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[77931]

Hello, I have read here for a long time and now am hoping for a bit of advice.
I left a very stressful unrewarding position 8 months ago. It was a position where I had great success but I was extremely tired, stressed, and unmotivated. I chose to leave and take some time to deal with myself-decide on a different career path and perhaps more importantly get some rest and address some persistent anxiety issues.
I am feeling much better now, and ready to take on life/work anew. I have in front of me now two offers for new positions and need to decide quickly.

#1-On paper it is a dream position. One of the most prestigious organizations in my field and a senior leadership position. It’s the type of role I could envision for myself 5-10 years from now, but they are offering it now. I was recruited and am still shocked.  It is a very high pressure position however, with many of the trappings of my old role, however this time I will have more autonomy/power. But the stakes will be higher, if that makes any sense. If the old role was a 8 of intensity this is a 10.

#2-The second role is a nice position, consistent with where I am in terms of the “ladder”. Its what I expected to walk into when I returned to the workforce. The organization is well respected and I would work on new issues of interest to me. My role would not be senior. They’ve really emphasized work life balance and flexible working conditions. Many of the things that stressed me in my old role would not exist here. If the old role was a 8 of intensity this is a 6. 

I left my old job because I was having panic attacks, couldn’t sleep and had lost all enjoyment of life.  The organization tried to get me to stay when I gave them my BS excuse for leaving that I wanted to “do some independent consulting." They had no idea that I was falling apart. Leaving was probably the best choice I have ever made. I have done minimal consulting over this time, and spent much more time dealing with my emotional and physical health.

All that to say, I don’t want to fall apart again. So given the two scenarios I have in front of me, is it too risky to go for the first? I had promised myself when I went back to work I would do something much more reasonable and I can’t even believe I am entertaining this other option which I can see is full of stressors. But I believe I can handle them better now, and that it could be too good to pass up. It is an outstanding position,  I just didn't see it for myself right now, and still feel really vulnerable. Neither my mother nor my partner want me to accept the first. But they are more focused on the stress aspect than the career status element.

I welcome any thoughts, particularly if you may have ever had this dilemma as well.
Thanks a lot. 

[compdoc]

These fora are academics.

However, since we like to talk, you will probably get answers, whether you will like them or not.

I would agree with your partner and mom. Here's why:
1. An 8 was bad; a 10 will be worse.
2. The job is a career rocket ship, but if you jump off, you will hurt a lot worse than you did on that last jump.
3. You are not ready. You know you aren't ready for that level of responsibility and intensity. You were thinking five to ten years from now.

If you do decide to do it, I hope you are right that you have learned better coping skills. It could be an opportunity to shine.

[crowie]

The descriptions of the two positions could plausibly be academic or non-profit research institutions.  As for which job--it sounds like there is a part of you that knows 1 is not the right choice but you are flattered to have been chosen.  On the other hand, you say your coping skills have improved--in what way?  Is this just a vague feeling (possibly a rationalization) or can you point to concrete differences between now and before?

[77931]

@compdocI have worked in a policy research organization since finishing graduate school and I have taught some classes. I did not think one had to be faculty to post here…
@crowie Thank you for your thoughts. In terms of coping skills, I will say the biggest change for me is having addressed the anxiety. I am no longer jumping out of my chair when the phone rings, afraid to walk into a room, unable to fall asleep. My stomach is no longer in knots, I am not vomiting blood. Those are real improvements. I have done very well with the interviews I have had for these two positions,  and the consulting that I have done.  I feel like my normal self again. My partner agrees I am much better he just thinks I should "get my feet wet" with the second job rather than "dive head first" into the first one.
 

[alleyoxenfree]

You said, "It is an outstanding position,  I just didn't see it for myself right now, and still feel really vulnerable. Neither my mother nor my partner want me to accept the first."

This is the gist of it. It's significant to me that you didn't pursue this; you were recruited.  So you're flattered, but it's not right for you.  According to, IIRC, Daniel Gilbert's work on happiness, we rarely are able to predict correctly what will make us happy, so we should look at what others would do.  In this case, your significant others, the ones who know you well and to whom you open up (as opposed to the recruiter), think it's not a good fit for you at this time.

Let yourself be flattered but turn it down and allow yourself to be happy with the interesting second option.  If you outgrow that option, there will be other things down the road and you will be stable, happy, and skilled enough to seek it out.

Just as one's "heroes" usually have clay feet, many "dream jobs" are crap jobs - or not the right job for you at this time.

[systeme_d_]

@compdocI have worked in a policy research organization since finishing graduate school and I have taught some classes. I did not think one had to be faculty to post here…

You could be a plumber and post here.  However, we're academics, and the vast majority of us don't know jack about plumbing.

[fedscholar]

I would think through it clearly. You could fail, or let a lot of people down. Resigning from a high stress position in which you have been largely successful, is a far cry from failure. But back to back resignations don't look good.

I know that I am at a cusp where I am more attractive for senior executive positions than staff academic positions, but I know that I have hit the wall with administrative responsibility. I have been successful,but I know I will  not be happy with, nor committed to, a high level post. I retracted an application from a very high level job recently, because I knew I would not be happy in it. It was the right decision.

What was it specifically that forced your resignation? You need to come to grips with that and clearly define it before taking another post where others will be depending upon you to love your job and love the organization, and achieve. If you cannot commit and deliver unflinchingly, I would suggest continuing your period of recovery and introspection until you can.

[77931]

@alleyoxenfree You raise some good points that I will consider. Thank you.
@Fedscholar Thank you for your thoughts. I will think seriously about this. I just want to add that I did deliver in my prior position and I was committed. Every single day and. until the very last day where I stayed into the midnight hour as I did on far too many nights. I even did additional work, unpaid,  for almost a month after leaving because I cared about them and was committed to the work. I gave them nearly two months notice. I did not fail them. I did a damn good job and have been asked to return by both the Chair of the Board of Directors and my old boss.
The problem and what ultimately led me to leave was that I was no longer doing the job that I was hired to do and was working under an incredibly difficult leader who was not the person who hired me. When I began, I was responsible for leading my research and evaluation projects. My boss and I had a collegial relationship, expectations were reasonable, opportunities were available for advancement and I did my good work.
After a few great years that boss moved on and the new person in charge came in with very different priorities.  This person hoisted upon me new busy work that made my actual job very hard to do. I fear being any more specific online. But it became more and more clear that this person’s primary focus was raising their individual profile, researchers be damned. All of a sudden it was like we were subordinates rather than colleagues. (which technically we were, but some places are less hierarchal than others.)
While others fought it out with this person, I kept my mouth shut and took it. I dealt with this person’s rages and inappropriate behaviors at the expense of my own dignity and professional interests.  I don’t want to be any more specific, and frankly I don’t want to relive it, but I will say that harassment and hostility were brought into an environment that had once been collegial and supportive.  I am actually very proud of how I handled myself. I left with my head up and I left because I did not want to wait until I lost it AT work and couldn’t be productive anymore.

[fedscholar]

77931.

I hope did not imply you did not commit. But the issue with super high powered, go go go work culture is they don't typically give a damn about you. If you experience a really empathetic boss, consider yourself lucky.

I have been in my position ten years, busting my keester every month, full on, no slacking, the whole time. Yet, it is clear that the management cannot or will not move beyond slavedriving and chasing productivity, with very little thought given to career development, recognition,etc. Such organizations deserve to lose good people, and I suspect the new position you describe is more of the same. Life is too short. Take a bit of time for you.

[77931]

I am sorry that you are in that type of situation fedscholar.
Thanks for your thoughts, I appreciate it. I do understand that these people don't care about us. I can handle that. What was hard to handle was being treated in an abusive manner and not being able to do my actual research and evaluation work anymore. We actually were becoming less productive in terms of our own mission because so many of us were being rerouted into other busy work that in my opinion was less about the organization and more about this person's ego.

[ann05]

A job is just one facet of our lives. If you believe that your partner and your mother understand you (and certainly, I wouldn't take anything my mother said seriously-- but I would listen to my partner) they are telling you to go with the second option. These are people who love you. I would listen to them.

[msparticularity]

I want to throw another thought in there--and I actually have career experience outside of academia in both the corporate and the nonprofit sectors, although not in policy. Still, I think management structures at large organizations may not be so different in the ways that they function.

You say that you are not ready for the job--that it's the kind of thing that you would consider yourself prepared for in 5-10 years--and yet you were recruited. This sets off alarm bells for me. This is not to say that you're not absolutely terrific at what you do, but I'm willing to take you at your own assessment and figure that you know your field and you know your own expertise and experience. Why are they recruiting someone who is actually a bit under-qualified for this position? In this economy, why can't they hire someone who's actually experienced at this level, or just slightly under it? Is this employer trying to get someone cheap that they can exploit? You've already pointed out the degree to which you'll overwork yourself--is this why they want you? How many people have they run through already in this position? Keep in mind, too, that being the new guy/gal who's really not quite prepared for the actual position is a tough life--it leads to personal stress over the lack of some expertise, and resentment and annoyance from employees and colleagues who realize that you don't have the expertise--or at least not yet. 

Good wishes on your decision, in any case!

[laurel_knx]

I will say the biggest change for me is having addressed the anxiety. I am no longer jumping out of my chair when the phone rings, afraid to walk into a room, unable to fall asleep. My stomach is no longer in knots, I am not vomiting blood. Those are real improvements. I have done very well with the interviews I have had for these two positions,  and the consulting that I have done.  I feel like my normal self again.

I have problems with anxiety on a similar scale, too, and they tend to resurface when things get bad. I had a counselor compare coping to a bank account. Stress-busters (exercise, relaxation, sleep) add money to the account. Stressors (work, travel [for me], etc.) take money out.

Right now, you're flush (high bank balance) because you've been doing a lot of things right and there have been few withdrawals due to stress. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that you are fixed, you're just coping well now (deposits > wtihdrawals). Unless you've developed specific, effective coping skills that will allow you to keep putting money in the bank with the new job, I wouldn't take it.

[77931]

@laurel_knx Your comments are very similar to what my partner has said. He feels like job number 2 would be a better way to ease back in to work and make sure I am completely better…I hope that your anxiety is improving too.

@msparticularity You raise some interesting points. I have worked with this organization for a few years on a couple of projects. The woman who first called me was leaving the position for another super senior role there. She has been with the organization for nearly 20 years and was in this role for several. She said when they started to talk about filling the role she remembered that I had left X organization and thought I was a really good fit because of the substance of my research and evaluation work, which they heavily prioritize. When I went in for conversations with the other folks, they all pretty much said they loved the substance of my work and that there would be a lot of support for the me to develop the administrative skills that I have less experience with (budget, org. planning etc.). I will be honest, I think that they offered it to me because they like me, particularly the woman who used to be in the role. We went to the same graduate program (at different times),  care about similar issues,  have had somewhat similar paths professionally. In my meetings with them we have had very cordial conversations and once when I said something funny, the person who would be my boss laughed and said “I’d like for you to be a part of our team.” All that to say, I think it’s a personal connection they like and they are thinking/hoping I can grow.

@ann05 Thank you for your thoughts. I care very much about the feelings and opinions of my loved ones. I am very close to my mother and partner. I know that the last couple of years of my old role took a toll on both of them. While I kept it together at work,  they were the ones who had to handle my sleeplessness,  lack of energy,  and sickness. Near the end my partner pleaded with me to leave because “ It is killing me to see you like this. No job is worth this.” I was very scared to quit in this economy but he really pushed me and I am glad that he did. I feel that I owe both him and my mother true consideration of their feelings on this because they have been so good to me.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts. I am a bit overwhelmed and it is helpful to talk to impartial others.

[prytania3]

I'd take the better job with more stress. If you bomb out, you can drop down, but you may not have an opportunity to drop up.

Get a prescription for valium.