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[navydad]

So, according to Douthat, this means religion is dead, because you can't have heaven without hell. According to me, it merely means Xty has become the religion of a quite small minority, cause you can't be a Xtian without believing in hell. But what do you all think?

That you don't know what you're talking about. (A hint: try Googling "universalism.") Of course, I also think that this thread and the other one mainly consist of semi-clever people building shoddy straw men and smacking each other with them.

Well of course that's what we're doing. We're talking about religion, after all, not something with substance.

[lost_angeleno]

Why I believe in H*ll:

Man sent to H*ll.  Baked in hot hot hot oven.  Fill in event. Major agony, crying, etc.

Then put in cold cold cold room, with sledge hammer, told to make ice cubes out of glaciers.

Devil comes back in an hour.  Man is singing, happy, twirling hammer like baton.

Devil: ?????

Man: It's a cold day in H*ll; the Cubs have won the World Series!!!

[farm_boy]

(I always got a kick out of Art Linkletter, but I digress...)

If fiction isn't true, why read it?

I believe the term is "entertainment."

I don't think "entertainment" is why great writers write great novels.  Ask your local English professors if Literature is simply entertainment.  Or if great works of art are simply things that look neat.

Since Fiona says I have no point, I proclaim that Fiona doesn't exist.

[fiona]

(I always got a kick out of Art Linkletter, but I digress...)

If fiction isn't true, why read it?

I believe the term is "entertainment."

I don't think "entertainment" is why great writers write great novels.  Ask your local English professors if Literature is simply entertainment.  Or if great works of art are simply things that look neat.

Since Fiona says I have no point, I proclaim that Fiona doesn't exist.

You're a heretic and an infidel. Nyah nyah.

The Fiona

[farm_boy]

Actually, I am a heretic.  But then, so was Jesus, so I'm in good company. (No, I'm not equating myself to Jesus.  He had long hair, and I'm bald.)

I don't think I can be an infidel if I'm a heretic.  Aren't those mutually exclusive categories?

[parispundit]

So, according to Douthat, this means religion is dead, because you can't have heaven without hell. According to me, it merely means Xty has become the religion of a quite small minority, cause you can't be a Xtian without believing in hell. But what do you all think?

That you don't know what you're talking about. (A hint: try Googling "universalism.") Of course, I also think that this thread and the other one mainly consist of semi-clever people building shoddy straw men and smacking each other with them.

I agree with Egilson.  

You cannot simply decide to define Christianity so narrowly, and then decide that everyone who is not on board with your definition is not a Christian.   When certain Christian groups do that, other Christian groups call them names.

This is why the Pope despairs of Western Xty. So I seem to be in good company in my ignorance. Now, I am vaguely aware that some people, often of German intellectual origin, do not respect the authority of His Holiness in matters of faith and morals - but even Martin Luther believed in Hell. As did fellow frog Jean Calvin.
Now if you are trying to say that the Catholic, Lutheran, and Calvinist traditions of Xty pale into insignificance before Unitarian Universalism - go to it!

[farm_boy]

"Catholic, Lutheran, and Calvinist traditions of Xty" have evolved.  Probably most Lutherans today don't believe in hell. 

Hell, some Baptists don't even believe in it.

[walker_percy]

I've always fantasized about starting a Satanist handbell choir and calling it Hell's Bells. Signature tune: Tubular Bells from The Exorcist. Ten ringers decked out in goat horns, cloven hooves, and red capes, a kind of Blue Man Group/ Stomp vibe, images of lava and people writhing in agony projected behind them. So crazy it just might work.

[navydad]

(I always got a kick out of Art Linkletter, but I digress...)

If fiction isn't true, why read it?

I believe the term is "entertainment."

I don't think "entertainment" is why great writers write great novels.  Ask your local English professors if Literature is simply entertainment.  Or if great works of art are simply things that look neat.

Since Fiona says I have no point, I proclaim that Fiona doesn't exist.

The question was "why read it", not "why write it."

[farm_boy]

Walker's post is the most intelligent thing I've read here in weeks!

[eumaios]

I've always fantasized about starting a Satanist handbell choir and calling it Hell's Bells. Signature tune: Tubular Bells from The Exorcist. Ten ringers decked out in goat horns, cloven hooves, and red capes, a kind of Blue Man Group/ Stomp vibe, images of lava and people writhing in agony projected behind them. So crazy it just might work.

Add a medley of Black Sabbath tunes arranged for bells and you'd have a hit. Maybe some Led Zeppelin tunes, too, just to give the act a more eclectic appeal. Let me know when tickets go on sale.

[fiona]

Gotta have COWBELLS in the Satanist bell choir.

Count me in.

I've already got some ideas for music, such as "Adeste Infidelis."

The Fiona, live and heretical

[al_wallace]

I've always fantasized about starting a Satanist handbell choir and calling it Hell's Bells. Signature tune: Tubular Bells from The Exorcist. Ten ringers decked out in goat horns, cloven hooves, and red capes, a kind of Blue Man Group/ Stomp vibe, images of lava and people writhing in agony projected behind them. So crazy it just might work.

Add a medley of Black Sabbath tunes arranged for bells and you'd have a hit. Maybe some Led Zeppelin tunes, too, just to give the act a more eclectic appeal. Let me know when tickets go on sale.

There should be an orchestra to accompany the Satanist choir don't you think? Let's see. You'll need some accordionists, a couple theremins (you don't want to over do it), 12 jews harp players-the poor man's flutist, and fill in the rest with banjos and bagpipes.
 
I assume Charo would be doing the vocals?

[fiona]

Ya really gotta have some heavy metal or it don't mean a thing.

Maybe AC/DC for "Highway to Hell"?

The Fiona

[plunkett]

"Sympathy for the Devil" would be nice on bells (cowbells included), and quite apropos today of all days when some of us may not be Raptured into heaven.