senor_lorca
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« on: February 23, 2011, 07:11:43 PM » |
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My coworker Dr. A somewhat recently broke up with a lovely partner, not a LTR by any means, who couldn't understand why he works on his research on many evenings and weekends. A was very glum about this, until lately, when he told me about his past few weeks' adventures dating Ms. B - an ABD, in MY field. (Ominous incidental music.) At the same time, A and B are happy, and A, at least, has not been very happy for a long, long time.
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mended_drum
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« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2011, 09:20:27 PM » |
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I'm sorry, but I'm confused. Why is this a frightening tale?
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bluezebracat
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« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2011, 09:59:01 PM » |
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Ditto
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dellaroux
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« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2011, 10:06:44 PM » |
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Are you saying Ms. B. is your student, or a student in the department in which A is a prof who will have some power over her program or her work?
Or is there a significant age difference?
Although, I have to say, my parameters for "significant difference" may be rather elastic.
When my great-aunt married my great-uncle, the family was sure it would never last. They proved everyone wrong....he died first, at age 60, of a heart attack, leaving her an 80-year old widow.
But she had been his teacher, and they waited to start dating until he graduated, so it was OK.
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Pax in terra choreagibus
Ballo non bello parare
How am I?: There are four levels: Alive, Alert, Awake & Functioning. Right now, I'm standing upright & moving forward.
We are gifted superfluously--the cosmos is more generous than we can ask or imagine.
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spectacle
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« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2011, 11:32:32 PM » |
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I think I'm missing something... how is this a two-body problem?
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I think this thread is going well. Don't you think this thread is going well?
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msparticularity
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« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2011, 12:37:53 AM » |
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Reading between the lines a bit, I'm guessing this is about the eternal academic dilemma: Do we get involved with someone who is in a different field and who can never really understand quite what we do with our lives, or do we go for an academic partner who can fully understand us, and face the fact that we are very unlikely to be able to both pursue our best career options and also live together?
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"Once admit that the sole verifiable or fruitful object of knowledge is the particular set of changes that generate the object of study...and no intelligible question can be asked about what, by assumption, lies outside." John Dewey
"Be particular." Jill Conner Browne
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senor_lorca
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Posts: 32
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« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2011, 09:06:46 PM » |
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Precisely. But, as a longtime long~commuting partner, I see situations like this and think very badly of those who advise people, especially young women, to avoid partners who don't have "normal jobs," because the ideal is a "normal" life, whatever that means.. without thinking how a bad but convenient relationship can be more confining than a 4 hour commute evry 2 weeks. (Our situation last year.) And yes, I have heard this advice given often, and always to young women.
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msparticularity
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« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2011, 09:27:57 PM » |
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Precisely. But, as a longtime long~commuting partner, I see situations like this and think very badly of those who advise people, especially young women, to avoid partners who don't have "normal jobs," because the ideal is a "normal" life, whatever that means.. without thinking how a bad but convenient relationship can be more confining than a 4 hour commute evry 2 weeks. (Our situation last year.) And yes, I have heard this advice given often, and always to young women.
At the same time, it is like one of those horror movies where you keep wanting to yell at the plucky heroine, "No--don't go down into the basement!" |
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"Once admit that the sole verifiable or fruitful object of knowledge is the particular set of changes that generate the object of study...and no intelligible question can be asked about what, by assumption, lies outside." John Dewey
"Be particular." Jill Conner Browne
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senor_lorca
New member
Posts: 32
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« Reply #8 on: February 26, 2011, 07:23:37 AM » |
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I agree. But that horror narrative is an adaptation of the bluebeard myth, which has often been deployed to prevent people (young women, specifically) from following their intellectual curiosity and seeking full lives.
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