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[postdoccer]

I have a mixed background, I like variety and after finishing my PhD and previously turning my back on the corporate world to go back to school, I decided to try a PostDoc. I wasn't really sure, it was very similar to my PhD [I did not have the best of times], but I had put so much into my science career that I thought I should give it a shot at least. I'm half way through, but during that time, have been unhappy with the difference between my PhD which was more self directed and the PDoc which is more algorithmic [or formulaic]. It's also an industrial PDoc. I have no real aspiration for an academic career [or rather the life sacrifice] to even have a shot at getting there, but rather I took the "end goal" away and did it for fun. I did not want to work for "just" money.

Things are not going well, I'm way behind the schedule for the work. It feels just like the corporate world, only I had no control or input over the project details or remit: all was done before I arrived. As someone who is very self motivated and driven, this really upset me. I felt I deserved to have more control over my career rather than cede all responsibly to be a cheap outsourced "research unit".

There is friction with the incumbent PDoc's and it almost feels like a fight to gain any sense of control or ownership of the project. I really feel I cannot work at all with the other guys as they almost expect me to just shut up and follow the plan. The PI is much more respectful and has a better feel for how I work. It's not my science and not my ideas and it just feels pretty dull, executing without thinking. I've almost given up thinking. I've done what I can to be innovative, but I fear that now I'm just switching off.

The poor pay, means that whilst I can cover my costs, there is nothing left over for emergencies. I've started to see the PDoc as just a low paying job, to minimize the number of hours worked and explore other avenues. Financially I have no savings from this job and I either have to go back to rooming, sleeping in the car or giving up hobbies and activities. I'm spending my assets and investments as a cushion. The pay is perhaps enough if there are two salaries per h-hold, but for a one person household, its not enough.

I have considered leaving numerous times and begun looking for other roles. Strangely I feel this immense sense of loyalty and emotional involvement - which I think is down to the network of people connections and the fact I'll blow all my bridges if I leave. I feel like a dream of one day having my own science start-up or spin out may pass me by.

People have offered me new roles - outside of science that, to be honest are a better fit. I feel stuck however, I like to work on science projects and have some autonomy, but I'm worried that life will pass me by and I'll hit 40 like some of my friends - living hand to mouth on short term contracts and post doc's instead of actually living - I'll be chasing some kind of dream which will turn into a nightmare and haunt me. Sometimes I just don't know why I'm so wedded to the science.

Any ideas or suggestions?

[kron3007]

My post-doc experience is very different.  While I have to conduct research within a specified framework, I am pretty much on my own regarding how to approach it.  If you want to stick with science a little longer, perhaps you should look around for another post-doc that would give you a little more autonomy. 

You could also discuss these issues with your PI.  He may not realize that this is a problem and give you more freedom within the project, or allow you to persue another project of your own design in parallel.

[macaroon]

Things are not going well, I'm way behind the schedule for the work. It feels just like the corporate world, only I had no control or input over the project details or remit: all was done before I arrived. As someone who is very self motivated and driven, this really upset me. I felt I deserved to have more control over my career rather than cede all responsibly to be a cheap outsourced "research unit".

Deep breath!  It's hard to see clearly when your project is in the weeds.

There's probably a reason that you had "no control or input" over the project details.  Is your pay coming from a grant to the PI that the PI wrote prior to hiring you?  If so, then you must work on the project that is providing your funding.

I think, though, that you have a wonderful opportunity here.  The project your PI proposed isn't working, right?  It's time to make it yours.  While you do have to address the research goals stated in the grant, you can do it your own way, and it sounds like you need to do that.  Read that grant application backwards and forwards.  Read all the references.  Can you find a better way?    Go for it, postdoccer!