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[incognito55]

(please note:  semi-regular member using a different name for this)

I am an assistant professor a year away from applying for tenure.  The fora has suggested I go on the market since I started this job, but I was determined to stay, get tenure, and then consider my options.  I work in perhaps the most dysfunctional place on the planet.  No-one is happy.  Many do nothing or the bare minimum.  

I have been ridiculed for my research; insulted and bullied by a very senior faculty member and a junior faculty member who does not have an academic background, but a professional doctorate.  By individuals who do nothing but the bare minimal.  Direct insults to my research grants and ideas such as "you should give my tax money back" to "waste of tax-payer's money" to "you are not a real _______ (field)".  Despite the atmosphere, I have been focused on succeeding, doing my work, and "my world."  I have students, pay students, and work very hard.  My evaluations are great, my pub record is good, and I have multiple federally funded grants as PI.  In a total faculty of 45, I am the 5th highest funded...as a JUNIOR faculty member.  The 4 above me are all 15-20 years older than me.

Today I lost it.  I had a shouting match with one of the "bullies," threw the person out of my office, and then broke down.  Another senior female faculty member came in and I just broke down, stating that I am so tired of x, y, z.   Stating that I work so hard, while the bullies are playing video games and taking 3 hour lunches.   Etc.  That I am undervalued and paid so much less than everyone else, that I did not believe I would make it anymore.  I am struggling financially, have never been given a raise, or a merit increase.  In fact, my chair forgot to write a letter for me for an award I was nominated which could have been a little increase...just forgot.

There is much more wrapped into this, years of dysfunction and poor treatment.  I just had it.
It was not pretty.  The senior female faculty member was very kind and told me to go home.   I did.

There have been other shouting matches during faculty meetings, etc among other faculty members, but it is unlike me.  Over the years, I have gone from loving life and work, to battling depression and suicidal thoughts...in other words, it has zapped me to work here and takes all my effort to keep moving forward.

So, any suggestions on what to do?   Should I do anything?
Just move forward and ignore the episode?  I am not happy about what happened, but it happened.
Thank you.

[alleyoxenfree]

incognito55, others have been there - you did nothing unusual and you have my sincerest sympathies for all you've been through.  Basically, you fit the classic profile of the bullied - highly competent, swimming in a pool of jealous incompetents who will haze you and take you down any way they can.  As you've seen, it's a bad place and trying to do all you have, without support, has taken a real toll.

Outwardly, I would ignore it - at least to them unless there is something actionable for which you could file a complaint with your chair or HR.  That depends on what happened, who your chair is, etc.  My take would be that I wouldn't want to be embroiled in anything at this point, but you are well within your rights to control who is in your office.  This person isn't welcome, period.  Ignore them, and if anyone brings it up, say you're interested in moving on and change the subject.  Cut off anyone who begins to denigrate you and say something like, "We're all well aware of your opinion on that, let's move on."

I'd polish up my CV and get on the market this fall.  It sounds like you are a good candidate for tenure already, so should not need to spend too much more time on that file.  At the very least, going on the market will give you something to think about, fantasize about, prepare for, and enjoy as an escape hatch.  And if you're a good candidate for tenure, you sound like a great candidate for the market.  Would you really want to be tied to these people for life?

Take care of yourself in all ways possible, especially sleep.  Heat and lack of sleep can make things especially hard to take.

[oldfullprof]

Had this same scenario happen a few years ago - but less obvious.  More sneaky business.  Then they non-renewed me.  I got a new job, and have done pretty well.

[lizardmom1]

I would pretend this did not happen. If asked about it (and, if your department is as dysfunctional as I think it is, you will be asked about it), just say you prefer to get on with more important things, like work. If pressed, just stare blankly at the individual and get on with your work.

By the way, you have my sympathy. Workplace mobbing is all too common in academe, for a variety of reasons. Good luck in getting out of your toxic environment.

[anon99]

I hope you had something once you got home to help you relax.  Go on the market, it sounds like you have a good CV and you have grants that are portable?  Life's too short to worry about a single outburst.  

Outwardly, I would ignore it - at least to them unless there is something actionable for which you could file a complaint with your chair or HR.  That depends on what happened, who your chair is, etc.  My take would be that I wouldn't want to be embroiled in anything at this point, but you are well within your rights to control who is in your office.  This person isn't welcome, period.  Ignore them, and if anyone brings it up, say you're interested in moving on and change the subject.  Cut off anyone who begins to denigrate you and say something like, "We're all well aware of your opinion on that, let's move on."

It doesn't sound like you want to stay there long term, so I wouldn't bother with filing a complaint as I am sure your chair will have heard about it by now.  Alley's phrasing is good.  If they come to talk to you in your office, tell them you are busy.

[msparticularity]

The fora has suggested I go on the market since I started this job, but I was determined to stay, get tenure, and then consider my options.

Why? Seriously--because everyone who is reading this is encouraging you to leave, and apparently this has been the pattern for some time now. If you want feedback that will be helpful for your particular situation, you need to tell us a bit more about why you are so determined to stay.

[watermarkup]

Even if you stay, you absolutely have to send out applications. It creates psychic distance between yourself and your workplace to know that there's only a 50% or 80% chance you'll be there in a year, rather than a 100% chance.

Start documenting everything. Everything. You don't know when you might need it.

Start closing your office door. Inside is your space. Outside is enemy territory. You need someplace safe to recharge and plan your next foray. When you go outside, you'll be putting on an act, going undercover, consciously ignoring whatever it is those people might say. It won't get through your armor.

Do you have a trusted senior colleague in your department or a neighboring one? You'll need their letter of recommendation. Your chair sounds flaky. Don't let your fate depend on flaky people.

I say this based on my experience as a VAP, not TT, at an abusive hellhole, but I did learn that suicidal ideation is a really, really bad place to be in. You need to get out of your current situation. My last move nearly doubled my already high teaching load and my new position isn't perfect, but I'm 1000% happier than I was before. Sticking it out in a department full of abusive psychopaths won't win you any awards. Just go.

[oatmeal]

OP--Sorry to hear this happened. I really think you should apply for jobs and get out of that dysfunctional place. Your CV sounds good and you might get lucky. In the meantime, document everything and keep a low profile, just so the air clears. I hope you have a few trusted senior colleagues to talk with. I also hope you can have a short break (maybe a vacation) over what remains of the summer. I am interested to hear why you wish to stay at a place like this? Leaving is hard work but sometimes worth it (often, in fact). Good luck.

[crocdoc]

incognito, I could have written your post! Get out ASAP! It will not stop.

[polly_mer]

For the immediate future, pretend that the outburst didn't happen.  If anyone brings it up, then look blankly at that person and say, "Yep, that was a bad day.  Sorry.   Turning to the business at hand..."

For the not-so-immediate future, put your head down, start sending out those applications, and prioritize things that will get you out of this place.  Nothing matters so much as having good options in hand to move.

[prytania3]

 The fora has suggested I go on the market since I started this job, but I was determined to stay, get tenure, and then consider my options.  

Ignore fora wisdom at your own peril.

[snowbound]

I was determined to stay, get tenure, and then consider my options.

Why???  This sounds completely masochistic!  See a therapist about this problem--the problem of feeling that you cannot think about quitting.  

Waiting for tenure before you start trying to get out is a bad idea. There are far fewer jobs for people at the associate level than at the assistant level.  Once you're tenured, you may find yourself stuck in Hellhole U forever.

[grasshopper]

If this were me, I would be combing the job ads right now, and crafting delicate phrases to include in emails to friends and colleagues at other unis to let them know that I'm interested in moving.

[bluezebracat]

There's something here that you're not telling us.   Are there personal, family, insurance reasons why you decided earlier to stay?  You're obviously smart and accomplished.  What is the reason--for what looks to the rest of us (looking at previous comments) as illogical behavior?

[anon99]

Even if you stay, you absolutely have to send out applications. It creates psychic distance between yourself and your workplace to know that there's only a 50% or 80% chance you'll be there in a year, rather than a 100% chance.

I agree with watermarkup's other advice (keep your door closed, document, talk to trusted collegue), but not applying for jobs.  If it is only two of your collegues who are behaving badly and you want to stay, then don't apply for other jobs.  How close is senior bully to retiring?  Unless you want to move or don't think you will get tenure, you are wasting other people's time applying for jobs that you won't take.