sylvie
Most sylvan
Senior member
Posts: 295
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« on: November 29, 2010, 03:58:00 PM » |
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I feel bad for taking over the trying to conceive thread, so I'm started a new thread because I have a few more feelings to process.
I lost my pregnancy at 6 weeks, on Thanksgiving while my parents were visiting (I didn't tell them, but my husband knows). At the time I was fine about it and already moving on and looking forward to trying to conceive again, until today.
I just got off the phone with the nurse at my doctor's office. She asked me a bunch of questions and was very kind, spending quite a bit of time talking to me. However, the doctor says she doesn't need to see me, and I can start trying to conceive again after my next cycle.
Here's the thing...I suddenly feel very, very sad. I know this is normal. Intellectually, I'm fine. I am pro choice and I know there was really nothing there but a few cells, but it feels strange. I created this little potential person and now it's gone.
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llanfair
Village idiot and Very
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 23,199
Whither Canada?
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« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2010, 04:03:18 PM » |
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Oh, Sylvie, I'm so sorry.
And this feeling, friends who've been through this tell me, is absolutely normal. You have to grieve the potential, and the anticipation, and the love that now has no outlet. It's awful, but your sadness is to be expected.
((((HUGS)))) and warm wishes. This is rough, but we're here for you.
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This place stinks like a pair of armoured trousers after the Hundred Years' War.
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alastrina
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« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2010, 04:08:32 PM » |
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I have no experience with this myself (never having been pregnant) but I'm so sorry that you are going through this loss, Sylvie. <hug>
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"One must always be careful of books," said Tessa, "and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us." -Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
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tinyzombie
She of the Ass-Kicking Socks, and a
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 7,446
elevate from this point on - chuck d
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« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2010, 04:16:54 PM » |
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I have no experience with this myself (never having been pregnant) but I'm so sorry that you are going through this loss, Sylvie. <hug>
Me too, Sylvie. Take care. |
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Correct, as usual, TZ. That's because you are not Dude. TZ, however, is Dude. TZ is my favorite. I wish YOU began with A. |
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unoriginal
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« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2010, 04:30:51 PM » |
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I'm so sorry.
My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I remember that DH went out for a while the next day, and came home to find me bawling in the shower. For me, it was the loss of that hope that I had waited so long for - although I got pregnant just about instantly, I had waited for years to start TTC...
I tried again the next cycle, successfully. She's now ten years old.
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collegekidsmom
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« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2010, 05:18:58 PM » |
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Syvie, I am so sorry for your loss. Your post made me sad, thinking that if my child were going through what you were I would hope they could share that with me, holiday or not. After reading your post, I will make sure to tell them that even though I could not do anything, I could at the very least, listen.
I am very sorry for your loss, and hope you have some support in this difficult time.
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tee_bee
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« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2010, 05:32:09 PM » |
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Sylvie, as a dad, your story makes me sad, because I can imagine what it's like to grieve the potential, as llanfair says. Losing a pregnancy is bound to be a disappointment. My wife and I thought we were pregnant, but weren't, and just not being pregnant--even though we had not worries about our ability to conceive--was a pretty big disappointment (we weren't really youngsters when we tried). So I at least partially understand what you must feel, and I am sorry.
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tenured_feminist
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« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2010, 05:38:28 PM » |
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We lost twin embryos, first one, then the other. If anyone around you has a healing ritual or ceremony, that can help you to work through it. I did not realize until it happened to me how many other women around me had gone through this. I did get pregnant again, but I remember feeling very angry at a few points when others' pregnancies or happy births were celebrated. If you feel the same way, accept the anger and let it flow through you. It is real and valid.
Best hopes and wishes for healing.
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You people are not fooling me. I know exactly what occurred in that thread, and I know exactly what you all are doing. |
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monita
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« Reply #8 on: November 29, 2010, 05:55:17 PM » |
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Big hugs to you, Sylvie. I'm so sorry about your loss.
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starrigyrl
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« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2010, 06:06:01 PM » |
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Sylvie,
I'm sorry for your loss too. Be kind to yourself, and take the time you need to grieve however feels right to you.
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theatremom
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« Reply #10 on: November 29, 2010, 06:07:02 PM » |
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Sylvie, I am so sorry for your loss.
My oldest theatregirl had a miscarriage about a year ago. It was very difficult to see her go through that and to not really be able to help in any way. All of us in the family grieved to some degree over the lost potential, just as we grieved for her loss. Honestly, being able to grieve in these situations is one of the things that makes us human.
(((((HUGS)))))) I'm sending you and your family healing thoughts.
Theatremom
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ellaminnow
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« Reply #11 on: November 29, 2010, 06:09:16 PM » |
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Oh, Sylvie - I am so very sorry. The disappointment can be so profound - and it's very easy to underestimate the emotional response afterward (wacky hormone rollercoaster). Miscarriages are so common but we don't talk about it much in our society. Often we have to grieve in isolation and it's a weird kind of grief because, as you said, the relationship to this group of cells, an almost-baby, is so abstract.
I had three miscarriages myself - the first at 11 weeks, the second at eight weeks, and the third (twins) at 10 weeks. After the third, I discovered I had a genetic disorder (MTHFR) and was prescribed megadoses of folic acid. One year later I had a healthy baby girl. Unfortunately I could have done this all along but because miscarriages are so common doctors rarely recommend testing until after the third.
A big hug to you, Sylvie. I hope you are able to take good care of yourself over the next few weeks. I recommend lots of warm bubble baths and a nice relaxing pedicure (that's what worked for me)...or whatever suits your fancy.
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Some people wear their heart up on their sleeve. I wear mine underneath my right pant leg, strapped to my boot.
~Ani DiFranco
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biomancer
trying to be the person my dog thinks I am
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 8,013
CHE Fora Hazmat Team
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« Reply #12 on: November 30, 2010, 06:38:38 AM » |
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I'm sorry, Sylvie. {{gentle hugs}}
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Clueless people can be dangerous. The acidic environment they can spread often needs to be neutralized, and humor is basic. - Dellaroux
Viruses invented people so that people would invent airplanes so viruses could get around better. - R. Duda
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palla
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« Reply #13 on: November 30, 2010, 07:30:57 AM » |
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Sylvie, I am very sorry. I have had a miscarriage and an ectopic, and remember them very well. I remember the first time I went back to the doctor's office for the checkup after the miscarriage. It was one of the hardest days. I had to sit in a waiting room with all these pregnant people and listen to them chit chat about everything I had lost. Like you, I went through a variety of emotions at weird times.
I give you permission to avoid every baby shower and pregnancy talk for a while. Find a reason to leave the discussion or miss the party. Take time for yourself. Drink some wine, don't stress about eating junk food or doing things that you wouldn't do if you were pregnant. Hang in there, Sylvie. It is hard and it sucks.
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crumpet
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« Reply #14 on: November 30, 2010, 08:50:36 AM » |
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Sylvie, I am so sorry. Other people have given wonderful support who understand what you're going through. I can't do that as I haven't been pregnant. But I do send hugs and lots of support.
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