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[drspouse]

That's not fair. I am not longer young, new faculty and I never enjoyed large, unwieldy groups, but neither am I middle aged :(

You have obviously taken less time to gain the good taste necessary to dine in small parties, than the rest of us.

Some of my colleagues are nearing retirement and have not yet gained this good taste, still preferring to walk into a restaurant at 8pm demanding a table for 20, and then after being served at 10pm, to go clubbing.

[concordancia]

That's not fair. I am not longer young, new faculty and I never enjoyed large, unwieldy groups, but neither am I middle aged :(

You have obviously taken less time to gain the good taste necessary to dine in small parties, than the rest of us.

Some of my colleagues are nearing retirement and have not yet gained this good taste, still preferring to walk into a restaurant at 8pm demanding a table for 20, and then after being served at 10pm, to go clubbing.

At a dance event a few months ago, I met with a fellow forumite one on one while about 30 others went out, placed their order, blah, blah, blah. I got to watch an entire movie after spending a very pleasant, relaxed, chatty evening with the forumite, but before the others returned. That's just all kinds of win, there.

[concordancia]

I am registering for a conference that will allow my "spouse" to attend for an additional $10 per day, plus $25 for the luncheon. He would even get a name tag. In actuality, he will be traveling with me, as it is a weekend conference within driving distance, but I will be shocked if he opts for attending so much as the luncheon.

[anisogamy]

I have brought anispouse with me on the last two conferences I attended.  The first was a smidge like a vacation for him:  a bit of sightseeing and time in jazz clubs, and a choice for him to come along rather than a necessity.  The more recent one was because our infant was breastfeeding, so he was there to co-parent so that I could engage in conference-y tasks as needed.  It was a fiasco.  I saw a grand total of two talks (not panels, individual 15-minute talks) without either (a) wearing my infant in a carrier while desperately trying to keep him quiet or (b) presenting in that same session.  I was stressed and underprepared for the first of my two interviews, which I completely bombed as a result.  Anispouse was upset that the conference wasn't more enjoyable for him and that we didn't do more sightseeing as a family than we did (which was possibly more sightseeing than I've ever done at a conference before).  There were very hurt feelings on both sides of that for quite a while.

My colleagues were quite welcoming towards my partner at both conferences.  In fact, he's the one who went out drinking with my former grad school buddies at length one evening, not me.  I've also known other people in my discipline to bring their partners to conferences, but usually it's similar to our second scenario with a male partner and young child coming along with a female academic or involves the partner coming for a few days of vacation and sightseeing either before or after the conference, with maybe a day of overlap with the conference itself.

[oldfullprof]

I've loved bringing a spouse or (in the past) a date.  It automatically allows you to skip out on many, many half-baked panels in favor of better things. 

[low_horse]

I’ve brought my spouse along to conferences, and my kids, too.  They sight-see and do fun things while I take care of business, attend sessions, present papers, go to receptions, etc.  They never attend conference activities or events, but we go out with friends, have dinner, and do fun things together when I take a break.

Actually, one of the best (and most relaxed) papers I’ve ever presented came after sneaking out over the lunch hour for a rousing session of laser tag with the family. 

[tee_bee]

Some random ideas

1. I brought my wife and kids to a conference once. They had a great time (conference was near the zoo on Conn. Ave in DC) and we took the train as a little fun treat. But I really like going to conferences alone. Having the family along meant that I couldn't just hang all night in my room, order room service, write discussant comments, etc., while having a nice quiet room. But it was an incentive to get out a bit more and see the city. I go to DC often but my kids don't, so I love being their tour guide.

2. At the same conference, a grad-school friend colleague brought her baby and the baby's dad (they're not married, etc., yet) and, as is typical of very early morning panels, her S.O. came to the panel as an audience member. As it turned out, he asked some of the best, most provocative questions in the session, and we ended up having a great discussion (I was on the same panel). I was a little skeptical of the idea of "spouse" attending, but in this instance it was all good.

3. I often see friends' spouses and kids at conferences and am glad. Conferences are a major social event for my and my friends, so this is about the only opportunity we have to catch up.

4. At nearly all conferences, I find that the spouses go do tourist stuff, or hang with other spouses near the pool, or whatever. It's kind of fun, I think.

[untenured]

I rarely bring my spouse to the conference as I work full-throttle from 7:30am to 10pm for five straight days.  Panels, interest group breakfasts, working lunches, paper presentations, networking, hosting events, meeting with co-authors, board meetings, and gossip collection.  You name it.

At one conference, spouses not only came along but attended sessions and asked questions.  It is a most unusual position to be in when wife of bigshot professor asks aspiring full-time new guy (me) a silly question during my paper presentation that I have to answer seriously without condescension and without looking like a fool myself.

[totoro]

In my fields (economics, environmental science etc.) I have mainly seen spouses of senior big stars come along. My wife and I are in the same broad field but not working on the same stuff and have had a lot of scenarios:

1. We have both attended the same conference (one coming up in the US soon), previously in Darwin.

2. I've gone along as spouse. In one case (Sydney) her parents were visiting us and I showed them around the city and also I went to one session to see a big star speak. I also asked him a question... but I'm in the same field as him, he didn't know who I was yet though... In the other I mainly did tourist stuff (Beijing) and then I went to some meals at restaurants with some of her colleagues.

3. My wife met up with me in a different city (Seoul) in the country after the conference for a short vacation.

Frogfactory - as long as you can get reimbursed for that amount just make a claim and don't worry. Outside of some countries in Europe there usually don't seem to be single vs. double rooms, you just rent a room which usually has a double or larger size bed.

[marlborough]

In my field, spouses of a certain age are also often the unpaid and unacknowledged research assistants and co-authors of very senior big beans.  Yet one more reason to be nice to everyone you encounter, nametag or no.  I've seen a couple of panelists get snippy answering their questions until someone pointed out to them that the questioner was the person who edited the original set of documents back in 1970.

Also, in military history, a lot of professors are ex-military, and seem to have come to the agreement with their spouses and SOs that any future travel is together.  They're usually delightful to have around.

[untenured]

In my field, spouses of a certain age are also often the unpaid and unacknowledged research assistants and co-authors of very senior big beans.

Interesting.  I recall the wife of one superstar who in essence played the role of administrative life assistant.  This is only my impression, but she appeared to arrange flights, manage the home front, and organize his time.  Having someone behind you doing all this makes one's star shine even brighter.  And then there is of course the problem of one spouse sacrificing her (too often, her) career for another.

[drspouse]

As the cartoon says, behind every successful woman there is often a very talented cat.

To return to the original conference, mrspouse came with me, we stayed in a rather nicer hotel than we would have, and went out to dinner without any colleagues. It was a small UK-only conference that is very postgrad oriented (but my one PhD student who was there knew all the others from our department, so I didn't feel I was being neglectful).

I am not too sure I could manage that at a bigger conference, as last time I had to either miss out on dinners with colleagues who I really needed to network with, or drag mrspouse along to feel like a spare wheel. But it worked well at this one.

[wanna_writemore]

My spouse is academic and in the same (disciplinary) field but a different subfield.  We have gone to the same conferences a few times - a few times when we each were on a (different) panel and once when I was on a search committee interviewing candidates and he was just along for the ride.  I didn't enjoy tagging along or having him tag along to cocktail receptions.  When he'd introduce me at his subfield's gathering, I felt an intense need to point out that I'm an academic too, to avoid looking like the tagalong wife, and I didn't like introducing him and feeling the need to include him in conversations as I caught up with colleagues.  On the other hand, it was fun to attend his panel and see him at his best professionally.  So I guess I have mixed feelings.


When I was on an SC, though, he accompanied my colleague and I to lunch between interviews because they already knew each other, and that was kind of fun.

[treehugger1]

I'm female and I'm not quite sure what people think of mrspouse tagging along, and whether they'd think differently if he was my wife rather than my husband.  Is it stereotyped and sad to drag along the little woman who has nothing better to do, or is it more normal for a wife to have nothing to do than a husband?

I think this depends on the conference venue.  I love to travelling with my spouse to various exotic locales I'd never see otherwise -- the North Brazilian coast this year and Beijing next year. At these conferences, I do believe seeing male tag-a-long spouses as well and didn't consider either them or myself there because we had "nothing better to do." On the other hand, if I were to go to every national and regional conference with my spouse, I think that would be seen as weird. Ditto for a male tag-a-long.


Oh yes ... and I attended dinners and events, as did the male tag-a-long. I don't think it was seen as weird.

Someone above mentioned playing administrative assistant. Well, I haven't gone that far (what are deparment secretaries for?), but if the tag-a-long spouse is there as a tourist, they can certainly scout about for good restaurants, make reservations, give sight-seeing advice etc. (particularly if they have languages skills others don't). I've done this kind of thing and it was both appreciated and made me feel even better about my tagging along.