mafff
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« on: April 08, 2011, 10:42:16 AM » |
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I teach at a professional school and the student is more of a mature student, not an undergrad. She is extremely smart (AND attractive) and I regard her more as a peer than a student especially since she is no longer my student officially.
Is there anything unethical about it? (I taught her last year and will never be teaching her in the future. Indeed, she was the one who initiated contact with me after the semester had ended.)
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spork
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« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2011, 11:59:09 AM » |
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Go for it! I married my professor.
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a.k.a. gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket
"Please do not force people who are exhausted to take medication for hallucinations." -- Memo from the Chair, Department of White Privilege Studies, Fiork University
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lurkingfear
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« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2011, 12:22:32 PM » |
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Ya go for it. Especially if she's the one who contacted you.
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hulkhogan
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« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2011, 12:28:25 PM » |
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I'm inclined to agree with the "go for it" advice. However, your post sounds that the woman is still a student at your university although she is not your student. Many campuses have strict policies against relationships between faculty members and any student. Read your faculty handbook carefully. You may indeed have to wait until after she graduates.
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mafff
New member
Posts: 16
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« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2011, 12:42:31 PM » |
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She's graduating in a month or two.
But don't you think there is still something wrong with this? I did a quick search on the Internet before I decided to post a question on this forum. Some people are very, very judgmental. (once a student, always a student ....)
It is true that she's the one who contacted me, but I feel like it's more for good-will purposes. She said she missed the classes. I said I miss greatly our class (I dared not say I miss her, but do wonder if she sensed it. what do you think? Most students here are very pragmatic and though they are decent people I don't feel attached to any of them in particular)
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frogfactory
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« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2011, 12:55:00 PM » |
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I clicked on this forum topic expecting something far juicier/more scandalous. I say go for it, but be a little cautious the first few dates. Or wait til she graduates if the handbook mandates.
I can imagine some people feel like 'once a student, always a student' applies, but I'm not one of them. As long as you're absolutely certain you can demonstrate she didn't get preferential treatment when she was your student.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
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zuzu_
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« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2011, 01:12:39 PM » |
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I think the key part of your post that probably makes this OK is that you say you have a peer-like relationship.
The "once a student, always a student" has to do with the power differential. Even after students graduate, the relationship often (but not always) retains a power imbalance. So while not technically "wrong," some faculty-student relationships are creepy (for lack of a better word) even if they arise post-graduation.
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dellaroux
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« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2011, 01:17:24 PM » |
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I've posted this before:
My uncle was the 20-years-younger student of my aunt in high school.
They waited to marry until he was out of college.
He died first at age 60; she lived to be 85 or so, as I recall.
They were a couple of the sweetest people, truly lovebirds, all their life, with a great sense of humor and a neat old brick house.
I wished I'd known them better, in fact, but they were always traveling and having a good time somewhere!
So, add me to the "be cautious about the timing issues, but be open to the possibilities once those are satisfied" camp.
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Pax in terra choreagibus
Ballo non bello parare
How am I?: There are four levels: Alive, Alert, Awake & Functioning. Right now, I'm standing upright & moving forward.
We are gifted superfluously--the cosmos is more generous than we can ask or imagine.
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mafff
New member
Posts: 16
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« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2011, 01:27:41 PM » |
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Wow. I am surprised.
What if I am relatively new ? and will only get tenure 2 years from now? Getting tenure in my field is almost 100%, though. I am well-liked.
I will be able to show that I did not give her any preferential treatment. Things did not start that early. Plus, almost single paper that she has written has been published or is forthcoming in a reputable journal.
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frogfactory
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« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2011, 01:29:22 PM » |
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What, you really want us to tell you you shouldn't do it?
Ask her out. And let us know how it goes.
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
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zharkov
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« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2011, 01:44:33 PM » |
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I'd say wait until she's graduated, meet for coffee, nothing too "datish," then if you seem to have more of a connection, then, but only then invite her over to see your etchings. |
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« Last Edit: April 08, 2011, 01:47:14 PM by zharkov »
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__________ Zharkov's Razor: Adapting Zharkov a bit to this situation, ignorance and confusion can explain a lot.
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tuxedo_cat
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« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2011, 01:53:07 PM » |
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Getting tenure in my field is almost 100%, though. I am well-liked.<snip>
Plus, almost single paper that she has written has been published or is forthcoming in a reputable journal.
Uhhhhh. . . ok. |
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The only protection from zombies is a good friend who runs slightly more slowly than you do.
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mafff
New member
Posts: 16
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« Reply #12 on: April 08, 2011, 02:00:45 PM » |
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But I am nervous to even make that move.
I certainly should not send anything explicit in my emails, should I?
If she agrees, then it would still be difficult to gauge her interest...
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carebearstare
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« Reply #13 on: April 08, 2011, 02:02:11 PM » |
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Not only should you not date this student, you should not date anyone who has ever been a student of anyone--or, for that matter, anyone who has ever been a child.
You're clearly a perv.
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Well, some posters were being naughty here.
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frogfactory
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« Reply #14 on: April 08, 2011, 02:08:01 PM » |
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But I am nervous to even make that move.
I certainly should not send anything explicit in my emails, should I?
If she agrees, then it would still be difficult to gauge her interest...
Don't sent her photos/videos or your wibbly bits, no. |
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At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to masturbate in the bathroom.
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