of other students.

@Pollymer:  Part of the problem is that this is a theory-based course that most students are not really participating in.  There are about 15 of us. I talk the most, and two other students make meaningful contributions who I really enjoy listening to, but I feel that they restrain themselves from speaking better than I do.

I just don't want to overdo it, but at the same time I appreciate the opportunity to learn from a professor who is simply top notch.

p.s. I completely agree w/ quantity vs. quality, and I am sure that not all my observations are gems.

[polly_mer]

You could establish a rule for yourself, that you wait until at least four other people have contributed, before you say anything else.

This. And when you do speak, address your comments to your fellow grad students as much as to the professor.  "Mary, you said something I hadn't though of when you pointed out that blah blah blah, I wonder if that is true of our reading last week as well..."

The latter is also a good strategy for when you haven't done the reading.

Definitely address your comments to the other students, OP.  However, I disagree with the "wait until X students have spoken" rule since I've spent far too much time with people who just won't talk in small classes and I've been both the instructor and one of only three students who have done the work who could talk.

Yes, make sure you don't dominate all the time by limiting the time you speak and the number of points you make that aren't in response to someone else's points.  Do have a conversation with whomever else appears to be interested.  Do pause (watch your watch or count to make sure a full minute elapses) to reflect and make sure your Nth contribution this particular meeting is worthy.  However, don't be intimidated to contribute when (a) you have more things in your notes that are appropriate to the discussion as it currently stands, (b) other people have had plenty of opportunity to contribute, and (c) you can move the discussion forward with a solid contribution that takes you only a minute or less to make that incorporates the reading and previous points made by other people.

[mfaer]

One strategy is to be certain each time you speak that you keep your own point to a sentence or two, and that you end by specifically interacting with and asking for more information about some point from someone else who has just spoken.

^This.

I was never annoyed by people who talked a lot in class--I was annoyed by people who would take five minutes to say something that could be said in thirty seconds, people who felt the floor was there for them to "think out loud." You don't need to spit gold whenever you speak, but you should be able to speak concisely. Not only are concise comments clearer, but they help the flow of discussion.

[helpful]

One strategy is to be certain each time you speak that you keep your own point to a sentence or two, and that you end by specifically interacting with and asking for more information about some point from someone else who has just spoken.

^This.

I was never annoyed by people who talked a lot in class--I was annoyed by people who would take five minutes to say something that could be said in thirty seconds, people who felt the floor was there for them to "think out loud." You don't need to spit gold whenever you speak, but you should be able to speak concisely. Not only are concise comments clearer, but they help the flow of discussion.

This might be valid in some Western cultures, but not all cultures value conciseness. "Thinking out loud" in some contexts means that the speaker is taking the audience members of their thought processes which might be helpful in, say, discussions of philosophy.

[fiveone]

As long as your comments are quality and you have reasonable social competence nothing else should matter. All of this doublethink really irritates me.

[larryc]

As long as your comments are quality and you have reasonable social competence nothing else should matter.

The hell it doesn't. A big part of my job as professor is to make sure that everyone speaks--in part so I know if they are understanding the material. Hard to do when Student Motormouth is sucking all the oxygen from the room.

[imawakenow]

As long as your comments are quality and you have reasonable social competence nothing else should matter.

The hell it doesn't. A big part of my job as professor is to make sure that everyone speaks--in part so I know if they are understanding the material. Hard to do when Student Motormouth is sucking all the oxygen from the room.

Once again larryc is correct.

BTW, that graduate student who never learns to monitor how much he or she says in public? That person becomes the annoying professor that everyone rolls their eyes at in faculty meetings. I was just in a meeting with one this afternoon. Eventually we just learn to ignore that person.

OP: It bodes well for you that you are self-aware enough to monitor your own level of contribution, and you've received some good advice here.  Another option is simply to drop by the professor's office hour and ask if you are speaking too much. Also some (actually much) of the responsibility rests with the professor, who should seek ways to engage all students and who should step in if you are speaking too much.