11thfloor
Junior member
Posts: 91
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« on: December 15, 2010, 10:41:08 PM » |
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Are you worried about what messages your Christmas presents send? For instance: I have one son, dropping out of school, younger daughter, doing fine. Son used to love reading, now doesn't read. Daughter a readaholic. So I have a pile of books to give to her. Every other year I've given my son books. Do I give him books this year? If I don't, does it say, I've given up on you/you are not a reader? If I do, does it say, I want you to be someone you are not?
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crowie
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« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2010, 10:44:44 PM » |
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Why don't you give him just one book that you really think he'll like.
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antiphon1
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« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2010, 10:46:10 PM » |
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It's a gift not a mandate. He might enjoy reading for pleasure rather than for edification.
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bread_pirate_naan
Preposterous
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 5,248
softwears
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« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2010, 01:11:35 AM » |
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Not giving books could say, "I'm capable of new ideas."
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What you are thinking is "You're a disappointment." Your son probably knows that long before the gift. Plenty of other cues to that before books or no books, without a doubt. You should talk to someone about your expectations and the emotions you are projecting on your child. The way you've set this topic up is far more revealing than any gift, as there are 1001 ways to interpret anything, and countless ways to misinterpret. For example, some people might view leaving school (college?) as a sign someone knows what is or isn't right for them, not a sign that someone is not "doing fine."
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Books every year? I love books, but some point, they are probably the equivalent of socks in predictability and dull 'functionality'. To me, such consistency says something along the lines of -- I'm obligated, and for me, a bookish person, it doesn't get any easier to fulfill that obligation than this.
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There are a lot of mind-bending books in anthropology and continental philosophy about gifts <cough -- Derrida >. You might like to read some.
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FTR, I don't buy gifts this time of year.
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In unrelated news, I'd like a slice of cake. --corny / It will go great. --jackalope
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11thfloor
Junior member
Posts: 91
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« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2010, 02:29:22 AM » |
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Thanks for replies - all very interesting. It is so true, my post says and my son has no doubt already heard, you are a disappointment. I'd be fine with him leaving school for a job, a course, anything, but actually he has left with no qualifications and isn't signing up for anything, so, yes, it is true, I'm disappointed, really sad and worried. He's only sixteen, not dropping outo f college, expelled actually from high school.
By giving books i don't mean only books, it is one of the things i give, and never feels boring because there are so many of them to choose from. But I think the sugestion to just give one that I hope he might like is a good idea. he won't want to be overwhelmed with books but to give none seems - well, what i said. A message that I no longer see him as a reader.
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kaysixteen
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« Reply #5 on: December 16, 2010, 12:53:15 PM » |
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That I am poor and can only afford to buy gifts probably no one really wants at Wallyworld, using my WM employee discount. Auntie better like the dam* Snuggie.
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expatinuk
Has spent over 1000 pounds but now holds a Brit passport!
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 6,653
From SC living in UK
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« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2010, 01:00:57 PM » |
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I sent my brother and his wife a cake that got horrible online reviews. It's expensive, but hopefully really tasteless and dry.
I hope it does send a message.
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Expatinuk seems to be a Soviet Satellite in stationary orbit over the UK
It is what it is.
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egilson
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« Reply #7 on: December 16, 2010, 01:10:43 PM » |
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"I love you, but you're weirdly picky and I'm out of ideas. Here's another hat."
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To anyone who is not a blockhead, all the sciences are interesting. - Marc Bloch
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the_honey_badger
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« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2010, 01:22:47 PM » |
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I do hope mine send the message: I've paid attention to what you are interested in or what you have mentioned wanting. My view is if the person is "gift worthy" then you ought to try to get them something *they'd* like.
As for the OP, think of what suits him NOW---not in the past, not in comparison to his sister. If he's off reading, then a pile of books doesn't say "I think you are smart too!" but "I will ignore your interests and desires and insist you conform to my idea of you or to who I want you to be!"
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_____________________________________
"Honey badger don't care."
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theritas
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« Reply #9 on: December 16, 2010, 01:24:36 PM » |
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I'm in a bit of a rut with my stepfather AND I'm screwing my sisters as a result. Last year = picture of nephews and niece on a mug. This year on a canvas. I bypassed having the kids myself, yet I continue to use them since I'm otherwise out of ideas.
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alastrina
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« Reply #10 on: December 16, 2010, 01:36:14 PM » |
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I'm poor but I'm creative and really do listen when you talk. In other words, I make things. This year there'll be a necklace for mom, a necklace similar to one of mine my sister liked and a personalized faux cloisonne pill boxes for my sister.
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"One must always be careful of books," said Tessa, "and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us." -Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
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london1
Singin' Songs of the 70s in my Car, I'm Still a
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 6,353
There was voodoo in the vibes.
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« Reply #11 on: December 16, 2010, 02:30:43 PM » |
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"I love you, but you're weirdly picky and I'm out of ideas. Here's another hat."
Substitute "tie" for "hat" and this is my gift to my brother. |
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"Years ago my mother used to say...in this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant...."
- Elwood P. Dowd
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anthroid
Annoying bad luck snails
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 16,002
No happy socks because nobody gets Manitoba.
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« Reply #12 on: December 16, 2010, 02:39:20 PM » |
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I know this is a somewhat serious thread but I keep imagining Christmas gifts with cellphone text messaging to the other Christmas gifts in the neighborhood: U like the tree n ur house? The ppl here r nice lol! but the dog better not p on me again. kthnxby!
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Do you hail from Planet Hello Kitty? It's like an action movie, but boring.
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concordancia
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« Reply #13 on: December 16, 2010, 02:46:28 PM » |
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This year's presents send the message "I just drove half way across the country and I spent three weeks baking this sh¡t, so you better eat it with a smile and not ask where your present is."
Mom and Dad get special candy that says "Yeah, you can have the baked stuff, too, but that is for everyone and this is just for you."
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I like money. I like to buy stuff and experiences with money.
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periodically
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« Reply #14 on: December 16, 2010, 02:54:30 PM » |
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PeriodicalPartner is getting a Kindle. The message I hope it sends is: Do something other than watching movies and playing video games for a while.
Of course the other possibility is that I'm guilty of getting PP something that I want for myself. That said, I did think long and hard about it, and he does do more leisure reading than I, so I don't think it is that far off.
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