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[fedscholar]

This from learningkat: "I have a very good friend whose mental and physical health has been a wreck for the past several years because her personality type/anxiety issues drive her to take on 10 times more work than she should, and do all of that work using 10 times more energy than necessary.  It doesn't matter what kind of boss she has -- it is her own compulsion that drives her behavior."

Seems like there are a lot of these type folks in academia/science. Highly driven, super achiever types. My boss is like this; exceptionally driven and exceedingly perfectionistic. She is the straight A type person, who, though in her  mid 60s is still likely to pull an "all nighter" to do an assignment. Her issue is she cannot seem to prioritize. EVERYTHING is important, from the timesheets of all employees (she reviews them down to fractions of an hour) to the number of spaces after a period. In her case, her tremendous work ethic is not really appreciated by anyone because she micromanages everyone below, and is her obsession with all minutia (and consequent inability to lead strategically) is an impediment for the whole organization. And because she is not very highly regarded, she works harder, and micromanages more trying to achieve success. A bit sad, because she it quite nice (she is a personal friend, but also a major reason I want to leave our organization). Last year she was battling walking pneumonia, but still would not take days off. I am not sure any of this applies to you, but perfectionists can really struggle at higher levels of an organization, unless they can release details to subordinates, and actually trust them. Paradoxically, those who hold on most tightly often have the least effectiveness, because they lose sight of the big picture.

[77931]

Thank you all for your additional thoughts. In terms of my personality, I am not a micromanager or a perfectionist that can’t handle the big picture. Really, I don’t make extra work and I do know how to let things go and delegate.
But the problem for me in the prior role was that I can be somewhat of a doormat. When my boss started giving me bull to do and walked all over (and in some cases actually stole) my substantive work-I didn’t speak up. I didn’t fight. Some of my colleagues would just refuse to do the new busy work, I was too scared to say no. And not scared in a “I wont please” or  “Ill get fired” type of way, but in a way that…I don’t know how to say this, I felt personal harm would come to me. I don’t know how to explain it but I would be shaking when this person would walk by, like they were going to hurt me.  

I marveled at how some of my colleagues would straight up say “No.” The woman who I mentioned earlier that ended up in a different area of the organization? We were once in a meeting when the old boss told us we were going to have to “redirect” basically stop working on a short term project we were focused on,  to do something ridiculous for them so they’d look good at a national meeting.  Everyone was dumbfounded, it was so out of the realm of what we do. My colleague looked dead at them and without flinching told them that was not appropriate and would not do it. She then got up and walked out. Another colleague agreed but didn’t walk out. I didn’t have the nerve to say a word. I went through the rest of the meeting staring at my notepad. Guess who ended up leading the stupid task? Yea. So I have learned I have to have a backbone, and I have to speak up.

My partner said it is was really telling that this person and the organization were shocked when I left and had no idea it was because I was miserable. He felt I should have spoken up like the others who managed to stay.
I know I have to be stronger this next go round, wherever it is.

Thanks for letting me talk about this.

[alleyoxenfree]

FWIW, in reviewing my last five years, I find that the decisions I agonized over the most usually turned out to be the wrong ones - that is, I used the extra time to talk myself into something.  If I'd gone with my intuitive "blink" decision, I would have made a healthier choice.  In one case, I forced myself to choose between bad A and bad B, convinced myself B was truly intriguing, and ignored that there were also C, D, and so on - and that I had an intuitive sense that I would prefer C.  I've actually done this three times, and am trying to break the pattern of second-guessing myself.

Without the agonizing, I might think, "A is terribly flattering, but I've only just got my feet back under me and B seems more interesting and doable in terms of an enjoyable and balanced life, while still having a forward trajectory."

For heaven's sake, try to have some fun in whatever you pick.

[77931]

I wanted to update folks and again thank you for your feedback.
I have accepted the “safe” position. All of the anxiety that I felt associated with even considering the position led me to believe it was probably not the right decision. Other feedback (including here) regarding management/administration also helped me decide to accept the role where my focus would be primarily my research and where work/life balance was expressed as a priority by the organization. My partner also really reminded me that when I started searching for a new position that the “safe” organization was one of my top two choices. So instinctively,  that was the environment I desired. The amazing place seemed understanding when I let them know, and my main contact there said we would continue to partner.  So I hope this all works out, but I feel much better now.
Thank you again.

[msparticularity]

Congratulations on your new position, and a big thanks for coming back and telling us about it! One of the fairly frequent frustrations here is the folks who hang out for awhile with us and talk about this stuff, and then we never get to hear about the end of the story.

[crowie]

Congratulations on your new position and best wishes.

[alleyoxenfree]

Congratulations on having such a good network of professional contacts, as well as the new job.  In this climate, it's really an accomplishment and I hope you'll have a marvelous time.

[77931]

Thank you all for the well wishes! I am a bit nervous but feeling ready to jump back into the full time world of work.  I feel very blessed to have been able to get out of a bad situation to take care of myself, and hopefully I am walking into something much better for me right now.
I may pop back in with an update after I start.
Thanks again and good luck to everyone on the search!

[losemygrip]

Hey, yeah, thanks for coming back and letting us know.  A lot of times people don't, and we sit and wonder . . . .

And get yourself into therapy.  You've had a lot of other good suggestions here as well.

And no more vomiting blood!  ; )